My mother tries my patience on a good day but I usually manage to stay calm....failing that I go to my car or garage and scream
Today is a scream day. Firstly she doesnt want me to go out this afternoon for something I have had planned for 6 months. I will be out 90 minutes and providing she goes to the toilet before I go and they lays on the bed no harm can come to her.
So 10 minutes after me reminding her we were having lunch at lunchtime she decided to soil herself royally, followed by the words you cant go out if I am like this all day. Now if she hadnt added those words they would have come to me all on my own but BECAUSE she added them I started to wonder.
Then she said she felt sick and didnt want any lunch - but when I came in very quietly (OK yes I was spying) there she is stuffing her face with biscuits and cake which I leave by her side. She has been awake just over 4 hours and I have been in to speak to her chat wash clean her soiling clean the room 14 times which I think is pushing your luck really.
So what has she just done? Asked for coffee so I made her a latte just as she likes it and she now wants sugar in it - has NEVER taken sugar in anything. Then there was too much coffee in the cup - its dispensed mum it is always that amount.....well its too much Ive always thought so
I could see her fidgeting so I said lets get you across to the commode mum. I dont need to go there ...well I think you do... wasnt gonna happen. I came back in 5 minutes later and despite her reluctance I got her up and here we go again she wet and soiled herself in front of me. You wont be able to go out this afternoon you'll have to ring and cancel.
As I count 1 to 10 and find it needs to be 100000000000 I count to now.
Hmmmm OK lets try my theory. I went out of the room and 'made' a phone call. I know she could hear what I was saying because I was stood right by the door and I spoke louder than usual. When I finished my call, I waited a while then went back in. And what did she say. I feel much better now you could have gone after all
I havent told her yet but I havent cancelled I spoke to the phone not to anyone the other end so at 5pm I AM GOING OUT SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM
Whats your screaming point?
I want a rolling frame for Mum that is narrow so she can get it through the door without scraping the bloody paint every flaming time. Oh you heard me she says - like that noise is something I could miss.....they don't make one according to my OT - I will be checking that - I don't believe them ever.
Those oxygen condensers make more noise than my condensing tumble drier the lady in the hospital bed next to mum had one - it would drive me crazy
However you can get quiet ones I have no idea what you use but try this site:
soundoxygen/is-your-oxygen-concentrator-too-loud-or-too-heavy/
Air beds are noisy, too; and it's the constant type of racket that gives you a low-grade permanent headache. Ear plugs, Susan???
On really, really bad days, it's headphones.
soundoxygen/is-your-oxygen-concentrator-too-loud-or-too-heavy/
Sometimes reading helps me distance myself from the noise, but I also keep a pair of the small ear plugs given to patients pre-MRI scan. Now I bring my big ear protectors that I use when I mow the lawn.
No no you need Tone I will get him for you and she then put her/himon hold and walked away. I said to her who the hell's Tone? She grinned broadly and said that's what she is hearing now one long beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep Oddly enough we watched the phone ...it went dead after about 5 seconds which is a long time to hear that tone!
This of course is only a minor scream . To date we have had one sale fall through and 3 purchases fall through. I finally find exactly what she wants and she says I won't be able to see the kids go to school.
I have to change doctor, I won't know where anything is, I want the biggest room why can't you have the smallest one (Because you wanted two rooms Mum and I will only have one?????? and that will be the dining/lounge/kitchen so its not suitable for you. Oh and the final reason? I am not going into respite when we move I can help.
OK ITS NOT A SMALL SCREAM - you should be able to hear it across the bloody pond.
PS we are still moving
Deep breaths. Hope it goes ahead this time - nod, smile and meanwhile be a tyrant for the interim and have no shame. This is a military operation, she can have her war crimes trial once you're settled in.
My screaming point now is with the NH. It seems every week I find out something new that they're *not* doing - that I thought they were. They changed her Zoloft dosage (lower), which is great and seems to have improved her a bit (not sleeping 24/7 now), but no one told me it was changed or why - and when we first got her into the NH, they were calling me with every little detail, which I encouraged and told them I appreciated. Now I have to ASK for a report on what's going on with her. And I had kind of a shock the other day when I found out they don't even bother to check pulse, heart rate or lung sounds in someone that's in long-term care (in other words, on Medicaid) - they do it daily with someone who's on Medicare - but once they start Medicaid, that stops. Why??
We're having a care conference in a week or so - I'm going to bring these things up. Mom has congestive heart failure. They are monitoring her weight to watch for flluid increase, but a mild case of pneumonia or something like that could be detected by listening to her lungs, and her blood pressure and heart rate should be checked every day, the way I see it. She also has AFib and a pacemaker - if she goes into AFib, she shows no signs of it - I watched her go from 70 to 125 heart rate in the hospital and sit there like nothing was wrong. The nurse was flabbergasted that she wasn't even lightheaded or short of breath.
And yes Susan these last few months have been a different roller coaster every darned day. Some day dreadful some not so good and some ok ish. What I do know is the stress increased by this move is seriously affecting her but the move is essential for me to manage her physically and the effect of not being able to manage her is a move to a care home which she doesn't want. not good either way
The said what are you going to do if she dies on the morning that the contracts are exchanged (exchange occurs at midday here in UK). I said I am going out and not coming back until half past 12
Then my son said he thinks that Mum has one final straw up her sleeve for me to move us both into the new home unpack and organise everything and then she will die because she can see I am settled.
Oh deep joy - I don't fancy either option but they aren't the only ones worrying about this
Besides, nah, she's not going to die for ages yet. God forbid anyway of course, but plus why would she waste this brilliant opportunity to complain every day about how much she misses the old place..???
And I think it's not Medicare vs Medicaid, it's "skilled" vs "long term custodial care". My mom is private pay in a nh, in long term care and they dropped that monitoring when Medicare stopped and private pay (much higher rate) kicked in. So it's not the money, it's the care level.