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Hello to all, I have been following this site for several months and have had most of my concerns answered via others' posts so I have not felt the need to post my own questions....until now.

Not sure where to start and how long to make this so I will try my best to be somewhat brief.

FIL and MIL, ages 87 and 86. Living alone in rural north Georgia. Financially sound. He had an accident several years ago that left him in pain and dependent on narcotics. She has dementia/alzeimers. Repeated attempts by us to get help in the home was met with anger on her part. Doctor said "we'll just have to wait for something to happen". Well , it did. He fell down the stairs and fractured his neck and back. That was 2 months ago. He went to rehab and she went to assisted living (not without a fight!). So they're both home now. He's in a hospital bed. We have 24 hour caregivers. Her son, my husband, has POA. We have initiated the papers for guardianship of her (from her own attorney) but would use that as a last resort. My husband is there now. Today, she called the sheriff again. They looked at the POA and left. I dont know what else to do.

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It sounds like you and hubby are on a wild bull ride. I know that he hates to see his mother like this. If the kidnapping on Sunday doesn't work, your hubby may want to see about filing for guardianship. Filing for guardianship is expensive and can cause conflict when all parties aren't agreeing, so I hope your plan works. When I run across rough patches I fall back on the old saying "This too shall pass." It helps me. I hope things start to line up for you this weekend. I know that the stress is awful.
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It isn't easy having to make these decisions but you are doing the right thing to keep them both safe and well cared for....best of luck!
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Well things have escalated rapidly since my first posting. To clarify a few points: He is in a hospital bed and/or wheelchair ( mostly the bed). It is on the main floor. The stairs he fell down lead to the finished basement where he liked to watch TV. Caregivers there 24-7 as well as people that Medicare sends it for therapy, etc. Yesterday, she refused that person entrance. Cops were called again. Came out, listened to her rant, and left. My husband returned to Atlanta (we have a business to run). Then she tried to get the caregiver to leave so we were called. Husband is worn out physically and mentally from this and he's decided to take them both back to their respective facilities. Problem is now there is no bed at the ALF she was at. Talking to the admin there it was suggested that we take her to ER and have her admitted to the behavioral health floor for evaluation and proper medications. Best idea so far. We can't get back up there until Sunday. Caregiver called at 7 this morning. She had fallen, hit the dresser and cut her head open. She called 911 although it was not life-threatening. We asked the ambulance crew to take her in but she refused and they said they couldn't take her against her will. So i guess we will "kidnap" her on Sunday.
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What does your FIL want at the moment. It was a serious injury, so I know he has some fear of something happening again. Is the house set up so that he can live downstairs? That would keep him from risking that again.

I don't know what it is about many older people and their houses. They don't want to leave them even when they can no longer manage the house and have no friends remaining in the area. My parents were that way. I have an older friend right now that is clinging onto his house, though it makes far more sense to go to assisted living.

Wanting to stay in their homes can put adult children in a terrible position. We're faced with the choices of either providing care for them or worrying about accidents. We know they are not safe. So what to do? It sounds like you are doing the best you can in getting a caregiver to come in and going up to help. I'm glad to see you're in Atlanta, so the trip is not too long.

I was thinking about a wonderful facility I heard about that is across the state line in Alabama. I don't remember the name, but it is around Lake Guntersville. People are supposed to like it there and the price is right. I wish they would be okay with going into a facility like this one.

You're in a difficult position. I empathize totally. I chose to move back home, but I wouldn't recommend it to other people. It makes far more sense for parents to adjust and move to a safe place. I wish there were easy answers. You have to look for openings to make changes and take them as they come.
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I'm not sure I understand your question. It sounds like your MIL is resistant to any outside help, including what her son (your husband) is suggesting. And she's calling the Sheriff on your son for his involvement? Is that right?

The thing is, reasoning with someone with Alzheimers is a losing proposition. Their brain is broken. They're not capable of being rational. In my humble opinion, you need to consider what is best for their physical health and that may not be what they think is best for their health or what they originally wanted.

If your MIL is resisting any kind of help, her husband is a risk with his recent medical condition. Trying to get her to understand her situation will not be possible with her dementia. You could separate them - get her into a memory care unit and keep FIL at home...that would be one option. She doesn't sound like she's going to go for any kind of reasonable measures on your part. I'd consider putting them into the same facility (together if possible - if she could still manage in that environment) that has a variety of care options. So she could be moved to memory care if necessary and her husband could still visit regularly.

Or you could just go on the way you're going on, trying to honor their wishes. Just keep in mind the stress of doing that kind of thing kills 1/3 of caregivers before the people they're caring for. It's not going to be easy whatever you try to do. Please keep us posted. Also watch the Teepa Snow videos on Youtube about Alzheimers.
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I wish it were that simple. They wish to remain at home and we are trying to respect that.
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Your mistake was bringing them home again. Get them back to a care facility.
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