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Geezelouise, you’re asking what you should do. I believe you already know. You say you are already living at separate ends of the house. Are you aware of when he comes and goes and where he might be going? He’s already spoken about getting a firearm. Will you know when he does or will the first you know he has one is when he gets angry and comes to your bedroom door with it?

Are you staying there simply because it’s easier than uprooting your life? Because he obviously treats you like a sub-human, you really have no obligation to him. Just go. No one should have to tolerate being treated like this.
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geezlouise - stay safe and don't under-estimate someone who is depressed, abusive, and controlling. If/when your husband loses control, there's no telling what he is capable of.

Make your exit plan, have it at the ready for when you need it.
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Thank you. No physical abuse. He doesn't want to go to jail. He has no kids. I can't get him to go to the doctor. So it appears that I will eventually leave him. We live at separate ends of the house and that is even too close. I never know what kind of mood he will be in.
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MACinCT Oct 29, 2018
This is not for jail but for him to get emergency psychiatric treatment
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Some dementias include increased violence. It sounds like you will be heading towards calling 911 to help him get emergency psychiatric treatment. Look up the Baker act. A good psychiatrist can separate personality from dementia. Proper medication should help. Meanwhile be attentive that he could harm you. My cousin was a victim of murder suicide. Does he own firearms? This is a bad combination with dementia. If so consider an exit strategy if things get worse.
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geezlouise822 Oct 29, 2018
Thank you. No, there are no firearms here but he talks I'd getting one. He was a sharpshooter in the army so knows them well. I recently bought my own car and will leave I'd I ha
ve to.
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Geezlouise - you said your husband is forgetful, controlling and abusive.

Is the forgetfulness new? Could it be the beginning of dementia? How about his being controlling and abusive? Are those his personality traits? Or new changes?

If those are new changes, perhaps they are caused by his illness, and his depression. I'd check with the doctor.

If those are his personality traits, then he probably won't change. The only thing you can do is to keep away from him or keep him away from you.

You don't deserve to be treated badly by anyone, husband included.
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geezlouise822 Oct 29, 2018
Thank you. I think it is personality traits, but the forgetfulness is not. He refuses to see a doctor. His unpredictability may cause me to leave.
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Has your husband ever physically abused you? If he hasn’t yet, it sounds like he definitely could. You don’t say in your profile, but has he been tested for dementia?

If you, yourself are financially solvent, to be brutally honest, if it were me, I’d get the heck out. This isn’t 1950. Married men no longer have unquestioned dictatorship over their wives unless, of course, their wives allow it. He can only control and abuse you if you let him. You are a grown woman who had a life before him. Perhaps when you were courting, he showed his good side.

If he has children and they are unaware of his treatment of you, let them in on it. Chances are if there’s an ex-wife in the picture, they’ve heard it before. Enlist their help to get Dad to a doctor for evaluation. There are doctors who come to your home. You can also use the therapeutic fib and tell him he needs a physical or they will cancel his insurance. Will all the new health care rules, who knows?

If at any time he threatens you physically, immediately call 911. If you don’t, he could lose control and case you bodily harm, or worse. If it is dementia, it’s only going to get worse.
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geezlouise822 Oct 29, 2018
No physical abuse. He refuses medical care. We already live at separate ends of the house. I may end up leaving him. Thank you.
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