What to do when your MIL's assisted living keeps pushing her to participate when she just wants to be left alone?

When I was in the nursing home, I did not want to be involved in their social stuff and I told them so. After many refusals they finally got the hint. I also did not want to eat with strangers. I paid an extra daily fee to have my meals served in my room. I'm not a true introvert; I simply like to do things on my own terms.

For my mom, it helped that the Activities Director sat down and talked with mom in her room to get to know her. She realized that my mom was a quiet, not very social lady who wanted no part in boisterous activities. She DID enjoy religious services, the occasional card game and pet visits.

My best friend currently works as the Activities Director at a nursing home and prior to that worked for supportive & assisted living centers. Yes, its her job to engage residents in activities, but moreover the STATE requires her to document activities that are being offered, who participates, etc., She has to document in each resident's file daily. The state inspector scrutinizes her calendars and activities to be sure they're well-rounded and meeting the variety of residents' needs. She does have a number of residents that she offers one-on-one time to, as they prefer it or are not able to participate in group activities. She says that as long as its charted that your mother refuses to participate, then absolutely, they should leave her alone, but it has to be charted. If the State inspector speaks with your mother, she would also need to tell them she has no desire (refuses) to participate...or else my friend has to go back and start trying to coax her to. But part of that is getting to know her and if there are activities they don't currently offer that she might actually enjoy. Socialization is important to residents well-being, and sometimes "well meaning" staff just feels inclined to encourage them to come out of their rooms, but the Activities Director or Assistants should not be if its documented that she refuses.

Good morning, Pumpkin93..I went through the exact same situation with my Mom. Several well-intentioned staff members tried to have my very-introverted Mom participate. It never went well, as she complained & “reprimanded” them for forcing her to do things. I talked to the MC Director(s) & lead nurse. They changed their interaction with her, asking her if she wanted to be wheeled into the perimeter of the activity area to watch.. That worked great!

I hope this helps, prayers to you & Mom

Speak with the facility. It is of course difficult for an introvert to live in ALF. My bro was more or less a "monk" by nature. He did adjust. He said it reminded him of the communes of the 60s where everyone had a bicker and everyone had meetings on Friday eve to work things out.
They of course will continue to offer, but once you speak with the persons in charge of activities (there is always one) and explain the nature of your MIL you may be able to help get things logged into the care plan. And of course, they ARE learning about her. And they WILL learn what she likes and what she doesn't.
She may also surprise you. Suddenly there was my brother going on the tour bus to see the homes of the stars and going to the movies and picking roses for the communal dining room table, and being the treasurer for their small fund for gift giving, and so on. Mostly he remained on the sidelines people watching, and people gave him his space when they knew him.
The facility is doing just what it should be doing. That your MIL doesn't wish to participate in art classes or whatever, animal visits, tours, is fine. They will learn this and she will learn to tell them "no".
I myself an introverted, but I would resent not being asked to bingo if everyone ELSE was! Just sayin.................

I would find a board and care home for her.

They don't have all the amenities and activities and you aren't paying for something she won't utilize.

The AL is just doing it's job. Many people refuse to participate in the beginning and their job is to provide enrichment activities.

This situation is why an independent needs assessment should be done, because a facility will say they can meet needs when they aren't the best fit.

Even introverts need some socialisation. Maybe 1 activity a week?

Otherwise I would be suspecting depression..

Bring on the 80s discos for me 💃 but once a week is enough.

Have a meeting with the Administrator and Activities director. Explain that Moms health problem tires her. Say that she is perfectly happy being alone in her room. That she feels she is being "pushed" into something she doesn't want to participate in. That she is naturally an introvert.

At Moms AL they did go to ea room and remind the resident that an activity was starting, an entertaiment or a party. My Mom had Dementia and she liked watching people. There should be a calendar of daily activities where family members can see it. Maybe you can pick something that Mom would enjoy and join her. I always liked the man who came and sang 40s/50s and 60s music. Mom would tap her hand to the ryhmn.

When my time comes I will enter an AL. I spend most of my time in my Den so a room in an Al will not be much different. I want to be able, though, to come and go as I please. The one AL we looked at was a little too high for the money she had but I liked the set up. One thing was that meals had a variety of things to eat. That if you didn't want to eat with others, you could take your food back to your room. For me, sometimes I want to socialize and other times I don't.

What do you mean, "they won't leave her alone." What are they doing? And who, preferably by job title, is "they"?

Go to the administration and tell them to stop. There no were in contract to live there that states she has to go to activities. And would help for MIL to speak up when asked. My client does not go because that just not her thing. They have the right to say NO .