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My mom has early stage dementia Alzheimer’s lives alone in a apartment that is in area for 62 and up. She is 73 and has went thru 5 different banks in the past 1 yr and 3 months. At beginning it was due to she was talking to men who claim to be in service and need to have money wired to places but could only do it by wiring to get first and she would make $650. Well that happened twice and bank caught it and so did sencond bank. So another bank she claims Someone stealing her money as these charges for internet stuff kept showing up and she said she never ordered such things and never received.  Well this last bank I never knew she opened until dr told me as me and her got into it bad every time these events happened. well just found out now that she had problems with this last bank and now has an online bank city bank is what she told my daughter. I am wondering if anything I can do about this? She and I have our episodes where don’t talk due to she is severe narcissistic and other family don’t have very much to do with her either so I am it. Last month I had to pay her electric cause of this and I don’t work just hubby and she don’t like him and despises him.

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From your profile: "48 years old oldest daughter .. only 2 of us .. my sister lives in Florida. i have always know i would have to take care of mom. I am married .. been forever 10yrs. have two grown children girl 22 boy 28 . i am unable to work trying to get disability. i have ptsd fibromyalgia depression anxiety bipolar back problems so it’s hard fir me to function sometimes . i have come to find out ma is a narcissist. "

Step away and STAY away. Why have you always known you would have to take care of your mother? What does that mean? Your stepfather abused you and your mother did nothing.

Why did you pay her electric bill?

What do you think is the end point if you do NOT back out? I really don't see any intermediate ground, what with your PTSD and other medical issues, your financial difficulties, and your history with your mother.
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Angela, now that you’ve shared more about your mom, the history of the relationship between you, and your personal story, the answers change. Prioritize your own marriage and home life. Refuse to let your mother interfere or give any false guilt. Back away from her situation and her finances. Don’t argue or explain. You’re a full adult, mom does not rule over you any longer
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Mom needs you or someone else who is trustworthy to take over her finances. Sadly, she’s no longer able to handle this task. Does someone have POA for her finances when she can no longer handle it? That time is now. She needs no access to significant money, credit cards, or checks. An elder law attorney can be a big help in getting this changed
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angela1973 Nov 2021
Well she won’t let anyone do this she threatens to disappear and no one find her .. I have POA but I don’t think it’s actually financially and the other day when we were discussing this she said I have no right to take over or due anything unless she is incapacitated or such .. ( note me and her have had a violate relationship my whole life) she stayed with step father who molested me and made me leave every weekend when he came home plus I grew up protecting her from him when they would physically fight she was also abusive with me and my sister .. I just so am lost now today when she asked if I could take her to a bank a hour away to open account and I said I can’t due to my vehicle having mechanical problems I can’t drive but locally and she sent me
Awful text saying well if I can’t get my social security check guess me and Sophie get kicked out of apartment and live in a box.. she always guilts me but my husband said no .. cause there is no one who could come get us or us afford to have it towed we are in financial trouble ourselves as i currently can’t work applying for disability and his son girlfriend 11 month baby and she pregnant living here
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You need to see a lawyer for conservatorship or guardianship or it is quite possible that every penny your Mom has will be wiped out. At this point it is too late for a POA.
You can appoint a fiduciary to handle all bills and money in and out if you wish, or can handle the finances yourself keeping track of every penny into Mom's assets and every cent out.
You will need proof of dementia and doctors letters to say that your mother should not now be in charge of handling her own money, if indeed that is the case.
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angela1973 Nov 2021
So I would need to talk to her dr then and show proof of this or what? I didn’t go to last visit with her as she was very disrespectful and yelled and screams at me and i can only put up with it so much so her caretaker that comes 3x a week took her .. she is a narcissist and we have always had vioktile relationship since child
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If you don't have a power of attorney for her there's nothing you can do, unless you want to pursue legal guardianship of her. Has she been diagnosed with Alzheimer's? If so she's not legally competent to open and close bank accounts. Please don't pay her bills, if the wheels are coming off the wagon just keep the best eye on her you are (mentally and physically) able, and alert authorities when you think things are severe enough to warrant it.
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angela1973 Nov 2021
I have a POA but her last bank when she opened this secret I went in and showed the POA they talked to their lawyers and said it’s not worth anything me having to have access to her account .. and I told them why I wanted to and what she had already done with 3 other banks and that she has early stage dementia and is on medicine but they didn’t and wouldn’t let me and now here she is they closed her account because she deposited a suspicious check ..I am at such a lost this has and is causing so much problems in my marriage as she thinks everything about her
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