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She is always talking to people and she takes off her diaper and wet the bed, she has severe constipation every week now. She gets angry at me because she don't want to take her medicine or eat sometimes, she remember all of her other children except for me. She doesn't want to stay with me but her other children don't want to be bothered at all. They keep her part of Friday and all day Saturday abd part of Sunday while I go to church and they rush me to pick her back up do that they can go on with there life. I know this is a lot but I just need some help and hope. I know God is watching all of this but what am I suppose to do. I don't slerp well because she gets up all times of the night looking for knives because she think someone is out to hurt her. I am really afraid in my own house, but I promised her in 200- when she had her first stroke I wouldn't put her in a home. Some one please help me.

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Hi Serenity,
Your mother is advancing in her dementia. The exact stage is only something that a doctor can determine but that isn't the issue here. The issue is that you have no help and can't keep this up.

Many people have made the promise that you've made only to find that they can't keep it. For your mother's sake as well as for your own, you need to get help. You've honored the spirit of the promise. It's time to move forward. Look for a good nursing home and then spend a lot of time with her there. They can do the hard physical work while you take care of her emotional needs and go back to being her daughter.

You may find it helpful to read this article: https://www.agingcare.com/articles/I-promised-my-parents-I-d-never-put-them-in-a-nursing-home-133904.htm

Please keep us posted on how you are doing.
Carol
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I too promised my dad that I would never put him in a nursing home and when I made that promise I meant it. However, I didn't know how bad things could get or how overwhelmed I would become as a result from caring for him. One day he fell while I was out of the house and he laid on the floor all day. When I got back and found him he was unhurt but very dehydrated and I called 911. Once he got into the hospital it was determined that he needed a nursing home and I didn't fight it.

We have the best of intentions when we begin caring for our parents in their old age but there are times when they need more help than we can provide. That your mom's paranoia (classic symptom of dementia) causes her to want to arm herself with a knife is a very dangerous situation. My suggestion would be to call 911 the next time she gets agitated and goes for the knives. Once she's in the hospital you can request a social worker and together you two can find a facility that's better suited to care for your mom. I fear that she's a danger to herself and others at this point and should be in a controlled environment where she doesn't have access to weapons.

I'm sorry you have to go through this.
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Even though our father wasn't bad off, my brother wouldn't provide me relief by spending time with him and when I asked if I could drop him off at his house to visit, I was told that he's not welcome anymore.
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Later stage. All bets are off when they go for the knives. Yes, we agree to care for them, but we realize when professional care has to take over. You fulfilled your promise, now get her to a safe place.
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A elderly friend of our family in my parents' old home town has developed paranoia. She has been carrying knives with her to protect herself from people that are trying to do her harm. She lives alone and does not have close family to help her. She has a gun from her deceased husband that she takes to Church in case someone tries to attack her. Needless to say, this is a dangerous situation for her and people around her. Get her evaluated immediately. She needs to be under observation and placed somewhere so she is not a danger to herself or to others. A friend from Church called Adult Protective Services, the Police, etc. and after a lot of drama did get her some help. Start calling around for help. This is too much for you to handle alone.
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Thank you all so much for the advise. I know at some point I will have to do that, those places are horrible I have worked in them in the past and I have witnessed first hand on the anise that goes on in there. My prayer has been that God does not leave her here to suffer any longer than she already have. We r at the hospital now for severe constipation. I know that God will see all of us through this and I beleive he will not let any harm come to non of the chosen caretakers that have taken on the responsibility to care for the aging sickly parents.
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