What to do for the holidays?

If finances allow there is another option other than trying to get MIL up all the stairs into your home. Consider renting a one bedroom hotel suite at someplace like Residence Inn or Homewood Suites that includes a kitchen and living room setup for a very homey setting for your family gathering. Transferring your meal may be much easier than trying to get MIL into your home. If you purchase a prepared meal from a grocery or restaurant this could be even easier. There are ground floor ADA units with wide doors that easily accommodate wheelchairs and have lots of handrails in the bath that would make changing incontinence underwear easier.

There are washable waterproof pads available in several colors that I would suggest using along with incontinence underwear; with just a little bit of luck, you will not need to clean your car seats or couch. Make sure she has on a clean panty when you leave NH, change as needed during the visit and change into a clean panty before heading back to the NH. Even if there's a minor leak, the pad will most likely contain it all.

Incontinence panties have tearable sides just like a children's training pull-up. I suggest your MIL wear a dress so changes will be easier. I place a throw over my mother's legs for warmth. If she can still stand with a walker or grab bars you can place a clean panty over her feet, then get her to stand while you tear the old panty on the sides and place into a plastic grocery bad, use baby wipes as needed to clean her, then just pull up the new panty, tie the handles on the bag and throw away. I use a couple of plastic chip clips to tack the dress up during changes. If she cannot stand you will probably need to use the bed and roll her from side to side to pull the new panty up. I would use a disposable pad to protect the bed during changes.

If no one in your family wants to cope with changing incontinence panties, you could consider engaging a CNA to assist with MIL's care that day/afternoon.

Since I haven’t dealt with the wheelchair/steps problem, I will let others weigh in on it.
As for the potty problem, I am sure Mom would never want to cause undue work. Perhaps one of the moisture barrier mattress pads, with a blanket or coverlet over it, on the chair or sofa where she will be sitting at your home? I wouldn’t let potty accidents keep me from having mom visit. Enjoy Mom while you still have her.

I realize that ramps and equipment are costly, but found a mobile stair lift online. Search mobilestairlift.com for their battery operated stair lift chair to view. Perhaps a durable medical equipment provider rents something?
You have received lots of good advice here. Both husband and wife need to be onboard with the logistics and the work division.
For the future, create a Christmas box, maybe a plastic tote with lid. Put in a small pop-up tree, a few ornaments she would enjoy seeing nice again. Clearance Christmas party plates, napkins, etc. the idea is to make it easy to take the holiday to her. If able, maybe a small, portable printer and picture frame, to take photo of her and her son, and print, to put on display in fram in the box, planned for the special holiday party. Your spouse will love you all the more for giving his mother a bit of special thought and preparation. Many supermarkets have cooked holiday meals, that you can just heat and serve. Since transportation and logistics take a good chunk of time away from the hostess’ time, make it as easy as possible. Might the nursing home have a microwave you could use, or invest in a few small crockpots for keeping holiday foods hot for the trip to her. The visit is the point, not gifts, not the menu.

I was going to suggest the same thing as Friendtotheend......use the room at the facility. Probably other families have reserved it but even the living area or lobby would be better than nothing. There you would have aids to help with her when needed. My father drew the line with his step father after driving 45 minutes to get him from the facility, putting him in the car and wheelchair to have him poop all in the front seat on the way to my parents home. Well, I’m going through the same thing with dad. He’s 96, uses a walker but can’t go up stairs and has accidents. Oh yes and doesn’t hear well even with hearing aids. Sometimes you must be strong to say we will come to you. Having said that....I also agree with hiring an aid to do the heavy lifting and to clean up if your husband insists on this. Just now reading this and replying so I hope you have figured something out. Hope the fight has been put to rest. Good luck and God Bless

Mom has "leaks". We use "night defense" adult underwear. More absorbing than regular adult underwear. Line the area where she will be sitting with pads designed for the purpose. In addition, my mom sits on a throw pillow. The pillow is washable in case of an accident.

Walk or wheel mom to the bathroom every hour or two as a just in case. Minimizing accidents.

How do you and your husband get up to the living area of the house? Ask your husband what he suggests to get her up to the apartment.

Nicole0807
so please let us all know....
how did it go? What did you do and not do and how are things with you and DH because you know, we are all dying to know by now!!
Much love and Merry Christmas to you!

Celebrate at home and then go visit her and celebrate with her. We brought my FIL home once, he was scared and confused. The next year we all celebrated at home and then visited him as group the next day, brought him his gifts and exchanged our own gifts with the family member we had drawn. We brought dessert to share and treats for him to keep in his room. The facility let us use a conference room so we had some privacy and didn’t disturb other residents.

I echo Whatabout me...what ended up happening now that we’ve all chimed in with advice?

Visit her at the nursing home, bring a video of your home and show it to her - if it won't upset her.

Sounds like it would be best to be prudent for her safety and your sanity.

Can we have an update? What did you end up doing? Your resolution could help someone else with theirs.