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Mom has dementia and is going downhill fast mentally. She is on the waiting list for Memory Care Assisted Living but I fear that I will not be able to care for her in my home. What do I do? Hiring night time care is a last resort but I know that it is a possibility.

If she has money, and I'm assuming you have full POA here, as JoAnn said placing her in a SNF and private paying may be an option. If that is not an option, you are going to need to contact a social worker, either your local Area on Aging or by contacting social services at the State level. If you are unable to take care of her, either because you can't be with her 24/7 because you have other obligations, or you have no help, or her needs are greater than what you can provide, they need to know. Hopefully they can provide help for you. If mom has savings and assets, they will recommend hiring an outside agency, and that is what you will likely have to do. Remember, mom's money pays for her care, so if you have to hire help, you use her money until it is gone than she goes on state Medicaid. Don't pay out of your own pocket. If mom has little or no savings and can't afford in home help, than the SW needs to know and will need to find the right solution to ensure mom's safety. If you can't physically, mentally or emotionally handle the caregiving required, she needs to know and you should never let yourself feel guilty about it. The last resort (if it gets beyond the point of making an appointment with a SW) is getting help through the local hospital. But it really revolves on how much assets mom has. if she has a decent amount of savings, you are going to have to hire an outside agency to come in. If the savings dry up or her income can't afford the amount of time / help required, you need to call the state to help.
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Reply to mstrbill
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If she has money, I may opt for a good LTC facility that excepts Medicaid. Get her in there private pay and 90 days before her money runs out, apply for Medicaid. The LTC Social Worker can help you with the application but don't rely on them to follow thru. Keep on top of them. In my state you are only allowed 90 days to spend down, get the info the Medicaid caseworker needs and find a place (which u already have). Understand the process. I was given a sheet of info I needed to provide. I checked them off as I went and "I" confirmed with Medicaid that they had everything they needed to process the application.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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You already answered your own question when you said "hiring night time help". You must do whatever you need to, to make sure your mom is being taken care of in the waiting process. (and you too)

I'm guessing this facility that you're waiting on is your first choice for mom. Perhaps it's time to look again at your other choices to see if mom could get in any sooner. And if that's not an option for you, then home health aides coming to assist you is the answer. Best wishes.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Did the facility give you a time frame as to availability?

Is that facility the only place that you have looked into? If so, why?

Would you consider another place if it was suitable and they had an opening?

Definitely hire help if you have to while waiting.

Best wishes to you.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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