What to do when your loved one needs their keys taken away, and they would rebel at this notion?

Her doctor does know about some of her memory issues but not all of these new ones!

Thank you for your many helpful replies! I think that you have hit on the correct course when talking about speaking to the doctor. that not only seems logical, but it will help my husband to not be to blame.

This is tough for so many. When my friend did something to her mom’s car, her mom called AAA out to fix it.

You don’t say if her doctor knows re her memory, driving etc. If informed he should be able to offer a “routine check “ that doesn’t inform her he has been told anything. He can carry out a mental health check and inform her if he finds she should not be driving / making financial decisions etc. If the doctor is aware of your husband being her POA he can inform your spouse of his decision/findings if deemed incompetent.

Her physician should take the lead but too many physicians do nothing and many states do not require physicians to report their patients who no longer should drive. Thank goodness your husband has POA! With that authority, he can call her car insurance carrier and inform them of any medical condition that impairs her driving. They may choose to stop coverage. It's time to start finding out if there's a senior/disabled persons transportation service available to her.

I agree with using her doc to tell her not to drive (and be sure to tell him in advance ). Until that appointment, which may or may not prevent her from driving again since she apparently has some cognitive issues, her car needs to disappear so she absolutely cannot drive. In my own family my aged uncle tragically killed his own wife and their dog in an accident he caused, which involved another car. He did not have dementia, just driving while in his 90s. You can also report her to her state's DMV by submitting an anonymous letter and requesting she get retested and will probably fail, so again, no bad guy. Go to their website to find out how to do it.

This is a profound change in her life, so DO give her assurances that you will gladly help her get places (by engaging relatives, her friends, neighbors and services -- but NOT Uber or Lyft or taxis since she has some dementia). When you eliminate the need for her to drive herself, giving it up is a lot easier. Also, she will enjoy the company that comes with having a chauffeur.

I agree. Make her doctor the scapegoat. In my experience most doctor's are agreeable to being the bad guy.

I did this with my dad when it was time for him to give up driving and he was fighting me at every turn. He had a doctor's appointment coming up and I suggested to my dad that we talk to the doctor about the driving. My dad had much respect for this doctor. Prior to the appointment I called the doctor's office and spoke with a nurse. I told her the situation with the driving and that I would like the doctor to advise my dad to give up driving.

To be extra sure of the plan, the day of the appointment I wrote a brief note to the doctor and gave it to the nurse as we were being shown to the office. The visit went fine and the issue about driving came about organically. The doctor advised my dad to give up driving and while we discussed it for just a few minutes my dad accepted his doctor's advice and he never drove again. I wasn't the bad guy and my dad gave his practically-new car to my then-teenage daughter. I drove my dad wherever he wanted to go and it all turned out OK.

Driving is a symbol of freedom. We can pick up our car keys and take off and go wherever we want. When someone tells us we can’t do that any longer because they feel we are having issues, it’s insulting and scary and our first reaction is anger and rebellion. It’s not an easy thing to do—to tell someone they could be a danger to themselves and others. She will make excuses for what happens and blame someone or something else. If she has dementia, (you posted under this topic so I’m assuming she does) then that’s all the more reason to take her keys. Her anger could be nothing compared to what could happen if she has an accident and injures herself or someone else, or worse.

This is another occasion where we throw the doctor under the bus. You can have him/her talk to your SIL We’ve also advised to tell the person the car “needs to go in for repairs”, and it never comes back.

If you do this, make sure she has access to other ways of getting out, either you or research a Community Transport van.