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Both my mother and my oldest sister are in assisted living or nursing home. Both had apartments full of stuff. Neither will be coming back to live independently. Me and my two sisters are tasked with cleaning out their apartments. None of us have room to store it all, and don't want to pay monthly storage feed of almost $200 a month, yet we feel bad getting rid of their belongings while they are still alive. Both have dementia and cannot participate in decision making.


We have to have a decision on this soon as the apartments have to be cleaned out in a month. Is it ok to dispose of their things even though they are still alive?

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The best advise I received was right here on the forum. Back when I needed to clear out my parents house before selling it [Dad suggested I bulldoze it, but I didn't think the Homeowners Asso would go for that] I asked for advice :P

Swap-out something from your own home and replace it with something from your Mom's or Sister's home. I swapped out some lamps. On my desk here I have a 70 year old pudding bowl that holds paperclips and donated the tin candy can I was using. I swapped-out a metal bookcase and replaced it with the one my Dad had built for me when I was child. You get the idea :)
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And FYI, everybody, people who fulltime in RVs almost never have too much stuff; they can't - it would be impossible to live in it. We have full timed for months, even a year or so, at a time, and colllected almost nothing.... just sayin, in case anyone has been considering it.
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When I read of people having too much stuff I think of becoming a minimalist! It is amazing how fast stuff accumulates.

Ever notice that we can put things away and forget all about it? So many things aren’t important but others can make good use of it.

If you are interested in trying to sell it, try eBay. If not, then donate it to a local thrift shop. I usually donate to the veterans group because they make it so convenient. They pick up tagged items from your porch. Look online because they will allow you to schedule the day you wish to donate it online. Very easy!
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Just get in there and do it. They will not need anything now they are in care. Paying storage would be futile. If you want, allow family to go in and look to see if they want anything, even friends. Not sure what the jewelry is worth? Hold on to it till you can sort it out. Call Habitat for humanity they may take the furniture. Put a table out front with stuff and put free on it. Bet it will be gone in no time. Or just pack up and take to thrift shops. One of our Churches will store for their yearly Fall yardsale. I had a yardsale once and my grandson sat and sold all his Aunts old Happy meal toys. He made $8, he thought he was rich.

When we helped clean out my Aunts house, each person took a room. Clothes were boxed up and donated. My cousin got a dumpster and had to throw stuff that was 50 yrs old or more out. He had a tag sale. He allowed me to choose what I wanted and I still have the items. He allowed other family members too.

I know, overwhelming. Make piles, keep and trash. Then look at the keep pile again, do I really want to keep this? Then get rid of the trash. Goid luck.
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It’s a reality of life. I just completed cleaning out my dad’s home, it was sad but had to be done. For me, it was easier to do it quickly and try not to get muddled down in details. I sold a few things, donated a lot, and gave to relatives the items they wanted. Please don’t feel bad for doing this, you’re providing a kindness for people who can no longer care for themselves
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Agree with donating, although due to covid and people staying home and paying more attention to downsizing, you may find that places are chock full (like Goodwill, which in my area has a line around the block as soon as it opens). You can also put stuff at the curb and post pics on sites like Nextdoor.com or craigslist.org as FREE first come, first served. If there are appliances you may need to check what the recycling rules are in your area (in mine we can't figure out what to do with a window a/c...no one wants it for free at the curb, the trash company won't take it and my county's hazardous waste recycling center won't take it). If you wind up throwing out items or paying the 1800gotjunk.com company, please don't stress over that -- you can only do what is doable.
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Dornate things to women and children shelters. That will ensure that their belongings will help someone get back on their feet.

Keep special mementos and share with your loved ones occasionally. Maybe choose a box that is easy to handle and store and when it is full that's all.

You must clean these apartments out and that is just the reality, no need to feel bad, even though it is hard it is the right thing to do.
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