my mother has reached this stage... I mean, she is very happy when she sees me and says "there you are!" but as far as "knowing" WHO I am, I know she doesn't. She doesnt know she was married or had children, but she still recognizes that I am a "familiar" friendly person. I do not say remember me? or anything, I just say my name.... because at her stage spoken language is very confusing... She and I had a close relationship after she got sick and we went everywhere together every day... I was able to talk to her about anything then. Yes, it is very hard to lose this.... But dont try to make it not happen, accept the progression with love... one step at a time and dont worry about the future- Each person is different - ((((HUG!)))
Angelx, when and if the time comes that your Mom doesn't remember you or remember your name, just play along. That is more of a win-win solution. That way your Mom won't get upset that she is doing something wrong, and you will know you did the right thing.
I was always happy when my Mom would say my name any time I went to visit her in long-term-care, she had last stage dementia. Then I realized she was calling her Aides by my name, too.
My Dad thought I was the nurse at the nursing home he thought he was living in. Some days I was his wife, most of the time I was just hired help he didn't recognize. he didn't know he was living with me. And..it didn't matter.
I didn't let it bother me. Just remember, it is brain damage talking. Smile, and keep doing whatever you were doing.
katiekate, my father was the same way in his last week. He thought I was hospital staff. I remember in the ER he looked at me and said, "I am stone deaf." I just had to smile. It didn't bother me that he had no idea who I was.
The strange thing is that he remembered my mother, as well as my brother and his family members. I guess I just looked more like a generic staff member. :')
Thank you very much to everyone who took the time to answer my question. It is very hard as my Mum forgot me again last night and was hinting at me finding another place to live as she thought we only met last night and didn't know who I was.
If you sit quietly with your mother, hold her hand, and chat to her about deeply familiar subjects does she reorientate?
If not, I'm afraid that all you can do is be the kind, loving stranger, and explain what you're doing there (just fixing supper, checking up on you, keeping you company, etc.). Then at least she'll be content to have you in the room, even if she doesn't recognise you as her daughter.
This really is heart-rending, I know. Hugs and hugs again.
Angel, is you mom on any meds to relieve anxiety and agitation? My mom, at times, did not know who I was, nor did she know who her husband was. Sometimes she would become quite agitated and want one or both of us to leave. I was caring for both of them in mom's home, she had lived there for fifty years. There were times she did not recognize her home either, and of course wanted to go home. Threatened to get in the car and drive away.
Check into meds with her doc that will help with these behaviors.
It's strange my Mom remembers my little brother who visits every 6 weeks for a half an hour, she even says that he is her favorite child (which makes my brother smile from ear to ear), but she doesn't remember me. We talk about the past quite a bit, especially about Grandma (whom I took care of, as well, after her stroke), she looks at me and asks how do I know. I smile and say I'm an old family friend. She has told me several times not to call her Mom, so I call her Maggie.
I have no way of knowing why she doesn't know me, perhaps, it's because she would not want to admit that her daughter is caring for her or she needs help. In reading several books on dementia I have found that calling her on a cell phone, while handing her the landline, as I step out of the room, she remembers me on the phone. I do that from time to time and it makes me happy. They seem to know your voice that way.
I have had this to happen several times, neighbors came to visit when my step-father passed. I had told them I was her daughter, I didn't know them prior. When I went to the kitchen to prepare refreshments, I came back into the room and they said, "I thought you said you were her daughter?" Mom had told them I was her friend. They looked at me as if they didn't believe me.
It's all a part of dementia, to Mom, I am a good friend and that's good enough for me.
Angelx, My mom is in stage 6 of Alzheimer's at 94 years old. Sometimes she remembers me (today she asked me if I was her daughter and even said my whole name, when I said yes!) Other days she knows my face but doesn't know who I am. For awhile she thought I was her sister. I played along because she was telling me that she didn't like her daughter (me)! Ha ha. She tries to "fake it" a lot, not asking straight out but kind of going around the subject. IF she likes her daughter (me) that day, then I'm her daughter. If not, we just don't mention the way we came to be together. She told me last month that she knew me from San Francisco (like a neighbor). I was born there and she lived there for 70 years. I believe she also thinks I work at the memory care facility where she lives, as she has "seen me" in the kitchen and other areas. It's very sad when someone who has known you and shared precious moments with you has no idea who you are. Just be sweet and go along with whatever thought she has for thee day. We feel your pain.
She and I had a close relationship after she got sick and we went everywhere together every day... I was able to talk to her about anything then. Yes, it is very hard to lose this.... But dont try to make it not happen, accept the progression with love... one step at a time and dont worry about the future-
Each person is different - ((((HUG!)))
I was always happy when my Mom would say my name any time I went to visit her in long-term-care, she had last stage dementia. Then I realized she was calling her Aides by my name, too.
My Dad thought I was the nurse at the nursing home he thought he was living in. Some days I was his wife, most of the time I was just hired help he didn't recognize. he didn't know he was living with me. And..it didn't matter.
I didn't let it bother me. Just remember, it is brain damage talking. Smile, and keep doing whatever you were doing.
The strange thing is that he remembered my mother, as well as my brother and his family members. I guess I just looked more like a generic staff member. :')
If you sit quietly with your mother, hold her hand, and chat to her about deeply familiar subjects does she reorientate?
If not, I'm afraid that all you can do is be the kind, loving stranger, and explain what you're doing there (just fixing supper, checking up on you, keeping you company, etc.). Then at least she'll be content to have you in the room, even if she doesn't recognise you as her daughter.
This really is heart-rending, I know. Hugs and hugs again.
Check into meds with her doc that will help with these behaviors.
I have no way of knowing why she doesn't know me, perhaps, it's because she would not want to admit that her daughter is caring for her or she needs help. In reading several books on dementia I have found that calling her on a cell phone, while handing her the landline, as I step out of the room, she remembers me on the phone. I do that from time to time and it makes me happy. They seem to know your voice that way.
I have had this to happen several times, neighbors came to visit when my step-father passed. I had told them I was her daughter, I didn't know them prior. When I went to the kitchen to prepare refreshments, I came back into the room and they said, "I thought you said you were her daughter?" Mom had told them I was her friend. They looked at me as if they didn't believe me.
It's all a part of dementia, to Mom, I am a good friend and that's good enough for me.