My grandmother with undiagnosed alcoholic dementia and a hoarding problem is trying to evict my father the house is in her name, and he is trying to fix up the house and make it livable. He also does all the cleaning and helps my disabled mother. He doesn't have a job but he mows lawns and does plumbing for our neighbors, he cannot pay rent and nobody makes him pay rent. He does pay for some stuff around the house. My grandmother called the cops earlier stating DV and they told us to get family therapy, later on my mother made an appointment. My grandmother has been lying to her doctors and writing down the answers to the dementia tests. I need help and guidance for both of these problems. We aren't sure if she actually filed a eviction notice. My parents aren't married. Please give us any ideas on what to do.
If your grandmother is driving drunk, you need to report this to her doctors that she is lying to and Adult Protective Services. She should not have access to a car, and someone should tell your relatives to stop giving her access to a car. Demented elders should not be driving, let alone drunk and demented elders. She will kill herself or someone else. That happens more often than you think.
If your dad is fixing up her house, he should stop that immediately. It is not his house and there is no guarantee he will inherit anything at all. Your grandma will need to be placed in a facility at some point and the house should be sold for her care. She will reach a point she cannot stay alone in the house. If no one has POA then this can become quite difficult to work with, as the law really does come down on the side of liberty instead of safety when it comes to elderly people and mentally ill people. If she is hoarding she has a mental illness. If she wants to live like that, you can't stop her and no one in any authority positions will do that for you either. If the house becomes a problem for the neighborhood then there might be action but that takes a long long time.
The best advice is what you've been given: it is time for your family to move. Start looking now for other housing. Dad will need to get a job. We don't know how old you are but you might need to get a job as well if you are old enough. Look into social services for your family, go to the county assistance office to find resources. Really, though, your dad should be the one who is looking for these resources for himself and your mom. Or your mom, depending on what her disability is. Good luck and please update us as to how this plays out.
Does Mom collect Social Security Disability or Social Supplmental Income (SSI ). Is she on Medicaid for health insurance. What can happen is Social Services helps them find housing. Medicaid helps with in home care and Dad can get a job. He needs to work so he can collect a decent check from Social Security when the time comes. After they leave the house, then call APS to evaluate grandma.
Your County should also have a Disability Dept for Mom.
Since it's your grandmother's house, she gets to decide who lives there and who doesn't. Rather than sitting around waiting to see whether there's a formal eviction notice, your parents should work on finding a new housing situation and getting their finances in order. Why would they want to stay in a house where they're not welcome, and go through all this friction about it?
Since your mom is disabled and your dad is unemployed, help them contact social services for whatever assistance and is available regarding housing, such as low-income senior housing or section 8, disability services that might be available for your mother so that your father can get a job, employment skill and training for him, etc. Do they have things like SNAP, Medicaid, etc.? You may need to go to a family shelter for a while but again, it's your grandmother's house so she has the power to decide.
Then after you all are moved out, you can contact Adult Protective Services and ask them to do an evaluation on your grandmother. If they decide she needs assistance, they can take over her care since she is uncooperative with you all.
I hope that you will be able to extract yourself from this negative environment and live your OWN life in a way that's productive and peaceful for you.
Hoarders do not like anyone cleaning up or fixing up their hoard. It is a mental disorder and requires therapy. But if she also has "wet brain", then this is an added dimension of problem.
If your Grandmother actually filed an eviction notice, she would have had to go to the courthouse and paid the fee (which can be about $300) and then is required to post the actual paper notice where your parents live (in the house, on the door to their room, etc) for a 30-day period.
Without a PoA your Grandmother will likely become a ward of a court-assigned 3rd party legal guardian. At that point your parents will need to move out of the house, anyway. They should start looking for another place to live before they are forced out in a crisis -- which is brewing.
How old is your Grandmother? Is it your Dad's Mom or your Mom's? Who is buying her the booze (or is she driving to get it herself, in which case the minute she leaves in her car someone should report her as a drunk driver to 911).
Your parents can call and talk to social services about options, but if your Grandmother isn't cooperative there's literally nothing short of guardianship that anyone can do.