Follow
Share

Does it have to be tangible, or are witness statements enough? My father had heart stints put in 5 yrs. ago, but it took the doctors almost a year to realize they never ran a stress test. Because of the frustration and confusion during diagnosis he went on anti depressents/anti anxiety meds. When he recovered fully, stepmom did not want to "rock the boat" and refused to change anything. This led to him becoming very lethargic, and her frustration grew as a caregiver. Last few years, some family members suspected abuse. 3 months ago he had a stroke and we found he had not received his blood pressure meds, The daily monitoring of blood pressure only 2 times that week. The last reading, still in monitor was 250ish/over? We have seen this before and were instructed to call ambulance asap. This eve though she said "I thought it was the flu" and went to bed. Next morn finds him collapsed from a stroke. After 2 mths in ICU, and 1 mth at nurseing home she has signed papers to stop any life support, due to her belief he will not recover and will need 24/7 care. She said she would get doctor opinion, but did not. Nuero doc told us,nobody has a crysral ball and time will tell. So now 5 days no feeding tube, nurseing hm administer morphine if they walk by and looks like he is in pain. The worst part is last 2 days, he seems to be progressing like we had hoped. Called doctor, no reply. He is 85 but it feels like with her POA she will and can overide me, and my sister

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Belowry....I just love your response. I agree it is better that our loved one has quality of life than to sit around WAITING for death. Hospice is a great thing that we have available to us. My Partner is SO ready, but now we are waiting on the rest of his team...The doctors...
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

I wish to thank all who responded to my post's. they made it possible for me to know the right questions to ask, the right people to ask, allowing me to do everything I felt needed to be done for my dad. After meeting with social services, the RN who seemed very knowledgeable with my dads condition, and getting definition of comfort care, helped me to understand why his wife was making the decision to pull the feeding tube. He passed awayJuly 2nd, with his wife, granddaughter, and myself by his side. Hope and pray he is at peace.
With that being said, if I were to have been making the decisions, we would have given him the opportunity to try to recover, go threw rehabilitation, and been gratefull for the additional time with him. as I told social services, even if he was limited in his ability to be independent, it would be no different than the last five years spent sitting in his easychair. I have learned how important it is to take care of end of life decisions, and am working on .this for my children's sake. Again, thank all of you for being there for me during such a difficult time. God Bless You
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Bottom line if you suspect any type of abuse you can call APS adult pertective services. To investigate and they will build a case.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Bdeartum..My gosh, I felt like I was reading my own post. My partner's kids NEVER visit. PERIOD. They would if I would leave. But, they would take over his estate - put him in a nursing home and he would die. The son already told me he would put him in a nursing home. He was being snotty to me when he said it. I had to stand between him and his dad one night as the son was going to hit his dad. I told them I would call the police if he even came close to him. His father, my partner told them to get out. Since then they have tried all they could to get rid of me. What is wrong with people? Where is the love. Where did it go? It makes me so sad.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

Moondance, perhaps I overreacted but I thought that was a slap to the rest of us who aren't healthcare professionals but have been taking care of someone. There are posters here who are very knowledgeable and offer excellent insight, insight which can only be gained by the day to day care of someone.

And there are healthcare professionals who offer different perspectives. These two groups complement each other and provide a range of suggestions.

I recall your recent post in which you wrote that you weren't going to respond because of "plagiarism", but when asked to explain, you provided no answer:

"I was going to remove myself from this forum due to too much Plagiarism.
If I am aware of it , others are too."

https://www.agingcare.com/questions/thoughts-on-euthanasia-in-the-medical-field-183334.htm?cpage=2

I'm a bit concerned about these "out of the blue" slams with no explanation. If you don't respect caregivers, that's your choice, but it really isn't necessary to announce that our answers aren't read. Perhaps there are people who don't read your posts as well, but don't come right out and state it.

From what I've read of your posts, you certainly have experience to share, but to me it's lessened a bit when (a) an unexplained comment is made and/or (b) you infer that only healthcare professionals are those whose posts you read.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Please get Adult Protective Service involved.
May I add the Medical & Durable POA is required, not just a POA.

I read your question, not the answers, unless it is from another Healthcare Professional, who I connect with.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

I agree with give a hug. What is needed for that level of care for someone is skilled nursing or a skilled nursing eye. Caring for someone with an extreme and chronic illness is very difficult, and if your step-mom is an older lady herself even moreso. As you pointed out his care in facility is lacking and that's with multiple attendants dividing the tasks. If stepmom is going it alone, that in itself is the main problem. I can't imagine that she would refuse hands-on support for his daily care, unless you are implying she's trying to kill him. Caregiving is a team sport, look for ways to lighten her load with hands on, daily help. if you are not close enough to do it yourself, figure a way to help pay for additional in home care support. maybe he has insurance to cover that? or maybe you and other concerned family members can take on some part time employment to help cover that kind of cost, cause skilled nursing in home care is very expensive, certainly at hospice level intensity.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I have a few questions. How old is your stepmother? Was she receiving any assistance in caring for your father? How much do you and your sister see or speak with your faither?

Being a wife, stepmother and full-time caregiver to my husband with advanced parkinsons and dementia, I can read between the lines of your post pretty well. My own stepchildren call their dad on his birthday, christmas and fathers day. They may visit once or twice a year. They live 45 minutes away, but if he is hospitalized they only care about what I did or didn't do, not his true wellbeing or even accept the fact that time and disease are taking their toll.

Not saying you are doing this, but it is common to project your own fear, anxiety and guilt onto someone else.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Belowry, I didn't read all the answers to your other question (https://www.agingcare.com/questions/pull-tempory-life-support-measures-based-on-prediction-183832.htm), but this seems like a complicated issue between you and your stepmother.

As I recall, someone pointed out in that thread that someone named in a POA doesn't have authority to make life and death decisions. It has to be the proxy in the Living Will (a/k/a Advanced Directive).

So, first, I would question your stepmother's authority to d/c life support.

However, I also would like to know what the treating physician at the nursing home states, if it is his/her opinion that your father is terminally ill and if he should be in hospice.

Someone needs to stand up to the stepmother though as well as confer with the nursing home as to whether or not they intend to follow her directives to d/c life support.

As to whether or not it constitutes abuse, I think it would depend on the medical assessment of your father's condition and whether your stepmother is engaging in abuse by ignoring a prediction of recovery or if she's acting on advice and estimation of a poor prognosis for recovery.

Perhaps you need to contact an ombudsperson for nursing homes and pose these questions to him/her. In addition, have you spoke about this situation with the nursing home administrative staff?

It seems there are some ambiguities as to your father's true condition and his chances for recovery.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.