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MIL lives alone. She fell and broke her leg. The ER says she needs surgery but they discharged her. She has Alzheimer's and is prone to falls. Someone has to make an appointment for her to see an orthopedic specialist tomorrow. If they don't do surgery she will still need help and I'm not qualified, no one in the family is. She can't navigate crutches.

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Maggie Marshall if you're nearby, and can get me a bottle of wine, vodka, rum etc I could probably use it. Lol

Thanks CM, it is true that being a stay at home mom is a job. Some don't realize or appreciate that. Sometimes it feels like the ils take a bit of advantage, like oh MB can do this that or the other, she's home all day anyway. Like I sit around doing nothing just waiting for something to do. I worry that this will be the approach if she gets sent home, that I don't work outside the home so therefore I'm available to wait on MIL hand and foot and I don't get a say in the matter in their minds. That if I put my foot down I'm a hateful heartless person or something.
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I have to say i was shocked when I found out that they weren't going to admit her. Even if she did live with family, friends, roommates or whoever, that still makes no sense to me whatsoever. If it was me or my husband, kids, etc, they'd probably give us some crutches and we'd be fine, but even when she has both legs she's still a bit unsteady at times. She wasn't with me when it happened. She was actually walking to another family member's home after a friend dropped her off at the wrong place. (She knows where he lives so we did not expect that at all). The other family member took her to the ER and took her home with him. She goes tomorrow to the appointment with a surgeon and my husband will be taking off to take her to surgery if they decide she needs it. I'm honestly not trying to be heartless or cruel and uncaring at all. While there are issues between us, that just part of the whole worry.

While I'm in good shape, I'm not strong enough to lift her if she needed lifting. I do care about her and because of that I want her to have the best care that she can get. I just don't think I'm the best person for the job. If it was me I would want a trained professional looking after me because I would be scared of my husband or child getting hurt or me falling and can't get up.
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My moms ordeal was 18 yrs ago and after the surgery is when her dementia symptoms increased. Things may be different now.
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My mom broke her wrist. She was casted in hosp and we were told that it would be best to have mom stay in rehab for 3 to 4 weeks while it healed. We went with the suggestion. After 4 weeks we were told sorry it didn't work she needs surgery. Needless to say we found another doctor then took mom home the day after surgery (long story for another time). What I am suggesting is if MIL still in hospital you need to talk to the social worker asap letting them know that mom doesn't have the necessary help to be home alone. My moms stay was all covered by medicare. If MIL is already home from hospital I am not sure how you can get her placed but I have heard it is harder once they leave the hospital. Good luck
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What kind of ER didn't admit an elderly patient with a broken leg?
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Ohhhhh. Give me a break! Yes, you are so right. Mea culpa again.
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Well, I don't know what gmab means, but I doubt it's flattering. Unless it means get me a bottle, which I can understand.

Thank you for restoring my faith in family. I apologize for jumping to a less than flattering conclusion. My bad. Actually, I admire your insight in what will and won't work for you. I understand completely.

In an emergency pinch, a nursing home for even a day would give you breathing room. A more permanent option might be (for a few weeks) to have day help thru a service come in. If she's unable to get on her feet, that's a real issue and sorely limits options.

But maybe you COULD manage for a day or so until you could arrange day help -- even if it meant your husband took a vacation day or two.

If your MIL was still in the ER, I would advise you to talk to a social worker there about your dilemma. Perhaps you should call the social services dept very first thing in the morning and ask them for their help. I'm betting they have some ideas that can really help your family.

Again, my apologies for thinking the worst.
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Sorry, MB, I cross-posted - and what you say is fair enough.

But this is HILARIOUS - "everyone in the family works except for me." No, everyone in the family gets to leave the house to work except for you - not the same thing at all! Two small children, you work.

Okay, whose mother is it anyway? You can't cope with MIL on your own, agreed. So her children are going to have to take some Family Leave, aren't they. She's their mother…

By the way, that is why you should put your foot down - that you have a job and MIL is not it. Your other worries, not to be dismissive, are what any sane person feels when faced with The Elder Care Challenge. But you'd be surprised how fast you learn.
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Who accompanied your MIL to the ER? More to the point, if your MIL has Alzheimer's Disease with whom did the ER discuss her discharge and aftercare? That person would appear to have volunteered him or herself for the time being.

The thing is, when you ask what resources are available, what kind of resources did you have in mind? If you're looking for short-term placement I'd have thought your hospital would have been the place to start asking - they'll be familiar with local facilities. Try them. And next time don't agree to the discharge - the woman has a broken leg requiring surgery, for heaven's sake. If that won't get you admitted, what will?

One point of order. There are qualified professionals on the forum, and their experience and advice is very valuable. But I would guess that the sizeable majority of caregivers here have no qualifications and are not turning cartwheels either at the thought of providing hands on care for their elders, some of whom are far from ideal parents. Or ideal human beings, come to that. The care needs doing, so we do it. Asking why you can't is not an unreasonable question, always granted that you in no way have to justify yourself.
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How is it heartless to say that I'm not qualified and that I'm worried? Everybody in the family works except for me which means that most of the responsibility will fall on me. I've already been looking after her for the past two years! I don't just sit on my behind all day watching daytime tv and eating bon bons. I take care of two small children which is a full time job in itself, I keep house, I run all the errands, I make sure she has her meds, she has something to eat, that she gets to the doctor among other things. Now I may have to take on even more and I don't think I am qualified to do it. If she is unable to get around at all she will need help bathing and toileting, even dressing. Things that I cannot do. I am not strong enough to lift her. If she falls while in my care it will be my fault. I don't want her to get hurt from me trying to help her. No, I'm not heartless. I'm tired and stressed. GMAB!!!-
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My advice is meant to jar you loose. Your OP sounds heartless. My advice IS useful. If she can't be alone until surgery, someone is going to have to take her in. If not family, a nursing home.
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I'm aware that she won't get rehab unless she gets surgery. The appointment will be made tomorrow. If you can't be helpful don't bother answering. Maybe there are issues between us, maybe I don't feel that I can provide the care she needs, maybe I know my limits and am sticking to them. I don't have to explain why the family can't take her in. We do want to make sure she gets the quality care she needs. Again, don't bother answering if you don't have any USEFUL advice.
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No rehab until after surgery. If she can't be left alone, someone us going to gave to take her in. It is very difficult to believe MIL has caught your family flat-footed re caring for her short term in an emergency. And as for someone having to make an appointment for her? Perhaps you could ask a stranger.
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