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1. My mom was living on her own. went to visit family in another state and fell.
2. I was the one basically caring for her while she was living in her own place.
3. I lost my job and home and had to go live a great distance away from her
4. a family member decided to take mom to live with them up north.
5. Now my mom tells me she is unhappy, hates it there.
6. My one sibling who cares for her says she is talking to people, peeing everywhere, getting into fights with her family, talking to dead people, cannot remember anything, etc.
7. My other sibling whom visits only for a few days with my mom has said just the opposite.
8. I tried to help my sibling who is caring for my mom by looking at some assisted living and calling VA for benefits to help with her care.
9. we all got a scathing letter from her to stay out of it or take over. We are all pissed as we think this sibling is just going to through mom into a nursing home.
10. I told her I was sorry she felt that way but I was just trying to help find funding sorces.
11. this sibling works 60 hours a week, has a husband who is a drunk and a daughter who is still living at home and is jobless.
12. My other siblings want me to look into other avenues like bringing her back to the state where she wants to be.
13 However, we think that the sibling that is currently caring for her is going to pop a cork.

this is just a very watered down version of what is going on. I need some advise as to what I should do with my sibling if we do find the funding and resources for my mom to live in assisted living. Right now we don't have enough to put her in assisted living so she is just living with sibling #1 for now and since I suggested in home care that is what they are doing. however my mom is bored. She used to go out all the time, bingo, bunko etc. Now she does nothing but sit in the house all day. I want my mom to be happy. Sibling #1 has said that mom may need to go into nursing home if these rages don't stop. I cannot believe my mom would ever act that way. But again I haven't seen her since October. I know my sibling is stressed, I lived with my mom for 10 years and then became her care giver after her cancer surgery, although she lived in her own place, and not with me. Any advise on how to handle this situation would be great.

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The question for me is why is your sister (with whom mom lives) holding on to her so tightly? Is there money involved and sister is afraid if she loses custody of mom, she loses money? Or is it a control issue? Or is sister really doing the best she can for mom and is stressed and feels like you other siblings just don't understand? The answer to those questions would help me figure out what I would do.

I agree with PStiegman that a visit to see for yourself would be in order. And stay long enough and spend enough time with mom that you can really see what is going on. Your mom is lucky that she has so many children wanting to step up and help her out.
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Yes, completely agree with PS, go and see for yourself; and meanwhile, no matter how shirty Sibling 1 gets: communicate, communicate, communicate.

If the girl's working a 60 hour week and all the rest of it, she must be near the end of her rope - and is probably developing some pretty huge grudges about feeling "left to cope with it all." You know it's not like that, I know it's not like that - but that's possibly how it feels to her. Somehow you want to convince her that you're on her side - really on her side, not criticising or judging, just looking for practical answers that will also lead to a happier mother. Don't for God's sake let it turn into a competition about who cares best or most. Best of luck with it.
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Pstigman, Thank you I guess I should have added that my other sibling sees my mom about once a month for about a week when she stays at sibling #2's house to give sibling #1 a break. When we asked him and his children about this they say that sibling #1 is wrong. We have gotten nothing from the doctors, or the case worker to say this behavior is going on. I call her once or twice a week, she seems clear as a bell when I talk to her. If I ask sibling #1 for the doctor number or information I am worried I will upset or anger sibling #1 but Sibling #2 and #3 are asking me to do something as our mother is telling us she is unhappy and they are mean to her. I cannot go there as I lost my job and my home which is the reason she was moved up there as I could no longer care for her as I had to find a place to live. I feel horrible that I didn't stress that she be put into an assisted living where I and sibling #3 live.
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You need to go there and see it for yourself. Do not accept second hand reports, nor pass judgment on those caring for her. It sounds like her condition has deteriorated a lot since October. It sounds like she needs to go to an Alzheimer's nursing home. If she had a serious fall she had a stroke or head injury and will not ever be the same.
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