What should I say if mom misplaces something that isn’t even important and wants me to spend hours looking for it? Drives me nuts!

The diaper thing is called a Diaper Genie. It gets mixed reviews from me, since it can be VERY heavy and hard to empty, but hey, not my job. It does a quality job tying off the diapers (kind of twists them into a separate baggie).

They DO make one for adult size diapers, but mother lost her mind when I even broached the idea..her depends go into the OPEN TRASH CAN and go out on Saturdays, only. A tiny garbage can filled and overflowing with depends and poise pads. Imagine the smell. (Ok rant over).

My mom constantly sets things down and leaves them. When I was doing CG for her I spent most my time finding her lost stuff.

My own rule of thumb when I've 'lost' something is to start cleaning. And for mother, usually the item is under a pile of tissues and scraps of paper she's written notes on. Since she doesn't throw ANYTHING away, we always find the missing item. She hates that when she loses something, my first go to is to start cleaning, b/c that makes her feel like she's not cleaning well enough (and she's not, she's 90, nobody expects her to!)

Favorite hiding places for small items: under the edge of the bedskirt, in the car between the seats, on any of 5 'side table' under piles of tissues and papers, on the kitchen table which is packed to the brim with crap, and of course one of the four bags she has hanging on her walker--also packed with damp tissues and garbage. Nothing like hauling your hoard with you :)
I have NEVER not found the lost item, unless it was a puzzle piece and I won't waste my time on those.

Yes! It is really annoying! My MiL has misplaced a comb, a check, her rosary, and she gets highly upset saying, “I just had it!” The rosary was in the bottom of her purse that she said she checked 4 times “and it wasn’t there!” Once she called her daughter out of state because she couldn’t find the receipt for a magazine she ordered and wanted daughter to call about it. We verified the payment online, easy peasy. But the worst was when she lost a hearing aid. We looked in her clothes, all over the floor, in the trash can, and I thought we’d have to search the drain in the sink but it turned up in the sink drawer! Thank goodness, those are expensive. But I hear ya, sista, they can get so anxious looking for things, it’s exasperating!

Yes. I am assuming she is diagnosed with some dementia? Early memory loss? There is a loss of power and control. It can go into a sort of an obsessive compulsive thing, and it makes them VERY anxious. To fight it will make it all the MORE anxious. They can become in fact quite frantic. Examine yourself to see if any of this resides in you even while you are well. Do you get an unexpected bill and have your stomach just drop out, feel briefly frantic? For them it is that, but so much worse. Be as calming as you are able. Try to spend a few minutes looking with her, or say, Oh, hon, I am so sorry; I think I lost that. Nothing will work, but just try not to escalate it by denying her acting out on something driving her quite literally nutty.

I'm not trying to be funny - I'd get her a much smaller trash can, ideally one she can see into. It may not be aesthetically your choice but it might reassure her if she can see the contents. You can probably get snazzy clear acrylic ones or something like that (I haven't checked, I admit).

Does she actually produce much in the way of trash?

Is this a new expression of more general anxiety?

How old is your mom? Has she had an official diagnosis for cognitive decline? My MIL would call to say she "lost her purse/her purse was stolen" which would send us into a panic until we realized she was misplacing it. We would just tell her it was in the house and that it will show up. She had short-term memory problems. I also have a 97-yo aunt with bad dementia who asks same question over and over. It is exhausting to answer so I just give a 1 word answer but most times I walk away (because she forgets she even asked me). If you have medical PoA I would take her to get assessed if you haven't already done that (and checked for a UTI which can cause her to have symptoms that mimic dementia). If you don't have Durable Power of Attorney for her (or someone who is trustworthy, responsible and local) I would get that taken care of right away. If she has the beginnings of decline you may not have much of a window of opportunity to get it done. In the mean time, be patient with her...she probably can't help how she's acting, or realizes something is wrong and it is terrifying her. Good luck!