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Since she needs 24-hour care it seems like she would qualify for nursing home care. Most people aren't excited about making this move, however once they do move and are settled, if the nursing home is a quality one many adjust well over time and even enjoy themselves.

You might want to seek the advice of a social worker at the facility that you're considering.
Take care of yourself, too. This is hard on everyone.
Carol
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Can you give more details about the situation, such as the degree of her dementia, has the doctor diagnosed her with dementia, does she have a Durable POA or does she have a guardian, what is her medical condition, does she live alone, can she afford private pay for care, etc.?
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She has been diagnosed as early stages of dementia but has has gotten significantly worse since then. We see her doctor this week. We do have a medical POA. She has lived with us since age 66, which we have loved. She along with our help can afford assisted living. She wants no part of in home care. This wonderful loving women is not the same person. She's lost a great deal of weight, won't let us minister her MEDS and won't communicate with his. She sees us as the enemy and blames us for things that didn't even happen. She is on an antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication. Hope this helps.
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What kind of doctor is she seeing? I might write up a description of her behavior and symptoms and give it to the doctor in advance, so he understands what you are dealing with. Some patients seem to do quite well on the day they see the doctor, but if he has the heads up, he can know how to better access her. This might help him in determining what kind of care she needs, such as with bathing, dressing, meals, medication, etc. Describe all the things she needs help with.

It sounds like she is resisting care with her refusal to take meds. That is not uncommon with dementia. Does she wander? Would she likely walk away from the facility? The doctor can state if she's at risk of wandering and perhaps prescribe it.

Do you have an idea of where you would like to have her placed? If so, I might meet with the director to see if they offer what she will need and costs. I would caution you about helping her pay.

I might check with legal counsel in your state to see if you have any obligation to pay for her care. If not, you might just use her income and see what services she might qualify for. Some states have financial assistance for long term care for people with disabilities like dementia. You certainly can pay for her care, but I would get an opinion from an Elder Law attorney about the repercussions and if it's advisable. I would try to avoid using your money and then it disqualifying her for some services.

If the doctor tells her that she needs to go to a place where she can get help, maybe, she'll listen. If not....it's uphill. You can talk to the attorney about legal proceedings if it gets to that point. There are ways to be appointed Guardian, but I would try to do it other ways first.

My cousin's doctor told her that she needed Assisted Living and although she didn't like it, we finally convinced her to go to get REHAB, which is what we called it. It was actually an Assisted Living facility. We explained that she needed physical therapy, nutrition assistance, medication management and help with her memory. She agreed to go to work on those things, but of course, she soon forgot why she was there or that she had a home.

Also, I later had to place her in a Secure Memory Care unit. If her needs are indeed too great for Assisted Living a Memory Care facility or nursing home may be required.

I hope things work out for you. I know it's so stressful.
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Thank all of you for such helpful responses. I am grateful for this resource and all of you who participate.
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