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mom had a stroke and an above knee amputation,she also has Alzheimer's and is starting to show signs of dementia,she needs total care. dad has diabetes,and terminal liver cancer. he can still do a lot of things himself.. i moved in to help them, but i was still able to work myself at that point, but now its become 24/7. i don't want to sound ungrateful for all they have done for me in the past, but i still have to try and make a living to right?

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arose4yu makes a valid point, but you will have "overhead" also -- you will need to file quarterly estimated taxes, and pay self-employment taxes, etc. Also making an estimate based on 6 hour days is not at all a match for what you put in when you are the sole caregiver for two adults. A better comparison base is what it would cost for a live-in caregiver. I suggest you do the research for that in your area.

It also depends on what your parents can afford. Do they have assets? What is their income? Of course an agency isn't going to base it on what they can afford, but I think most children would take that into account.

Do you have siblings? For one child to give up a career and social life to devote full time to the parents for little or no pay while the parents save their money to pass on to the kids who didn't help is extremely unfair, in my opinion.

When you come up with an amount, go with Dad to a lawyer and have a formal contract drawn up. This is so any family members will know what's what, and also to ensure that Medicaid, should it ever be needed, will not consider the amount a "gift."

If Dad is reluctant to pay you for the care, then perhaps you'll have to say, "I really and truly wish I were independently wealthy and I could do this without consideration of my own financial needs. But I am not. So I'm afraid I will have to look for full-time work." At that point you can give him your research results so that he can decide how he is going to get his and Mom's care needs met.
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you guys realize that that the 15-20 /hr you see listed, agencies keep $5-10/ of that for overhead,etc.....and the caregivers are technically only earning $10.00/hr
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You may want to print this out and show it to him. He may think this isn't reasonable; however you need to tell him: "Dad if I don't work a full time job outside of caregiving, I don't have the opportunity to earn a liveable wage, have benefits (insurance, stock options, retirement, etc.)" -- when you factor those things in, the $15-20/hr is more than fair. You need to explain to him: "Dad how will I save for my retirement or pay for my healthcare/caregiving if I don't have family to care for me when I age and need it?" This is serious; if you go out and get a Long Term Care policy for yourself now; that alone will be $300/mo or so; health insurance even at minimum must be at least $100/mo; phone, car, car insurance...Maybe you also need to talk to your dad about his finances, property and how this will be distributed in the will.
You are a loving daughter. I think about all the caregivers out there who have given up their careers, home, life to care for a parent(s) and I think, once they pass away or have to move to a nursing home, where does that leave the surviving caregiver? The property - home may have to be sold to pay for the facility, this can go very quickly $12K or more a month! So if you multiply that by 3 years -- it pretty much eats up the estate. Where does that leave you? They may be faced with 30 years or more to rebuild and its not easy getting back into the workforce to a job that has benefits; plus it leaves little time for them to build their own nest egg. If there isn't much if any left in the estate; it will be struggle.
I don't mean to be a downer; but I'm seeing more and more families where parents have saved all their lives and think that the $500K or so in their savings+property will be more than enough to pass down -- then something happens, stroke, dementia, AL where these diseases can have the parent lingering for several years yet needing 24/7 care and it goes very quickly. I just went through with my mother and the in-home care was $14K per month (at $20/hr); and we still had to pay for the household expenses to keep the house, food, utilities, insurance, going... Thats $168K per year! My mom is 90 - great shape physically (she could live to 100 or more) but mentally can't care for herself. Even with her estate; she would eventually be on Medicare. She doesn't want to go into a memory care; but that would only be $4500/mo.
Some food for thought...Good Luck.
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From what I've been reading the going rate is $15-$20 an hr. Even if you were to be extremely generous @ a discounted rate of $10 an hr for ONLY 6 hrs a day $60 x 7 days a week =$420 $1,680 a month. That may help put it in perspective for your father. Give him the $15.00 hr figures first Then show him the $10 hr discounted rate. But how does he expect you to pay your bills on $200 a week & no income now from your job you gave up in order to care for him? If you don't get paid what you feel is fairly lower then the industry standard because they are your parents & maybe you feel its the least you could do for whatever your reason be. Just know that you will eventually become very resentful. And it will only get worse. Being a caretaker is NO easy task. Or maybe your father can go without your help for a little while & let him pay someone else to assist them. Hey, he may even like it better?. But I highly doubt it, and hopefully he will be more willing to work out an agreement that you will be content with & he will feel like hes getting a steal of a deal vs. paying the industry standard with a lot less time given in help & care for them & a lot more $ out of his pocket. Good Luck to you!
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thank you both for your advise,i would just like to say that for about the last year ive been living with my folks to help care for my mother. But i was still able to go to work during the day, plus after i fed them and put them to bed on friday nights i would take the rest of the night for myself. but as of about two months ago it became a ful time thing and for both of them. my dad has been paying me 200 per week, but now that it is a full time deal and i cant work at all or even have some time for me, how much should i charge, he likes it how it is and thinks im out of line to ask for more. how do i talk to him when he is always right, and wont listen, i trully think that he thinks im 12 years old again, and i will get grounded, lol. im 50.
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Agree with above post. Talk to your dad. Then decide on an hourly fee - (I just had in-home services with CNAs and they were $20.50 per hour) -- this included care, assistance with meds, bathing, preparing meals, errands, minor household chores. Some will be only $15 if they aren't doing chores, dishes, preparing meals, etc.

Make sure you discuss your plan with your sibs so that there is no resentment once this is in place. Understand the terms, whether you get property, stay in the house following them moving to AL or dying, etc.

Once you agree on terms; have agreement formally drawn up with the attorney. I've been quoted "live in care" with two week vacation (relief worker) was about $6800/month -- but that is full time care, assistance, household.

Might sound good -- but keep in mind this is a lot of responsibility, emotionally and physically demanding and will continue to get worse. Are you up to the task? Are you willing to give up your life for this?

Better option is to pay someone else for this, you be the daughter and make a living doing something you love where you can set boundaries, turn over the day to day care to someone else and just spend quality time with your folks.
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Have you talked this over with your dad? If he's in agreement about paying you, then find out how much it would cost for a hired live-in help, and go from there. But honestly, if they have the money to pay you now, maybe your mom should be put in a nursing home or whatever, AFTER your dad dies. That's another thing you should be talking to him about. As long as he has his wits about him, talk these things over. Maybe you should already have a money number in mind by showing him some ads or examples of how much other people are charging for this too. And if you have siblings, make sure you have this agreement on paper and signed by your dad before getting any money. I've read enough stories on here about fighting over money that one sibling demands from the other. There's a reason God put that in the Bible you know... "For the LOVE OF MONEY is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows." I Timothy 6:10 Tread carefully and carry a big stick. Good luck
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