I feel my Mom currently has no quality of life (see below for background).
Back before dementia started she wrote some explicit health directives. Under those directives we would not hospitalize her again. We would call in hospice. My brother tried to talk to her about this when she was in the hospital and she said she wanted to live. Shortly thereafter she told my sister that if she had to stay in her (great) adult family home, she would rather die.
I don't think Mom can really understand her options at this point. She can communicate and answer questions, but I don't think she can really put it all together. I think when she says she wants to live, she is thinking of living like she was able to live years ago, not how she lives now. I think if the Mom of 5 years ago could see where she is now she would say, "Hospice, definitely".
I'm sure some of you have dealt with this. What happens if the family says, "yes, hospice" and when the doctor asks Mom she says, "no, I want to live even if it means the hospital". We have all the paperwork , health directives, medical POA, etc. I believe I could live with myself if I chose hospice anyway. But would that be allowed, even with medical POA? My siblings and I are all on the same page, and that page is that we hope she dies peacefully in her sleep. But that hasn't happened yet so we are trying to prepare for the next crisis.
For background: My Mom recently suffered acute onset heart failure https://www.agingcare.com/questions/mom-has-developed-breathing-problems-and-edema-and-will-be-seeing-the-doctor-tomorrow-466525.htm?orderby=oldest
She was hospitalized and after a week they were able to balance her heart and kidney functions and she was discharged with no edema and no breathing problems. A week later bloodwork shows some problem with kidney function so the diuretic will have to be decreased. Plus her blood pressure medication may need to be adjusted because her blood pressure is on the edge of being too low.
We were fortunate enough to find a fantastic adult family home for Mom. In the short time she has been there they have been great. However the hospital stay, then another change to the AFH plus a UTI (caught by the AFH), have really increased her dementia. She is very confused and angry and sad.
Thanks for any thoughts.