My friend of 40 years is 86 years old and has dementia. He has no money for Assisted Living. He's living on Social Security and a small investment fund of $14,000. He is living alone with no heat or air. He can still dress and bathe, but his short term memory is shot. He's very depressed and says he wants to die. I do his bills and take him to doctor appointments. His two grown kids do nothing. He's also a hoarder, so home care would be a problem unless he got his house cleaned up. He's on a list for a senior Hud apartment, but it will take at least a year to get in. Any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
You would do him a great favor to report him as a senior at risk to APS rather than stepping in yourself in a situation that will become increasingly more taxing and difficult. This may enter him into a system that can care for him, and protect him from possible homelessness or death.
I agree with those who suggest that his children likely made healthy boundaries for themselves. That he is on the HUD apartment list may mean he already has some support system out there in social services? If he is a VET you may be able to suggest other avenues. This is a very sad situation. Certainly your heart and soul are in the right place, but as this situation escalates you will become increasingly frustrated and helpless. I am so sorry.
I agree with Gladimhere that APS should be alerted and get him on their radar. They will most likely move to get guardianship of him so they can legally help him and place him somewhere. This will also take time. Bless you for helping him.