What to do if you feel an aging parent shouldn't drive anymore, and they won't listen or take your advice?

We've just gone through this with my mother-in-law (who lives on a house on our property). No one in the family would ride with her and her attention span and reaction times were poor. She almost ran me off the road, yet still "trusted" friends and even her counselor urged us to hold off taking the license. Of course, the inevitable happened - she rear ended someone while fiddling with the radio and other car controls. Fortunately, no one was seriously injured. While the car was in the shop, she had nothing to drive (complained constantly but we told her that she would now have to get a doctor's approval to resume driving and also used the incident as the trigger to get her to a neurologist (referral from her GP). I had written twice to the Texas DPS (no response, no action). However, once she got to the neurologist, he said "no driving" and turned in a form to DPS on which they acted within days. She still believes that when she "passes" her psychologist testing and gets the final results from the neurologist, that she will be cleared to drive. She doesn't realize that DPS has already suspended her license and that she is no longer carried on our insurance policy (the insurance doesn't want to cover someone with Alzheimers). Clearly, she won't "pass" her exams so it won't be an issue, but if I had it to do over, I would have trusted my instincts and simply overridden the recommendations of the "trusted friends" and counselor and taken her keys away. Don't wait for the phone call that your parent has had an accident or worse.

I would do whatever it takes to stop him from driving while keeping my safety in mind. Eventually, he will not recall the details about it.

I would first try contacting his doctor, DMV, etc., however, I would be careful with the insurance. If his insurance is cancelled and he continues to drive anyway, he could have a wreck and be uninsured, which is a terrible possibility. People with dementia may not heed a letter from the insurance company telling them their insurance has been cancelled. They may likely forget it or ignore it and keep driving. I would get the license taken, plates and car turned in, before I put the insurance in jeopardy.

How about calling his insurance agent? If his insurance is cancelled, then most states suspend the license. Might that work?

If you really believe he is an accident waiting to happen, don't wait until he has a serious accident. Do what you know is right. I think it would be helpful to have someone else evaluate him, though. How about arranging a significant test drive for him with another family member or a friend of yours?

Unfortunately, it doesn't appear that Colorado has any special programs addressing this problem with seniors or brain damaged adults. That is unfortunate.

Think about dad's alternative. How do you propose they get around? If you take that nuclear option Windy suggests, you have to temper it with a plan for them. I advocate that nuclear option, by the way.

Do they have taxi service where they live? Subsidized senior citizen riding program? A volunteer organization that provides transportation? Are you and or other family members prepared to give them two or three outings a week so they can call YOU or others for scheduled rides? Get a plan in place.

Then, if you really think he is a danger to himself or others, you do what you have to do to keep everyone safe and accept the fallout. Take the keys and disable the car. It's just part of the job.

Sorry about the typos. Should say, You can send a report.............d@mn I pad one finger typing..............

The two hardest thing with elders is stopping the driving and getting them into care, and I'm not sure which is worse.

You should research this site for all kinds of advice and peoples ecperinces with this issue.

I'm in a similar situation with my Dad. He's 85, has dementia and thinks his driving and everthing else is just fine. So far he hasn't gotten lost or so much as scratched the car but I agonise over taking the keys as he would physically confront me.

You, his doctor, or the cops can't send a repot you to the DMV requesting he be tested. Some states wil act on this, call him in for a test and yank his license if he fails. Other states are very lax. My Dads in WV and his Doc took me its a waste of time as he's submitted reports on several elderly patients to no avail.

If things get really scary and he won't cooperate, the nuclear option is to take the keys and/or disable the car. I'm prepared to do this with my Dad when the time comes. If he takes a swing at me I'll survive. That's much easier to get through than him killing someone on the highway. And btw, get any guns out of the house if you go nuclear!

I am in the Philadelphia area and several hospitals/rehab centers offer a driving test for seniors/brain damaged individuals. The test is expensive $300+ but evaluates their reaction time, coordination, etc. and then determines if they should be driving or not. This takes the responsibility for making that decision out of your hands.