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I moved into my parents home to act as primary caregiver for both parents who are 80 and have dementia. POA lives out of state and is not paying bills, cut back on outside care. Out of necessity I had to go back to work 30 hours a week. She is not sending money for their expenses and expects me to absorb them. I care for them 24/7 and I am also a single mother. I am trying to catch up on my bills. I was told from the beginning there would be enough money to care for them at home as well as afford me a stipend to stay home to provide care as outside care is too expensive. Since moving in I have spent alot of my savings as she did not send money and did not pay bills. I have limited help now weekday mornings when the home health aid shows up and a family member in the afternoon until I get home from work. I believe this is financial abuse and neglect. She refuses to be transparent with their finances and insists she is handling the money successfully. I live here, get the mail and answer the phone so I know this is not the case at all. I am very stressed, overwhelmed, beyond burnt out and feel trapped. She says she is going to come home to help and never does. Wants all of the power and control but none of the responsibility. Their care needs are not being met and this is not a sustainable care solution. I did call EPS and they directed me to a senior legal help line however it is only a service for seniors or their guardians to call and not caregivers. Any advice is appreciated.

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Thats so not fair to you,I hope you can sort this out legally,good luck..x
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you
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I feel very bad for you in this situation. You have received some great advice. I will just advise re SS direct deposit. If it can be done online that would be great. It will be a waste of time trying to accomplish anything on the phone. Even if you were POA they wont care. I barely got off accomplishing what I needed which was simply directing payment to a different bank as we had moved. They indicated if they thought I was coaxing my mother they would end the call. My mother has short term memory loss not dementia. I dont know how your situation would be handled if you took them there in person. I hope you are able to move forward and find some relief.
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you for your reply and support
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See an elder care attorney yourself.
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you for your reply and I will do that
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Your profile says your parents have Dementia. So revolking sisters POA is out. Guardianship is the next thing. Do you know the lawyer who drew up the POA. If so, give him a call and tell him sister is not carrying out her responsibility for parents. Maybe he can call and explain that she needs to take on that responsibility or be brought up on charges.
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you for your reply and information. Is much appreciated. I will follow up with the attorney.
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So how was it that you got dumped on with this situation? Was anything (stipend, sister pays parent expenses) written down? Unfortunately, many siblings just can't be trusted. She's either using the money for herself or saving it for a inheritance (and maybe she's managed to cut you out of that).

Are your parents considered legally incompetent? If so, then they can't change documents.

Please consult an attorney. And be prepared to walk away to preserve your own future. And then your sister will be doing it all.
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you for your reply. Hind sight is 20/20. So many red flags. I just thought we shared the same good intentions to care for our parents. So, yes they cannot be trusted just because they are siblings. If she has nothing to hide then there shouldn't be a problem disclosing finances. As far as she is concerned they are incompetent when it comes to their finances but when it comes to providing care, oh they are just fine.... Who would determine if they are legally incompetent?
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CroweMagnum is spot on that they need new legal done.

Your folks do a new DPOA naming you as it and they get this done in an attys office in your city. Also while there get a MPOA done and an “Guardian In Case of Incapacity” type of document done as well. You get like a dz notarized copies of all these. The DPOA document you then file at the courthouse (where will be iffy, if your state requires dpoa filed & recorded in a specific place then it’s that division, otherwise probably a filing in chancery clerks division) and do another filing in the local paper in legal notices. These are CYA to establish that if others want to challenge the action they are on notice to do so. Then like the date it appears in the paper your folks open an entirely new bank account for them with you as a signature & it’s POD to you upon their deaths and bank too gets a notarized copy. Once you have that new acct for them (ask bank for the routing # and bank may have a form at the ready for SSA) then your folks go on-line or in person to SSA to have a new direct deposit of thier SS income to the new account. The closer this is done to the date of each of their SSA scheduled payment the quicker it will be to be in place for the next month. So like if they are really old & they get paid on the 3rd of each month & you kinda need to put in the new direct deposit request info by the 3rd or 4th of that month to get it into the new account for the next mo.

Personally i would not change their wills at this point in time. This needs to be centered on doing things to get their finances back on track. Anyways if they live long enough, they will likely spend all thier $ so no assets to divide out as per their old wills but maybe for family mementoes.

If they each are unable to do this - either to Dementia or they don’t want to “upset” your sibling - then your choices are limited. You’d have to file for guardianship and hire an atty to do this for you. It would initially be all your costs as your $ to front atty costs. But once guardianship is done & your named by the court, you can reimburse for those costs. Ask your atty as to how to best do this. Good Luck.
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JoAnn29 Jul 28, 2018
Her profile says both parents have Dementia.
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Are your parents aware of what is going on and are they competent to change who is POA? If they are competent, then have them go to the lawyer who wrote up the first POA or some lawyer if you don't know who wrote it, have your sister taken off and have you put on as POA.

Otherwise, I believe you need to go to a lawyer and tell them what is going on for what the current POA is doing is not legal. They can get in legal trouble.

Also, the stipend really needs to be set up as a legal contract between you and your parents that they will pay you ___ for being their caretaker. This is important if they ever need medicaid.
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Pioneerwoman Jul 28, 2018
Thank you for your reply. Is much appreciated and helpful.
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