My mother is 92 and in her own home with wonderful, paid caregivers present all but 5 hours a day (to allow her a little independence at times when she is not usually up and about). She is in good health other than severe arthritis and has just started to show more signs of dementia. Most meds have side effects that make her miserable and create nightmares. Money has always been her biggest concern in life (Depression child), and she cannot stand to see the money she is spending on home care. She routinely cries and screams that her family does not care about her because we will not "look after her." I see her at least 5 days a week, do all her business, shop for her, etc. Unless I am sitting in a chair in her 80 degree home listening to her complain or watching her sleep, I "am not doing anything for her." I retired early and now work 24 hours a week, but she tells everyone I retired to look after her and now do not do it. I have two brothers, one of which helps, and the other who does nothing yet complains about how much money we are spending on care (his inheritance is disappearing he says). Mother is constantly in need of something that requires me to drop what I am doing to run an errand for her. She is always crying and complaining because having caregivers "is not the same as having family take care of her." It upsets her that my husband and I take advantage of the opportunity to visit the beach about once a month, and she does whatever she can to make me feel guilty about going and not being here for her. The caregivers and my family tell me not to tell her when I am going, but how do I explain the 5 to 7 days without visits? I love her, but I want to maintain my own life, my relationship with my husband and adult children, and continue working part time in a job that I love. How do I get past the guilt she imposes? I cannot believe this is the same woman that did not allow anyone to mess with her daily schedule and plans because she "had things to do."