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My husband diagnosed with neuroendocrine tumor primary in GI tract and mets to liver on liver biopsy 11/10/2014. Stage 4 high grade. He tried a three day course of cisplatin week of Thanksgiving and doesn't want to go through any additional rounds. He's in hospice with off-duty nursing at home. In the last week he has become combative, disoriented, and anxious most of the time. He keeps insisting he wants to go home and said our house isn't his home. He seems to be living in the past. When I walk into the room he becomes verbally abusive and if I go near him he becomes physically abusive stating I won't let him leave to go home. To put the "cherry on top" he is bipolar which the depression phase manifests in incredible anger. He's still on bipolar meds but obviously with declining liver function they aren't processing efficiently. Any suggestions or guidance?

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My father had very similar symptoms. We brought him to the ER because one day he started acting strange. He paced around in circles, was very anxious and talked about the clothes he had on not really being his. When I looked in his eyes I could see he was scared and confused and lost inside his head. It broke my heart to see him that way. They put him on anti psychotics and diagnosed him as having several different mental illnesses. My father spent seven months in psychiatric facilities. When he complained of abdominal pain loud enough that someone finally took him seriously, they did a CT scan and that's when they found the giant tumor growing in his kidney. The neurologist said it was the cancer that was causing his behavioral changes and called it "Delirium". It is especially prevalent in people with kidney and liver diseases/cancer because the body can't flush toxins the way it needs to. Look it up and ask your doctor about it. My dad took his own life two days after they found the cancer. I should have stayed with him or put him on suicide watch at the hospital. But I am not a doctor and never in a million years would I have thought my dad was capable of doing that. He was very ill. Please ask your doctor about this and keep a close eye on your husband. I wish you both the best.
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Captain, I like reading your comments, I stopped logging/following awhile ago, bugs family sometimes. Iii'll go look for that mom, maybe I can get at least 5 miles away from these issues :)

Hope you are doing well. Thanks for the laugh. Don't know if you read this but my mom tried eating a christmas ornament. I turned to get a juice, and when I looked at her this piece of green velvet was hanging out of he mouth. I pulled on it until the xmas bell popped out.. Just like KIDS....
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ilovemom,
your post jogged my memory . i was reading some one liner quips from comics online last night and one comic said that at the age of 69 yrs old her mother started walking 5 miles a day and now we have no idea where the h*ll shes at ..
sorry to be insincere on your thread georgia 15 . in spite of your devastating developments at home dont forget to find something to laugh at anywhere you can .
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My first exprenience was with my dad, Liver Cancer. He fought. he was 69 years old when he died. He was a health nut, didn't drink, ran 5 miles a day, etc. I told a new friend about dad. He was a nurse anesitist. However you spell it. Point blank, my dad was a goner.......What? He survived 13 months after being diagnosed. Didn't help I knew the prediction....Keep him comfortable, keep him happy, feed him treats, if he has meds to calm him, it won't hurt, I don't think. My dad thrashed out at my mom. He even said he forgot she was in the room. That was as much of an apology as he could muster.....Be flexible, hang on, it's a rough ride. Don't take what he says to heart, it's the cancer, the pain and frustration. It goes the with territory. Dont feel guilty about somene sitting in once in awhile, you need a break from this too.
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The usual advice for caregivers whose loved one is delusional is not to argue about the delusion, but to try to go along with it. Instead of saying "But this IS your home!" try "I wish I could take you home, too. I think that sometime soon you will be there, and I'm sorry I can't arrange it today. For now let's enjoy what is out the window here. Oh look at that crazy squirrel! Is that the same one who stole the bird seed yesterday?" That is, acknowledge what they want, agree that it would be good to have it, and change the subject.

I agree with captain that talking to the hospice nurse about this specific topic might be helpful to you. Also ask about meds for the increased anxiety he is experiencing.

My heart goes out to you. It is extremely sad and stressful and traumatic to be losing your husband. To have him argumentative or abusive has got to be almost beyond endurance. Do keep in mind that it is his disabilities -- his pain, his mental instability, his live failure -- that drive his irrational behavior. It isn't the "real" husband who is behaving this way, it is the disease. It isn't really a personal attack against you, so try very hard not to take it personally.

Also acknowledge that you are in mourning yourself, for very real losses. Grief makes us fragile emotionally. It is OK to have periods of weakness and bouts of crying. Later you will have condolence cards and flowers and casseroles from friends. Now you have to go through this more privately. If you have a close friend or relative to confide in, that can help. Also that is a good role for the hospice nurse or social worker. They do understand what you are going through.

You can do this.
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i think most people here are dealing with age related decline as opposed to specific organ failures . i think your straightest advice would come from your hospice nurse . they monitor vitals and have a good idea what to expect and the timeframe . you might have to pry info out of the nurse tho . in their line of work they probably dont enjoy hard conversations either but would prefer to talk about the weather , traffic , pets , etc ..
sorry to hear about this struggle for you and your husband .
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