Last July I suggested my husband bring my 100 year old mother-in-law to live closer to us because she was living across the country in her own home, with her husband living in a nursing home and members of our family were stealing all her money from her. Most of the family where she lived had passed away or couldn't help her anymore. He went and picked her up and I let him know that she could stay for a few months and he needed to find a nursing home or something for her. My husband and I still work full-time and we just bought a smaller townhome because our girls are both grown. Of course once she moved in, he hasn't even looked for anything to move her out. She is a very sweet lady, but even though we set up a bedroom for her, she has wanted to sleep on our couch everyday and snore and talk in her sleep. Everyday when I come home from work, that has been the situation until recently--her snoring on my couch and talking. It was like having another child in the home again. My husband ignored it, but it was like nails on a chalkboard. Then, a month ago, she has been digressing and I suggested he take her in for medical advice. They kept her in the hospital for a week, because her thyroid was off and to do testing. They ended up setting up hospice and my husband had the option of a nursing home or our house and he chose our house. We discussed it and I hesitantly agreed; I didn't want to insist on a nursing home and she die the next day. So, now the whole downstairs of my townhouse is a hospital room with bed, oxygen tanks, potty chairs, her clothes, books, dishes etc., I love her and I know she could die at anytime, she is 101, so, I feel guilty not wanting her in my living room and I've told my husband I just want to leave because I work all day and have to come home to a depressing hospital room with her snoring and talking with the whole downstairs dedicated to her. I have to sneak upstairs to have space. I just bought this home three months before she moved down here and this home isn't big or really set up to have her here. My husband's attitude is that she isn't going to live forever, and that is true, but it has already been six months and her needs are only becoming more. Am I selfish for wanting her in a nursing home where they could care for her needs since we work all day and can't? Our 18 year old daughter just graduated from HS last May, and she has become her part-time caregiver during the day and it is really stifling her moving on with her life and getting a job or going to college, because she doesn't want to disappoint her father and not stay home with her grandma everyday. She doesn't have a life with friends, a job, college, etc, because she is tending to her grandma during the day. She loves her and they have a precious relationship, but I feel like my husband is wanting to put our daughter's life on hold to take care of his mother. She is not a nurse, and even though now we have hospice because of her dementia, I don't feel this should be my daughter's full-time job. We work all day, and this is what I come home to everyday. I can't have people over, and I don't have a place of solace, it is depressing and I feel like I want to run away. I am almost 50 years old, I have been working on a doctorate degree that I have almost completed and my girls are finally both grown now. I have been responsible for taking care of someone for the last 26 years of my life, and I was just ready to have a nice house that was clean, that I could decorate the way I wanted, and now my lower half of my house is a hospital room. Help. I want to know that I am not selfish and regret insisting her to go to a nursing home. Every time I tell my husband my thoughts, he just gets angry and says, "fine, I will put her in one." And then I feel guilty in case she did die soon while in there. Thanks for any help.