My 92 year old father-in-law was diagnosed with a UTI a couple of weeks ago. He finished the 10 day antibiotics regimen several days ago. He has been completely dependent for all of his daily needs. When we approached him about getting in home health care, he was insistent that he would be back to normal in a couple of weeks, and he would do whatever his doctor told him. Yesterday was his follow up appointment, his UTI has not gone away. He attempted to showtime with his doctor, but became flustered and made nonsensical arguments. What little progress was made, was lost after the doctor appointment. He came back home and went to bed. An hour later he woke up confused, angry, and afraid he had been abandoned. After calming him down he seemed “better.” He fell asleep on the couch. His wife felt comfortable with us going to dinner and leaving the two of them alone for a couple of hours. When we returned from dinner he was sitting alone on the couch because his wife went to bed shortly after we left and wasn’t taking his calls. He told this story unemotionally. Then said “I want to show you something” and proceeded to get up off the couch and grab his walker. When we attempted to assist him stand he got angry and told us to sit down and watch. He then began literally running around the wall that separates the kitchen and living room gaining speed each corner. He would yell and get angry at us every time we attempted to stand to help him or tell him he proved his point. It was the strangest thing I have ever seen. After running around the living room he proceeded to verbally abuse us. He is convinced he does not need in home health care and that he is going to be better in two weeks. He has physically and mentally exhausted everyone. Do we leave and have him and his wife to figure it out for themselves that they need professional help?
I don't see why Home Care is so BAD? I've had a Home Care RN come twice a week since May 2025. She is monitoring the cellulitis in my right ankle.
She comes in, redresses my weeping wound, takes my vitals, takes pics of the progress, and even brings my garbage cans up the steep driveway for me! A few times she stopped to get my meds for me on the way here. She also orders all the bandaging supplies delivered here, so I don't have to pay for them! She stays maybe 20 minutes on her visits. Living alone, she is nice company. She even calls my Doctors with her concerns.
IMO, stubborn Seniors refusing Home Care are just being totally stupid. Why he won't ever "accept" a Home Care RN coming by is just ridiculous. It saves him money, driving, time and you actually have a pleasant visitor in and out quickly.
If the UTI has not gone away, then it still needs to be treated. What did the doctor recommend as the course of treatment when this follow up appt revealed FIL still has UTI?
If his behavior becomes dangerous, you can call 911 and report that he is acting out of sorts, and he is a danger to himself and/or any other residents in the home.
Tell them about the UTI. Have him taken to a hospital for evaluation and treatment and don't let him be discharged back to his home. He can be transferred to a rehab skilled nursing setting until his condition heals. Tell the Doctor that it is unsafe for him to be discharged to his home.
He is resistant to home health care because he is in denial. He wants to be better soon, and have his life return to normal. He is understandably scared of being ill, dependent on others for his daily needs, running around the living room and yelling like a mad man. I don't know if in-home health care can really help him, he is too volatile. They will NOT deal with that!
Explain to his doctor that he and his wife are not safe with him at home, and maybe the doctor can make a recommendation.
Who is "we"? Do the other "we" people want to be enlisted in orbiting around them? I'd make sure of this before offering help because you cannot imagine how much work it can become.
I'd have a discrete discussion with his wife (if she's competent and realistic) to see how much outside help she wants, at least until the UTI is gone. Mostly the wife may need help getting him to take more antibiotics if he seems resistant.
Does she think they should move to AL? Or just him? Is your family wanting to be their "solution" ...?
Oftentimes we do have to wait for a crisis to occur before these elders can finally get the help they need. Your FIL will wind up in AL or a nursing home if he's not careful though, when his power of choice is removed by making bad decisions. It happens all the time.
I'm not a doctor, but I know a lot about UTI and the elderly after 6.5 years of taking care of my mom. They don't get fevers, usually, they don't always feel pain or burning. This was a shock to me, as I have had a UTI and there was no way to not know I had a problem. But for an elderly person, the whole thing is different. I was told their immune systems don't mount the same type of response, so there may not be a fever, burning or pain.
Every time I asked my mom about it and tested her temp, she was fine. But she would ask weird questions, get testy about things, and ask where my dad was. He had been dead for 20 years and she knew that 2 days ago. She had bursts of energy and then she would become nonresponsive, which we would end up calling an ambulance for because we were scared it was a stroke.
None of her doctors told me about this and when we went to the ER time and again they'd say she has no fever and no pain, and I would have to tell them the only signs she has one is that her urine becomes strong smelling and she gets behavior changes and delirium.
So now I'm like an evangelist for this, because if I didn't learn about it, my mom would have become septic and died a lot earlier than she would have otherwise. I also still think it made her baseline decline for a long time when it she could have kept a higher level of function for a longer time. I'm not in the medical field so I had no idea about all of this. I think her doctors should have warned me but we live and learn as we go on.
He will never accept in home caregiving, I went through that with my Mom. The only way his wife and the rest of family will be able to get him any type of help is for him to move senior care... for that to happen is when he has an emergency that requires 911 and a hospital stay. Then the hospital will insist on rehab, etc. and finally to senior housing.