What things have you discovered that are most important in life?
Well depends at what age you ask me that question.
In my youth I wouldn't have thought about it so much. I think trying to do things to get my parents affection, make them happy.
In my mid-20's to about 40, it would have been making as much money as possible, having intimate relationships, getting the big house, family, cars, etc., etc.
And now: It's still trying to make my mother happy. That one didn't change. I've discovered if you're in a place where you can make your parents happy, that's always good. I realize not everyone shares good dynamics with parents and I sympathize with them.
I'm middle-aged now, so, I've only got wisdom enough to this point. I would say family is important, but not in my circumstances, it did not work out. If you have that one person to love all your life, that is special. I think helping and giving compassion to others is the number one important thing.
Of course we all know it's not a loving world out there; you just need to turn on the news to witness this, especially over the last 3/4 years.
Some people won't accept you for whatever reason. ** Right now, and from now on, giving help, showing compassion (love) to others is the most important thing for me.
Some people might say, why don't you do that with your own siblings then? (my back story in other questions I've posted) Well, it has reached a point where chances were given, tried, repeatedly; reasoning is out the window; good (big) gestures were disregarded and taken for granted. I had to move onto helping others that had respect for me, in anyway I could, and that starts with helping my mother with all her health issues.
Part of the reason I'm asking this question is because I respect the wisdom of elders, especially when it comes to what they have learned about life, their hardships and how they got through them; it can be an invaluable source of information learning about life from others. I'm still learning.
Thank you for sharing.
I'm not even in my 50s yet though, so I don't think I count as an elder ;)
That and peace's second cousin, boredom <3 I'm living the dream (or was till mom moved in but we all get a bit of our own)
Being Boring
'May you live in interesting times.' Chinese curse
If you ask me 'What's new?', I have nothing to say
Except that the garden is growing.
I had a slight cold but it's better today.
I'm content with the way things are going.
Yes, he is the same as he usually is,
Still eating and sleeping and snoring.
I get on with my work. He gets on with his.
I know this is all very boring.
There was drama enough in my turbulent past:
Tears and passion - I've used up a tankful.
No news is good news, and long may it last.
If nothing much happens, I'm thankful.
A happier cabbage you never did see,
My vegetable spirits are soaring.
If you're after excitement, steer well clear of me.
I want to go on being boring.
I don't go to parties. Well, what are they for,
If you don't need to find a new lover?
You drink and you listen and drink a bit more
And you take the next day to recover.
Someone to stay home with was all my desire
And, now that I've found a safe mooring,
I've just one ambition in life: I aspire
To go on and on being boring.
- Wendy Cope
Great to see a mix age group on this forum. I think there's a lot to be learn from both the younger generation and the elder generation. If someone is a decade or two older than me I always like to learn their life lessons. I think elder's can also learn things from younger people too, especially keeping up with how things are changing in the world.
Peace is great, I think we all need more of that in our lives, especially in the turbulent world we're living in. I think there's nothing wrong to be content with boredom, if that's what someone chooses they like. Ultimately, its a matter of being happy as much as possible (can I say be happy responsibly...lol ), we all know from reading the questions on this forum there's plenty of the other going around.
It sounds you have a nice life and are happy doing what you are doing.
I'll say this, It's great place to be when no one expects or wants anything from you.
Long may be you continue to enjoy your boredom, I really enjoyed reading you reply, thank you.
I would say these were definitely the principles I set out to live my life by.
Out of friends and family in my case, I would say my friends have been more like family; put another way, I expected my siblings to be like my friends.
Wishing you lot of happiness with your friends & family.
I'm very grateful for my inlaws help. I don't go anywhere for more than an hour, no overnight trips or impromptu eating out. We order food in. Everything has to be planned to include the inlaws since Im so obliged to them. When I look back at our carefree travel photos of our early married days, I feel such a pang.
Someday you will regain that freedom to move around freely again. Maybe plan how you will spend that freedom; it might be a nice way to pass the time, write down things you will do, places you want to see.
Keep going..
You have your hands full. We go through life thinking it going to easier at some stage, I know some have share a fulfilling life on the forum, but it's no the majority of people that end up a life they wanted. It's hard.
We go through the stages, getting the following: education, job, good house, a life partner, have children (not in that order for some) and then live happy ever That's the pattern people have fallen into anyway. What many people don't think about in those stages is caring for aging parents and if people have many siblings, how it's all going to be managed? by the time people get to that part of life, that's another set of problems for many. Every one wants there to be equal responsibility, but it rarely works out that way. Most of us thought want our independence and do stuff, after working most of our lives, unfortunately if people have many siblings and only one is caring for aging parents, a lot of their independence is taken up by unequal responsibility of caregiving.
I tried to fit into the "normal" pattern, I wanted it, without any big material possessions. I just would have settled with a life partner.
I know what you mean about family members, I too share a similar story in that respect, give openly & considerately through the years but when some happens they don't agree with, it's all forgotten.
I miss my dad still, after some 18 years since he passed now, both my parents care for me, and I've always been close to them both. There things unsaid things I wish I could say to my dad, but he had a great laugh and smile and I wish I could make him laugh again.
I understand what you mean about wanting peace, when it's full on from two different people in different ways, its tough! What do we mean peace? Time to feel less stressed, time to relax, and time to breathe. That's called rejuvenation.
Focus on some of the good things you already have a good husband and friendly dogs. Having a loving life partner to help you through this is good. If you have other siblings that you get on with, they should help you, look after your mom and your son and then maybe you can get a way for the odd weekend now and again, just for the break.
I hope you can get your son the right help and hope he listens more.
I took the long way around, but I agree with you on having peace, is definitely one of the most important things in life.
I hope you get more peace some day....
My answer would be HEALTH. Basically THAT. Without it you can do nothing. With it you can manage. You can change your ways, gain wisdom. But if you don't have health you are a hostage to the system.
Family? You can make your OWN family; to be frank it has little to do with "blood". Money? You can learn to earn, learn to save, learn to budget, and if you are of sound mind you can become pretty much anything you want in our country.
But health? That can be taken from you at any age, and if it is you will be helpless to have any control over any of the rest of it.
My opinion through my life, and I am 80. But I am a nurse, so you can imagine why it might be my focus.
this principle has guided me in everything i do, from childhood till now. it’s the reason i chose my career, it’s the reason for all i do, towards OTHERS and towards MYSELF.
there are 2 ways of doing bad things:
-through acts of commission (action)
-and through acts of omission (failure to act)
this applies also to oneself:
for example failing to act, to take care of oneself.
Our youngest dropped dead at 40, without warning.
The saying, live everyday as though it is your last, has a lot of wisdom in it. Because none of us knows what tomorrow has in store.