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After an exhaustive search, we finally decided on a nice Memory Care Facility for Mom. I think that she will be happy once she settles in so I gave the facility the $2000 "non-refundable deposit" required for admission. However, Mom says she won't leave my home and is resisting every step of the way. Consequently, we are having a horrible time getting her to participate in the Facility's Need Assessment. The nurse who conducts the assessment says that at a minimum she must assess Mom's level of functioning and the condition of her skin. Yet, no one seems to know how to get Mom to comply. Is she the only stubborn person with dementia or have others had similar problems? If Mom won't comply will the facility keep the deposit?

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Do you have POA, if so, u are incharge because she can no longer make in formed decisions. I did not tell Mom she was going to a assessment meeting. We went into a roomvwhere the nurse ask Mom questions. I was asked what she no longer did for herself. There was no physical as such. Its now what Mom needs not what she wants. My Mom was pretty much into her journey when I placed her into an AL. She was told she was going to an apartment where she would make new friends. I did not take my Mom in with the idea of it being forever. I always knew she would eventually be placed in an AL.
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Quite honestly, with a non-refundable amount I am quite surprised they will not do an inhome assessment. Perhaps have a visiting nurse do the assessment. You could take Mom there on some sort of therapeutic lie about assessing for some health care needs, or just for a ride. But it won't be easy. I am surprised they do not have any other suggestions for you, because as you say this can't be the first time.
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Realyreal is right.....take mother to the hospital and let them deal with it.

The bigger question is.......if mother stamps her feet and holds her breath until she turns blue, do you cave, demand the MC refund your deposit, and continue to let her live in your home?

My vote is No. She can have the assessment by the nurse at the MC, like a normal person, or she can be taken to the hospital, kicking and screaming. Her choice, same result: placement in the MC where she will get the care she needs.

Good luck!!
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I would take mom to the hospital and let them deal with it.

I don't think that anyone has the right to hijack someone else's home.

I used to tell the little ones, some things only have 2 choices, the easy way or the hard way. That it is going to happen isn't a choice, but how it happens is. Sounds like you need to get mom to the hospital and do this the hard way. Maybe clarifying that it doesn't change the end result will help her let the assessment be done.

I would ask the facility, because they would not be taking my money and then not getting her assessed and moved, I'd raise the roof. If that happens it could be a money scam and I would tell them that you are going to expose them. Doesn't matter if you signed something, they are requiring the assessment so they need to make that happen or refund your money.
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