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My partner of many years as well as myself both lost our spouses. We chose not to marry. His kids absolutely hate me. He realized soon that his kids would not care for him but would place him into care. Their hatred for me was so obvious that several events happened where they mistreated me in front of him. He asked me if I would take on the Trust and totally take over caring for him including his finances. I did not realize the amount of work I was taking on. I have been able to organize everything and have actually made him money by seeing the charges that he incurred using his credit card to buy things that people were talking him into. His kids have not been to see him now for 4 years. They never call and have made it very clear, it is me or them. I realize that what I am doing is best for him. I am an honest person and could not live with myself if I mis-used this trust. When my partner passes, I am to be allowed to live in his home as long as I wish and to sell it on my timeline. I am going to inherit two very small savings accounts. I will be responsible for making sure the kids get their portion of the house. My portion is greater to pay me for my care given him. Can anyone think of something I might have trouble with when the time comes? I have the medical Power, banking and money decisions, I am the trustee should he pass. What obligation do I have to his kids? I have yet to send them a copy of the trust as I don't want to start problems before necessary. I asked my partner about sending them the trust and he agrees that it would only make things harder for me now.

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I just cannot thank you all enough for your help. All of your responses are what anyone should think about, But, I made a list of your responses and will start on them as soon as I have time. Again, don't you think people should realize that we do not choose this lifestyle? I could be traveling, holding my newest grandchild. so much is passed as I do the Right thing,,,I promised him I would and a promise is a promise. Being a caregiver means you are always tired and never get an ALL NIGHT sleep NEVER..It means when I go to the store, I have to call home every 15 minutes to check him and then get the groceries and go home. I have to give him the house phone and his cell in case he needs help. IT is NOT easy. And, I surely cannot afford a HOME somewhere and he would die shortly after going to one of them. It will not happen.
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Thank you for all of your answers. I am the trustee of my partner's estate and we do have a back up if I decide not to take care of all the legal things.That is his niece. I have a Durable Power of Attorney for Health Care and I am on the title of the home. He put me on the home immediately. Even so, I have an obligation to give TWO of the children their percentages. The third child has been dis-inherited in his Trust. I will get a letter from the Attorney as to his state of mind. I agree that would certainly help. He is very much aware of what he is doing, but that could change. His funeral arrangements are already paid for. So, that will not be an issue when the times comes. I pray I have done everything right, as I have given so many years to his care. The small amount that I will get is not worth the grief if that is what I am going to face down the road as a result of caring for their father. This is their job, not mine and I only do it because we love each other. I guess marriage was not important to either of us. I have the Power of Attorney and I think I have covered everything. GARDEN ARTIST Believe me, I have documented every penny spent. If I write a check it gets recorded. We have had a joint account for years, so I doubt that will be an issue. I think I am fairly well protected and will be secure I HOPE in my desire to care for him. I know he would have done the same for me. We had a Para-Legal do the Trust and the Will. I hope that will hold up if need be. The kids are very well to do so they are not waiting for money. They are only going to get the % of the house. Everything else is already either in my name or I am the Beneficiary of some accounts. I never thought I would have to worry about doing the right thing. At first I could care less I just wanted to take care of him. BUT TO BE HONEST Now, I have given years and time and have given up seeing my own children to care for him. I am not being hateful or rude in saying I deserve something for doing this. Wouldn't you think? But, legal will win out in the end. I just don't look forward to the battle they will give me, no matter how right I am. It will cost me to prove to them what their dad wanted. And, they will not care about taking any of my money. PAMSTEGMA I agree giving them the documents now will just let it fester Don't need that.
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NO do not share any documents with them. Also do not count on inheriting anything, because if he needs to go into a nursing home, all that will be gone, including the house. Take this one day at a time.
Also check into common law marriage rules for Oregon. You may have more rights than you think.
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You say that you choose not to marry, but that would be the easiest thing. I think that you have no obligation to his kids. That is their problem. And yes, it is a lot of work to set up everything. May I suggest that he pre-pay his funeral and make the arrangements. That is when the fireworks, may begin.
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I assume that you are the POA as well. I would not send them the Trust ahead of time. I would talk to a good lawyer about this. Make sure in writing that you are to live in the house and you will own it. Get everything in writing. Talk to a lawyer. Cover yourself as much as possible.
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As Trustee, you would have an obligation to anyone named as heir in the Trust, including his children. That obligation would be to ensure that they get their shares, copy of the annual accounting if specified in the Trust, and any other duties specifically spelled out in the Trust.

I think you're wise to be concerned, given the nature of the relationship between your SO and the children. If I were you, I'd document everything you do, especially financial issues, to cover yourself in the event undue influence charges are raised after his death.

There is another alternative, if provided for in the Trust. If your SO named a successor trustee in the event you were unable or unwilling to serve, you could ask that trustee to assume the responsibilities. That would take you out of the firing line.
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Oh, another thought. You might consider buying out the children's interest in the house. Seeing that your agreement is that you sell the house "on your timeline", might mean that you never do and that would affect their share of the inheritance. If you buy their shares you would own it free and clear instead of it being in everyone's names.
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Just be sure his Will explicitly states that he is estranged from his children and the reasoning behind his legacy to you, that way they will have less leverage to contest it later. You might want to get a doctor to certify that he is of sound mind as well.
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I would see an attorney that specializes in elder care and make sure that as an unmarried person, you and your partner have all the i's dotted and t's crossed. You can expect the will to be contested regardless of how long it's been since the kids have seen their dad. Is your partner still of sound mind? It will be said that you coerced him into making these changes. You might videotape him saying outloud that this is what he wants done and leave one copy with the attorney and another at the house. In fact, if possible I would have the attorney be the person who takes care of the videotaping.

I don't think that YOU have an obligation to his children, but maybe he does. If he is coherent, he has the right to leave his estate to anyone he pleases, but they may not see it that way. Assuming of course that there is an estate to leave. Depending on his illness, and your abilities to care for him, he may need to be place in skilled care at some point. That will eat up money fast.

I believe you have what is called a life estate in the home. Be sure that is in writing and properly executed.
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