Follow
Share

I figure 60 per cent. I'm aging in place in my own home after some consideration of assisted living in VA facility with Spouse. Finances are not great but not too bad; I take in three boarders, completely unforeseen by me prior to 2009. Spouse's health declines, especially the incontinence, and the inevitability of it all depresses.


My Mom passed in 2015, my sibs live far away, my Youngest child is the closest and visits app. 1x monthly. :) On a more intimate note, I looked forward to be a. reading more and b. watching more TV than in the years where I did hardly any of either and now I get to. That's sunnier news! I did not foresee using the computer as much as I do, for both work and pleasure, and I did not foresee loving arting and crafting.


Our ages and Spouse's VA connection supplies so much, such as ramps, grab bars, a new refrigerator replacing a 17 year old one, new microwave, weatherproofing, walkers, a scooter for him plus hitch placed onto the car for greater mobility, and a caregiver to give 9 hours weekly relief. I am grateful for these things and general good health for age 67.

Find Care & Housing
0%.

My husband retired a year ago, and we were going to travel. Then, Covid happened. We've pretty much done nothing since the beginning of last July.

We were going to move out of California, but we did know we'd wait until my parents passed before doing that, since I'm the one in charge of their finances. My dad died in 2018, and my mom, who we thought would go long before Dad, is still with us. I've only just now started being able to see her in person again in the past couple of weeks, but she doesn't really know me anymore. She did before Covid and the lockdown.

Once I took over everything for my folks I realized that neither of them had to do any substantial caregiving for their parents. My mother's mom died six months after being diagnosed with lung cancer when Mom was 36. We lived 250 miles away and my parents had two small children, so she couldn't help to any real extent. My grandfather remarried a much younger woman who did all the caregiving until he died in 1983. My dad's father was never in the picture, and my grandmother died 24 hours after being diagnosed with cancer. She'd had a few health issues, but she plugged along independently before cancer.

My parents had a wonderful 30 years of retirement and were able to do anything they wanted. My mom's health issues brought their traveling to an end for the most part by the time they were about 88, but they were both completely knocked for a loop when she first got sick, because their parents weren't really sick for a very long and they weren't there with them.

What I hope for retirement after Mom passes is to be able to find some enjoyment in it and forget the years of caregiving at least to some extent. It's a little like childbirth -- you have to forget it before you're ready for the next baby. I don't want to spend the rest of my life dreading the end of my life.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to MJ1929
Report
pronker Apr 17, 2021
Thanks for the swift reply. I'm sorry to hear of the disrupted, precious plans for travel. Let's hope the covid situation turned the corner and we can all forge ahead to the life we wanted. /spend the rest of my life dreading the end of my life/ Hear, hear!
(0)
Report
It is awesome that you have a plan! So many people don't. My one encouragement to you is to consider that being in a care community will more easily provide social engagement and enrichment. Loneliness is the #1 problem for seniors, to the extent that both the UK and Japan have a formal Ministry of Loneliness. When we become less mobile (both physically and in terms of transportation) our worlds getting smaller and dimmer. Having exposure to people will really be important. My own MIL is 85 in a LTC facility with mild dementia and memory loss. She banters back and forth all the time with the staff, who love her because she's sweet and nice most of the time. I believe having to meet new staff is a form of exercise for her mind, whatever that is worth. Blessings to you!
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Geaton777
Report
pronker Apr 17, 2021
Thanks and the best to you and your MIL, who benefits from your insight regarding her exercising her mind via social interaction. /getting smaller and dimmer/ yeah, pretty much describes aging, when we focus inwards more. My plan includes ways to face outwards more and I hope that happens. I've noticed it taking lots more effort to do this and remain positive. Blessings to you as well.
(1)
Report
What I see here is someone who seems to roll with the punches. Looking at your glass as half full. Instead of saying "I "only" get 9 hrs a week" you look look at 9 hrs as a relief and appreciate all you receive. You also seem to know how to take advantage of resources to make life better. Seems you are independent and resourceful. You have a problem, you find a way to fix it. Your children are very lucky to have you as a Mother.

The only downside, is don't be too independent. Be aware when you need help. That when that house gets too much, time to downsize. Downsize could mean an apartment, an Assisted Living. Your children will be more likely to help if you make things easy for them.
You will compromise . But, I don't think you will ever have problems because you have a great attitude.

Wish my friend had been this way. She never took advantage of resources out there. She expected friends to act a certain way. And because of her passive-aggressive tendencies she alienated her boys. Her last 6 months of life would have been so much better if she hadn't been so negative.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
pronker Apr 17, 2021
Thanks so much for the support. I'm currently at a hiatus regarding the house, which does many times seem past my strength to mow the lawn, clean, etc. The 9 hrs. weekly aid helps so very much. It's a cautionary tale about your friend, to be sure.
(0)
Report
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter