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My mom had me down as POA shortly after her diagnosis. Two years later, her living boyfriend started making crazy accusations and turned my mom against me all while she was in advanced stages of Alzheimer’s. He married her. He took over POA. She is now in a nursing facility and he has put me and her grandchildren on the do not visit list. Do I have any rights?

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He can't take over a POA, if your mother has Alzheimer's she incompetent to sign any legal documents including making him her DPOA.

I would hire an attorney.
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If Mom had advanced Alz she can't marry, its a contract. He can't "take over" POA. She has to assign it. I think you need to consult with an elder lawyer to see what rights Mom has. She has to understand what be married is and what assigning a POA is.

I would wonder why this man would marry her. Any money she has goes for her care. If she has a will leaving her house and things to her children, he is out of luck. Even intestate the kids get something.
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Fawnby Oct 11, 2023
Depends on the state. For instance, in Florida there are dower rights. This is from an attorney’s website: “In Florida, a surviving spouse has spousal rights to a deceased spouse's property whether or not the decedent provided for such in their will. These rights include exempt property, a family allowance, an intestate share, a pretermitted spousal share, an elective share, and homestead property rights.”

So there could be substantial benefits to marriage for the mom’s husband.
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My husband had early stages dementia later diagnosed Alzheimers. In early stages, even late early stage, when they talk, most of the time, they can sound like nothing is wrong with them. When my husband was with others he talked just like he always did, and one wouldn't know he didn't take his usual shower, or didn't remember me as his wife. Our POA's were in order for years, so I was okay with them. I knew what I could do and what he wanted.
A few days after my husband died, I was at an attorney's office to get MY personal papers in order, to change the recipient of our assets, what I wanted done, when my son was to take over, etc. It seems here in this forum, people take for granted the flow of $$, papers, etc. is automatic. I never take chances, and I'm not the smartest person to understand all this legal "stuff". While it seems cold to get to a lawyer or associate just after a funeral, but remember, everyone: we are not promised tomorrow!!!
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swmckeown76 Oct 19, 2023
When my husband and I signed financial and health care POAs, he was in the early stages of frontotemporal degeneration, but going to adult day center three days a week. The only way our elderlaw/estate planning could get him to sign his forms was if he could be listed as my primary financial and health care POA. so we did that. She called me after that and said, "You really didn't mean that, did you?" I said, "Of course not". So we made another appointment on a day he had adult day care, and I signed new forms with different primary and secondary financial and health care POAs. He never knew and it never mattered.
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Contact the ombudsman and let them know what is going on. My sibling prevented my family from visiting my dying mom in a nursing home & I contacted alliance for better long term care and I got an appointment to see my mom within hours.
Best of luck to you!
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You can start by hiring and elder law attorney who will send him a letter demanding to see the actual PoA paperwork. If he doesn't do this, it can go before a judge and he'll have to show it then (if he actually has it). At that point you may be able to learn when she allegedly created a new PoA and whether or not she was competent when it happened. If he doesn't have PoA and you still have your paperwork, then tag, you're it.

If he does have PoA (legit, created when she was competent) then you will need to decide to either live with his bad advocacy for her or fight for guardianship. This will cost money. If the judge senses family infighting he/she may appoint a 3rd party non-family guardian.
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What a sad situation. Sounds like he's quite the scoundrel. I would pursue seeing when she got diagnosed with ALZ vs when she got married and changed paperwork. If the dates are out of order, it can be changed. It's a hassle to get an attorney, but that's probably what you'll need to do.

Best of luck.
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Ask your Elder Law Attorney if the marriage is legal.
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He couldn't take over POA. She'd have to assign it to him. If she wasn't competent, the POA might not be valid. If she wasn't competent, maybe she couldn't participate legally in a marriage contract. However, having dementia doesn't mean that she was incompetent. That was up to the lawyer who drew up the POA to determine, if there was one. You don't need a lawyer to draw up a POA. People get the forms off the internet and go to a UPS store to have them notarized. That doesn't mean the POA is done right according to the laws in her state, but it might be.

You say she was in advanced stages of Alzheimers when she married? Do you know that for sure?

I understand your concerns, but there are some unknown areas here that leave this situation up in the air.
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Was your mother competent when she made him her POA?

I would see an elder law attorney. Your rights may depend upon the state you are in. You may get to visit accompanied by the husband.
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Contact a lawyer that specializes in elder law. If you can get proof that she had cognitive decline before the boyfriend/husband showed up, then you can legally use your POA to make decisions for your mom.
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