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I live in Georgia and unfortunately they do not have any assistance for an in home health aid if the person has Medicare. So I try to get Medicaid and they tell me my Mom would qualify but she cannot have more than $2000 in her banking account. My mom is still sane enough to make decisions and believe me you they will ALWAYS be what benefits her. No one in my family will help because they have wiped their hands of her physical and psychological abuse. I just take it because I have no other recourse right now. I have taken an unpaid leave of absence from work for a month and have to go back in a couple of weeks. I can't get the Medicaid in place because my Mom refuses to spend some of the money in her bank account. At this point I just want to get her out of my house!

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M goes to care, and SHE signs to pay for it. As self-pay, she is quite likely to get the best option they can offer. You apply for Medicaid so that it will be approved by the time she has spent down to $2000. That is a normal way to cope with this situation, as Medicaid takes time to arrange.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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You need to see elder law atty and you can take her along with you. They come up with a plan of action. Also take her to neurologist for brain test ..their admin can help with getting any forms filled out if cognitive impairment. Also there’s a family medical leave act if your company has minimum required employees. Good luck & hugs 🤗
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Reply to CaregiverL
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If your mother is as 'sane' as you say she is, stop "taking it" from her and put her in her damn place this very day. The next time she mouths off, or gets snide, or engages in any level of verbal abuse tell her off. If she gets physical, call 911 and tell them that she assaulted you and is out of control.

Depending on her age the police will determine if she's booked or sent to the hospital. It's time for you to start doing what benefits YOU not her. Tell her in no uncertain terms that she will not only be paying rent (a fair and reasonable amount of your choosing) but that the remainder of her funds will be spent for homecare. You will allow her $150 a month spending money. This is what a nursing home would be offering her and make sure she knows that this is only temporary because she WILL BE moving out. Then start looking at some senior communities for her to move into.

Take a page from the playbook of your other family members. No one will help her because she's a toxic and abusive person. That's not her not you. Also, you did not make her that way so you don't have to take the punishment and cnsequences of her bad behavior and life choices.

If she's mentally competent, you may have to have her served with eviction to get her out of your house. Hopefully it won't come to this, but if it does do it. Then the state will get her placed in an appropriate care facility or senior community.
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Reply to BurntCaregiver
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Never take unpaid leave to compensate and prop up someone who makes bad decisions. LET HER FAIL.

Your work funds are for your rainy days and your retirement.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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She will not make a change until you force her to. Why is she in your house? You deserve a place to rest. Your home should be peaceful. Tell her to move out. The fact that nobody in your family wants anything to do with her, speaks volumes...
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Reply to Caregiveronce
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Of course you have the option to not provide care. Your family members have wisely chosen not to accept abuse. Time to value yourself, protect your well being, and do the same. Make plans for her to move, minus asking her what she wants. Her money only goes to her care. You matter too
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Are you your Mom's PoA? If not, is anyone?

You can start laying down some tough rules with your Mom (if she has enough cognitive ability to understand this). In order for your Mom to stay in your home she needs to:
- assign you as her durable PoA for financial and medical;
- make you joint on her accounts so you can manage them;
- pay rent and utilities regularly
- compensate for you for your caregiving since you've had to give up your salary (please have a written contract for this);
- go to the doctor for a full physical and cognitive exam and if indicated, agree to take meds for her behavior.

These are your boundaries if she's to stay in your home and you need to defend them because she won't respect them.

Tell her that if she doesn't agree to these conditions she needs to move out, preferably to a IL or AL, or senior community or Section 8 housing. If she disregards this you go to your courthouse and fill out a form and pay the fee to start an eviction process. Once you post the notice in your house she has 30 days before you can legally force her to get out.

I know this all sounds very cold and harsh but in your situation IMO you don't have many options, so you have to go through the legal process. Maybe once she sees the notice she'll take it seriously.

If she becomes beligerant and abusive call 911. Tell then you think she might have an untreated UTI (because having dementia is not considered a medical emergency). If they can get her to the ER, you can make an attempt to tell the discharge planner that your Mom is an unsafe discharge and you aren't her willing caregiver. Then ask to talk to a hospital social worker about possibly discharging her directly into a facility. You can consider not taking her back home, but your home is probably her legal address. Hospitals will sometimes be so desperate to discharge peopel that they'll send elders home in taxis. Sometimes they'll promise to "help" once she's home but this is a lie they tell to get you to take her home.

If you can provide more information about whether she has a PoA and if she has been diagnosed with dementia, it would help us to give you better guidance.
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Reply to Geaton777
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Why is she in your house? What are her needs? Can she go to independent living or assisted living?

Do not take another leave of absence. You need to secure your future. When you say there is no other recourse, let's face it...there is no other recourse that she will accept. You have to learn to get past that. The old saying "Don't set yourself on fire to keep others warm". If your mom needs help, then she has to pay for it herself because you have to be at work. If she can't be left alone then she needs to go into a new living arrangement. There are other options, just ones she may not be happy with. Are you happy with the current living situation? No? Why is her happiness more important than yours? If she is the one in need then she needs to be the one to compromise.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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So let her know she has 30 days to find a place to live.
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Reply to Bulldog54321
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