My 87 year old father was doing well at the facilty when he went to the Dining Room, and walked around the facility people watching, no longer being isolated at home and not handling his medication properly, which I blame my half sister for not protecting him for months cause she stands to get alot of money if he dies. But since the lock down the facility was delivering cold food to the room. When I asked could he please have a microwave and have the person heat it up. The Health director said I can't keep going back and forth with you. We will have to update his care plan. on 4/30 we went over it and he added around 10 things and says that will be 1,020.00 in addition to the charge you already pay of 5,545.00. They were not taking into consideration his mild Dementia and how being isolated would bring him down way down. I am heartbroken that this happened and want to take him and isolate with him to protect him for this cruel assisted living. Unfortunately, he named the wrong Daughter for all his estate documents and he knows it and she is just doing nothing to help him and is just wanting/waiting for him to Die. Now the Director of the place didn't like me questioning the health Director after he whined to him. now says I cannot take my Father to the Doctor and that my Dad will take their bus and cannot be at the appointment., . Well I went anyway and drove the 80 miles and was there 40 minutes early and the appointment was for 11am and they showed up at 11:20 with Dad who had 2 bad falls in the last week or so, show up without his cane. Then the bus driver wanted to know if the appointment would be quick I said since you were 20 minutes late I don't think so. Then called the office want to know when we would be finished, I told them to tell him I will take my father back to the Facility and did and there was the Director peering at me as to why I was bringing him. Well he was so rude with his memo to me. I took a moment to explain all of that to him. Also, explained what medications we are adjusting and how important it is to monitor my Dad and to journal what is given for meals and what he ate. Well, I guess I went too far and since my sister has the poa, He stated they are not going to communicate to me period about my Father and to not contact them again. My half sister ignores all of my text concerning my father so now I think I am going to lose him and feel awful for him and me. I want to get help but no one is calling me back. I am going to try petitioning myself but don't know how well I will do at it. Dad isn't answering the phone and his answering machine is not on. I asked 4 people there to please ask maintenance to check and they said they did but it strangely hasn't worked since my confortation to the director on May 13. The same day my father was taken to the ER for a nasty fall. His answer machine went on I left a message next time it just beep beep beep pause then beep beep and hangs up. after my requests for people there to check and no just rings and then transfers to the front desk. My father was so out of it when I was showing him a note to remind him of the answering machine before I had to bring him back. He would ignore what I was saying and told me Sunshine Villa is closed how am I going to go in there. Who knows if they turned off the phone ringer and that's why he doesn't answer and the answering machine does not come on. No Director say to NOT CONTACT THEM AGAIN. SO no more checking on my Dad, my half sister has been a b*tch to me since she got Dad to sign those forms. Took over his house after 2 weeks and he recovered and wanted to move back but she already planned to take everything from him. I am sick to my stomach. Lawyers are not calling back.. Help

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Find Care & Housing
Yes, MJ, you have a good point here. He may just need a higher level of care at this time.
I could not help but notice that Bluetelu was 1) Not okay with the half-sister's care of their Dad; 2) Is not okay with the AL facility's care of her Dad; 3) and still not okay with her half-sister being POA.

So her solution is to become his caregiver herself, bring Dad home and isolate with him. Does this sound a bit unrealistic to anyone?
I hope that Bluetelu is at least reading, if not coming back to comment further. I would like to ask if Bluetelu had considered caregiving her Dad in his home before he was placed in the AL facility? What happened?

Bluetelu, ARE YOU OKAY?
Helpful Answer (1)

Trying to help you, Bluetelu, before helping you with advice for your Dad. The advise from others here has been very good.

Of course you are worried, just by having a loved one in any facility during the pandemic. I understand. But the facility staff and your half-sister cannot help you with your panic. They have enough to deal with. Do you see this? Can you stop yourself?

You said: "Well, I guess I went too far and since my sister has the poa. He stated they are not going to communicate to me period about my Father and to not contact them again."

Yes, from what you have said here, you went too far.
Then, you have been warned, and then prevented from contacting them again.

There are some things going on that you do not know about. For example, how do you know that your Dad did not fall trying to get to the phone to answer your panicked phone calls? No one knows. It is common for someone his age to not be able to manage the phone and answering equipment. Do not panic about this and start calling staff.

Another example: You said: " My father was so out of it when I was showing him a note to remind him of the answering machine before I had to bring him back. He would ignore what I was saying....". This shows that you may be unaware of his cognitive abilities. That your agenda for him is going to supercede his actual needs in the moment. You need to just stop.

If you are still opposed to having your Dad in a facility, then you need to wait until the pandemic passes, and restrictions are lifted.
Coming against the POA, who is also living in his house, who is also your half-sister, will guarantee that you will not be able to visit your Dad in the facility, AND, will not be able to be his caregiver in his home, ever.

So you need to fix yourself first. And yes, it is not easy, it won't be easy for you. Is there any other family involved?
Helpful Answer (1)


I do not want to seem mean and/or judgy, but I had a really hard time understanding what you were talking about.

Your post was one run on sentence, and that made it hard to extract from it what you are trying to do.

You want dad to have a microwave and some other things? Ok, that IS going to cost you more, b/c it ups the care level for him. That's just the truth.

The director will not talk to you.

Well, if you are not POA, they don't have to, in fact, in can be illegal to do so.

You need to work WITH sister, not against her. She has the 'power' as it were.

Sounds like dad NEEDS a higher level of care. But in order to find out anything about that, you need to be able to talk with sister.

Does DAD say he appointed the wrong child or is that your take on this?

I am sorry for your frustration, and to top things off, with COVID, you have not been able to visit him. The isolation is not about him PERSONALLY--all NH's are dealing facilities full of depressed and lonely patients. I'm sure they are aware he is not enjoying being isolated.

Good luck, going forward. I hope you can work with sister and come to a place where your voice is heard.
Helpful Answer (3)

Your sister is POA and the only one that the Facility should be talking to about Dads care plan. Unless, Dad has placed you on his HIPPA paperwork. The Director probably realized he really didn't need to talk to you so now has chosen not to.

I can see wanting to be there for his appt but again, the doctor should not give you any info on Dad's health. Unless, you are on Dads HIPPA paperwork as authorized.

So the problem you have is Dad has a POA. Sister is his representative and can keep his financial and medical info private. If Dad is found incompetent then she has the authority to place him in a facility and sell his house to pay for his care. The only way you can get around this is get guardianship which is assigned by the Courts. Its expensive and Dad has to be declared incompetent to handle his own affairs.

The lawyers may not be returning calls because you really have no rights. Good or bad Dad picked your sister as POA. A lawyer cannot override Dads decision unless your ready to get guardianship.
Helpful Answer (2)

If you really want to help your father, don't have a power struggle over him. Unless you want to pay an attorney lots of money with no guarantee of an outcome in your favor, do as Mj below suggested and work with your HS, not against her. I'm so sorry...for some problems there are just no good solutions.
Helpful Answer (2)

First, your dad doesn't sound as if AL is right for him. He appears to need a higher level of care, and perhaps memory care is better for him.

You need to work with your sister, like it or not, since she has POA. I suggest you guys get together and move him to a place that will better suit his needs, but you need to work with her, not against her.
Helpful Answer (3)

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter