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I am literally racing the clock to find a group/nursing facility to place my mom, who will be 88 in 2 weeks. She's now in a nursing care facility as of May 18, but no longer Medicare covered since 6/26..The bill is mounting and she has no resources to pay that. I've appealed 3 times for an unsafe discharge as she's very frail, can't use walker/dress/bathe/cook w/o assistance. Won the first two appeals but lost the third. They're keeping her there until a decision is made as to where she'll go. She finally qualified today for ALTCS (Medicaid) after weeks of filling out forms, phone calls, etc etc...I did get help in finding two nice group homes very close to my home so that I could visit her more often. I should explain that I am disabled and not physically able to give her the level of care needed. The problem I face is to place her in a group home where they will keep all but $108 of her social security income each month for payment of care. With that said, I could no longer pay her bills starting this month (July) I'd have to hurry and pack up her home by myself and sell the home within 30 days. She owns her home but pays rent for the lot it sits on. Or she can go home and have in-home care for 4 hours per day, 5 days per week, Medicaid funded. She would be able to keep her soc. sec. income and no lien on her home would be placed. I'd still go over and do what I can...bring meals, help with bathing, laundry... a couple times per week.... My husband & I can take her to doctor appointments, buy her groceries, etc..This is what we've done for her up until she became ill but realize she shouldn't be alone for so many hours per day. She's now mulling over what she wants to do. I've always promised her (and my dad before he passed) that I'd take care of her and never put her in nursing care.. She was very independent when dad passed in '90' and has been up until 5 years ago when she fell and broke her hip, then other hip a year later...We've taken care of her for the past 5 years but our health is declining. I don't have siblings to help with her care or make decisions. This is such a difficult decision for me...do I let her go home with limited care and be happy in her home...even though there are risks involved...or place her in a group home where I fear it will break her heart and mine. I do have another question...Can the state place a lien on mom's home if she goes into a Medicaid approved group home...I am a co-owner on the title and have no idea...If sold, I wanted to pay off her creditors, nursing home, and hospital bills with the proceeds.Thanks to anyone who has read this through, I do appreciate it.

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Regarding what is best to do about the house (if Mom does not live in it), consult an attorney specializing in Elder Law. The fact that you are a co-owner will make a difference, and you need to speak to an expert on how this works in your state.
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Have a look at what one of AC's smart and compassionate experts, Carol Bradley Bursack, has to say about promises: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/I-promised-my-parents-I-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm
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lilymar, you're in a position many people find themselves in. I wanted to first mention the house. A house is a bit of an albatross when it comes to Medicaid. If you sell your mother's house while she is on Medicaid, she will most likely lose her Medicaid coverage until the money made from the sale is spent. Then you would need to reapply for Medicaid. If you do not sell it, she can remain on Medicaid and the state will probably put a lien on it if your mother goes into a home. The family would be responsible for maintaining the home. Many of these expenses can be deducted later when the house is sold and recovery made, so you would need to keep good records if you spend any of your personal money. What you choose as best will depend on if your mother owes anything on a mortgage.

I don't know if your mother could make it at home by herself for so many hours. I think you are right to see about placing her in a skilled facility. Many people would like to stay in their own homes, but unless someone is there all the time, it isn't practical. Having someone there all the time can certainly get expensive, so most people can't swing it. What I hope is that you can find her a good facility that she will enjoy after she adjusts. I know how hard this is and how guilty you feel. I have a feeling that no matter what you do, you will feel guilty. I would opt for feeling guilty but knowing she was receiving care. Please let us know how it is going with your mother.
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