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My Mom is mobile and wants to live in her home...Last year Mom had 2 strokes, but we rehabilitated her and she is at 75% of what she was...She just needs monitoring...She doesn't want to be a burden on her kids and I am a single male that lives the closest to her. What should I do first?

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Excellent advice, equillot. My father died last year, leaving my mother after 65 years of marriage. The first few months were spent adjusting to the new reality. I let her be the judge of what she was ready to do. I was living here, so was able to do the daily things. Geoffrey, if it is possible, I would have family come in and do things for her and keep a watchful eye while they are there. If your mother has been living independently with your father, chances are she will do okay as long as she has an emergency alert of some type and someone watching out for her. You will probably know what to do when the time comes. It sounds like she has a wonderful son on her side. I am sorry to read about your father.

It may be that soon your mother will be interested in moving into an independent or assisted senior living community. You can research the ones around you to see which ones seem best for your mother if she wants to move to one soon. If she doesn't want to be a "burden" to her children, it may be what she prefers if the house is too much for her.
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The first question I would ask is, How much monitoring does she need? Daily? Hourly?
Is your Mom ok with preparing her own meals? Cleaning her own home? Or if not heavy cleaning, picking up after herself? Does she need assistance with bathing? Can she still drive? Get herself to doctor appointments?

If your Mom can pretty much operate on her own, she may be fine with you just checking in on her on a daily basis. She may benefit from weekly or bi-weekly cleaning services (we get that 2 x/month for all the heavy stuff), or she (and you) may feel more comfortable if she wears one of those medic call pendants.

My Dad died after 58 years of marriage to my Mom. Like your Mom, she wanted to stay in her home. Mom got married young, and had never lived on her own. She wanted to prove she could do it. Grief counselors say to make no major life decisions in the first year, so Mom decided to keep the same house and not sell until that year was up. After that she sold and bought a smaller condo that was more suited to just her and didn't remind her at every turn of Dad. Let your Mom make whatever decisions she is capable of making as long as it still safe for her to do so. My MIL is 90 and still living independently, while my Mother is 82 and not. Different situations - you have to judge each on their own merits. Good luck!
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