What to do when my husband won’t take his mother to the doctor?

Yes, bedsores are serious and need a trained person to care for them. A sore at the tail bone is very hard to heal because there is very little tissue there. She needs to get to a Dr and maybe have a nurse come in to the home to dress it and check on its progress.

Perhaps say to DH that if the cream and antibiotic is going to work, there should be a visible improvement within 3 or 4 days. If no improvement she simply must go to the doctor. This could kill her. If she goes to hospital (even doctor) with it being seriously worse, there may be an investigation from APS.

If there is no actual dx of dementia, then in theory, MIL is in charge of her own health care.

Agree with CountryMouse. What stops you from making a Doctor's appointment for her & driving her there? Is she mobile enough to get into your car? If not, do a phone visit if possible. Tell the Doc what you wrote here: you have big concerns about her tail area & her fluctuating mobility + memory/aging. Maybe ask if seeing a Geriatrician is in order?

Are you worried about upsetting your MIL or Husband?

I had no qualms about taking my relative to her Doctor to introduce my concerns over her frequent falls, continence issues & lack of nutrition. I worded it in a positive light as *concern* rather than negative 'all this is wrong'.
I felt I had to speak up, regardless of upset.

I don’t really have an answer. My mother had a bedsore on her tailbone and it was painful. I use to think her screams were from jolts from personal care aids and sibling putting her in the wheelchair, on the sofa, or in bed.

But then I knew it had to be something else because it was you can’t come in to help – never in the bedroom or in the bathroom. Then one day the physician broke down and called me because he couldn’t reach my sibling/sister and let me know exactly how bad things were with mom and for how long.

She no longer was a candidate for surgery of her bedsore turned wound because they would need to dig too deep. A grueling surgery and grueling recovery according to doctor. I often wonder if the sepsis also was due to those pressure sores on her ankles and the tailbone wound..and whatever else being covered up.

I've no idea. Why won't he take her to the doctor? What does he say is the problem?

Can you take her to the doctor? Can you call her doctor and get advice?

If not, if you're seriously confined to a home where you have no access to transport or to medical advice, with a baby and a demented senior on your hands 24/7, I think you should honestly consider calling APS and getting advice. Your MIL is at risk of neglect, and if the person who insists on keeping control of her access to health care won't get her any, you have to do *something.*

A pressure sore can be VERY difficult to heal. A call to her doctor might be in order. BUT if you notice any odor, discharge or if the area feels warm to the touch or painful for her it might be a better option to take her to an Urgent Care or the ER.

Does she have any kind of Medicare/caid if you're in the U.S., and can you get a doctor through her health plan who will visit your home? The obvious answer is that your husband takes MIL to doctor but if he won't do that and you're concerned, perhaps there is a way to arrange an in-home visit. My grandmother had a doctor who came to the house for regular wellness checks and I would address any concerns I had with him first. Going forward, if MIL is getting worse, it would be good to have someone coming in regularly.

If the bedsore is infected it can lead to serious complications. You're right that it needs to be looked at by pros.

Bumping up