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She falls a lot, walks around holding onto walls, couple days ago tumbled down her staircase, she won't listen to reasoning. I'm there everyday to check on her and scared one day I will find her lifeless. She won't except help from anyone. The strange things she does that isn't normal. How do we get her the help she needs?

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When DH has the POA organised, he needs to cancel her bank and credit card accounts so that she can’t 'give money away over the phone’. He can open new accounts in her name if he wishes, just don’t give her the numbers.
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anonymous1003629 Jan 14, 2020
Margaret,,we went into her bank talked with them about mothers problem,,they can't just close her account without her being there and signing papers and new account open in sons name,,mother refuses to do so,,,so our hands are tied
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My MIL is in the same situation. Except for giving away money--she'll squeeze a penny til it bleeds.

But she is supposed to be walking with a walker and using oxygen and does neither, She wants DH to install 'hand rails' all around the house and he patently refused, said if she can't walk from the sink to the table, she has no business living alone.

The 'fear' that one day someone is going to find her lifeless or nearly so, having fallen, yet again, is a very real fear. She just got out of rehab for a nasty fall, UTI and pneumonia. Refuses all aid except for what her daughter can provide. DH has POA but won't do anything to move her to safer environs and has frankly given up trying.

We are by no means alone in this dynamic. I imagine there are 100's of thousands of elderly people who are driving their loved ones nuts by being so difficult to work with.
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If she falls again and is hospitalized (with perhaps rehab in a facility after that), that will be the chance for your H to firmly state to the discharge planner that his mother lives alone and needs placement.

I hope the end result won't be that she comes to live with you! Because then you will become her caregiver. Why do you and not your H go there every day to check on her?

Are you willing for her to come to live with you? If not, plans need to be set into place ASAP so that that does NOT happen.
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anonymous1003629 Jan 10, 2020
I go everyday to get her mail and paper for her,,that's when I check on her,,,hubby at work all day so he cant,,she can't come to my house,,I have cats and a dog she's alerject to both
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LostinPa,

Your husband has to get her assessed and the POA activated. Next step is to have her bank accounts changed so she no longer has access to them.

Unfortunately she may have created a huge problem if she has indeed given away her money. If she needs a nursing home, she will be private pay. The medicaid 5 year look back will not accept her giving money away without a penalty.

If there is any value in her home, it can be sold to cover care costs for her.
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Your husband needs to have her evaluated by a neurologist. When he gives the diagnosis of Dementia thats when his POA comes into effect. Then he makes the decisions in Moms best interest. It is no longer what she wants its what she needs. I would not take her into my home. She is already showing she is going to be hard to handle. If she can afford it, place her in an AL.
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anonymous1003629 Jan 10, 2020
Sad part is shes so broke it's pitiful,,she had so much money that she kept giving and giving now all she has is her S.S.,,,I monitor her mail any money beggars mail she doesn't ever see anymore,but still gives money away over the phone giving her account info out,,can't make her understand that's not safe to do,just lost on what to do :(
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Who has her Durable Power Of Attorney? Has she been evaluated for Dementia?
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anonymous1003629 Jan 10, 2020
My husband,,,her son has POA,,she was diagnosed 3yrs ago for short term memory loss,,Dr told us that is first signs of dementia and it will get worse over time,,we are seeing it happen
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