I am my mother’s POA. My sister is backup. My sister and I live half way across the country from her. My mother continues to make poor choices and is now in debt . We discussed what I thought was best for her a year ago. We were visiting for her birthday and threw a tantrum, basically told my husband he was not welcome in her home for absolutely no good reason. We packed up and left. I had not spoken to her in months. She wanted money for her mortgage one month so I sent it to her however I am not sure she didn’t spend it to get her RV serviced in another state . It cost her $6000 that she doesn’t have and she gave them $1000. They are keeping her RV until she pays him. She then tried to get a $6000 loan which I knew she couldn’t get and this all went on without me knowing. she has a truck she could sell to get the money to get the RV back. She is 83 and wants to sell her home to live in her RV in a park and thinks that people there will be great. I told her she should go to an ALF and she still refuses to look at them saying she can’t live within 4 walls. she makes no sense and she has always had this “plan” in her mind for years. I know this is not dementia. I just think she has some bipolar characteristics which when her husband passed over a year ago have become worse. she had to go to the hospital twice and each time did not require admission. I had to get her an uber to get her home. She has good neighbors but does not appreciate them and they can’t be responsible for her. I have given her gift card for grocery store and she claimed she didn’t know to get access as I sent it to her phone and that I should take it back. I think she just wanted the money to go to her debt for her RV. she was so mean to my husband when we were there that I will never go back. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks.
You live halfway across the country from her. THAT is wonderful. STAY THERE. Send a letter of resignation of your POA.
You cannot stop the mentally ill from carrying forward with bad decisions. No court will EVER intervene for the mentally ill in the manner they will for the demented as courts believe that mentally ill people have a right to make their own decisions about everything including whether or not to be medicated for stability.
You cannot change anything for someone mentally ill and you are lucky not to be there. When she needs intervention it should be by the state. Let her and others calling on her behalf know that you cannot function for someone who is uncooperative and don't intend to try.
If you need to UNDERSTAND FULLY that what I say is likely the truth then get to book, a memoir, by Liz Scheier titled Never Simple. She tried for many decades to intervene and care for her mentally ill mother with the entire state and city of New York's social workers. ALL TO NO AVAIL and all leading to a life of misery for them both until her mother's death.
Not everything cane be fixed. Join a support group for families of mentally ill. There are many out there. In that regard the internet is your friend.
I think it is high time that you contact APS that she is financially vulnerable. Head this off before she gets evicted because the state might, just might have alternatives before she becomes homeless.
In order to activate your PoA you will probably need to fly out there for at least 2 to 3 weeks. This will depend upon how cooperative she is, and this is assuming the PoA document indicates that an official medical diagnosis of sufficient impairment is necessary.
But you've posted twice now about cutting ties (in your other post) and now you say you'll "never go back", yet you keep posting about "suggestions". I suggest you make a decision and stick to it and don't come back here a 3rd time wanting any other suggestions as you sit on the fence.
If you need strategies on how to get an uncooperative adult in for a cognitive exam, or info on what happens when an elder has no PoA but is dire need of help, this is the forum to come to. But we can't help you until you make a decision.
If she is not of sound mind — either due to cognitive issues, dementia, or mental health conditions, you can exercise your POA to take control of things she can no longer safely manage, such as money, her house, and driving, and you can make decisions on her behalf such as medical and health decisions, where she should live, and how her money or or resources are best used for her own well being (whether she agrees or not).
An elder care attorney can help you figure it out.
In the case of my dad who had dementia and the DPOA I had for him, I had to get a letter from his neurologist stating he was no longer capable of managing his own affairs to get control.
My dad never accepted anything was wrong with him except insomnia, even though his personality changed dramatically and he was making dangerous, disastrous choices. We told him all the appointments and pills were to help with the insomnia, which got him to cooperate. (And the pills did help the insomnia too). He continued to be angry and to try to get around the controls years after he was diagnosed. I had to do quite a few unpleasant things which at the time I wasn’t sure how I would get the courage, but I did. It still makes me sad sometimes, but I am not sorry. I would do it again.
good luck to you!!
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/has-anybody-had-to-cut-ties-with-parent-due-to-them-being-horrible-to-you-497102.htm
It sounds like your mother is suffering from dementia, which you cannot deny unless she's been evaluated and you saw the results of her test. Once she's evaluated, she needs to be placed in either Assisted Living or Memory Care Assisted Living where she will be safe and not a danger to herself. She should not have access to money in managed care either, and her assets would be sold to pay for her care. Stop sending gift cards over the phone which she is obviously unable to access. There's more going on with her than you're aware of, living so far away.
As moms POA, it's your job to see to it that she's safe and not a danger to herself now. Overlook the nasty behavior and get her to the doctor or the ER for evaluation. Once she's diagnosed, you can then decide how to proceed.
Best of luck to you.