Equinox, I am in the same boat like you. My mum of 86 with cancer and post head trauma has demonstrated very strange behaviour, ie she wood be acting as if she is normal, certain time of the day; of late as early as 10am and around 8pm she would experience extreme mood change; looks tired/exhausted even with minimum stimulation (except for her dinner and bath (4-6pm). She would be calling me awful names including shouting @ me; demanding that I , the devil leave her alone. She also demonstrate compulsive traits ie she would wash her body all parts over and over again . Should any reminder be brought up she would scream and yell and shouting 'abuse' by me and my sister. She has added 'fears and dislike she has an ileostomy which she never accepts ever since she has it because of bowel cancer and she sustained a fll hence, not fit for further surgery for 'closure'. She is like your mum; remember old things/events to every detail but she would never remember the 'horrible things she refers me as: bith, devil etc. I have been caring for her 24/7 for past 4.5 months and I am really exhausted by her behaviour. Because she has a life limiting condition, i pray Lord that she is not to suffer too much discomfort. I pray for miracle that she be granted a month or 2 of good life (not to have these awful mood change and the terrible pains asso. with terminal cancer. Deep in our heart ((my sister and I0 love her but we feel really sad for her. Since encouting this website, I feel more comforted to accept my anguish towards mum especailly when she persistently acuse me for being a trouble maker and making her life a misery- yet she was the person 5 months ago rang me ( overseas -earlyhour in the morning and begged me to come home to care for her. P/S mum had always used me as scapgoat to vnt her angers etc as she did not have a very happy marriage. Oud dad left us for dead when I was eight and mum was left to bring up 4 kids 13-5 by herself and no one in her family supported her!!! So she had to work from 8-3am (x 2 jobs) and my sister (eldest) had to give up schooling to help out. Hence, the relationship between them (mum and sis had not been very good) I was the 'ball' which they use to bounce their anguish between themselves. I have been doing this past 50 years and I am tired of this role BUT None of them appreciate how frastruated it's been for me. The only thing that get me going is -praying , lots of pray. Yes, the role of caring for someone with dementia is a huge challenge, and the medical personnel often just ignore this issue completely when attending to these group of patient. Hence, the patients and carer suffer so much . Keep praying. Juliek
Equinox, I am in the same boat like you. My mum of 86 with cancer and post head trauma has demonstrated very strange behaviour, ie she wood be acting as if she is normal, certain time of the day; of late as early as 10am and around 8pm she would experience extreme mood change; looks tired/exhausted even with minimum stimulation (except for her dinner and bath (4-6pm). She would be calling me awful names including shouting @ me; demanding that I , the devil leave her alone. She also demonstrate compulsive traits ie she would wash her body all parts over and over again . Should any reminder be brought up she would scream and yell and shouting 'abuse' by me and my sister. She has added 'fears and dislike she has an ileostomy which she never accepts ever since she has it because of bowel cancer and she sustained a fll hence, not fit for further surgery for 'closure'. She is like your mum; remember old things/events to every detail but she would never remember the 'horrible things she refers me as: bith, devil etc. I have been caring for her 24/7 for past 4.5 months and I am really exhausted by her behaviour. Because she has a life limiting condition, i pray Lord that she is not to suffer too much discomfort. I pray for miracle that she be granted a month or 2 of good life (not to have these awful mood change and the terrible pains asso. with terminal cancer. Deep in our heart ((my sister and I0 love her but we feel really sad for her. Since encouting this website, I feel more comforted to accept my anguish towards mum especailly when she persistently acuse me for being a trouble maker and making her life a misery- yet she was the person 5 months ago rang me ( overseas -earlyhour in the morning and begged me to come home to care for her. P/S mum had always used me as scapgoat to vnt her angers etc as she did not have a very happy marriage. Oud dad left us for dead when I was eight and mum was left to bring up 4 kids 13-5 by herself and no one in her family supported her!!! So she had to work from 8-3am (x 2 jobs) and my sister (eldest) had to give up schooling to help out. Hence, the relationship between them (mum and sis had not been very good) I was the 'ball' which they use to bounce their anguish between themselves. I have been doing this past 50 years and I am tired of this role BUT None of them appreciate how frastruated it's been for me. The only thing that get me going is -praying , lots of pray. Yes, the role of caring for someone with dementia is a huge challenge, and the medical personnel often just ignore this issue completely when attending to these group of patient. Hence, the patients and carer suffer so much . Keep praying. Juliek
The strange thing about dementia is that there are fluctuations. Confusion is often more visible when they are tired or out of their regular routine. If you look up a "mini mental exam", it's easy to ask most of the questions in a conversational way so it doesn't seem like a test. Questions like what is the season, what is the day, what is the date (day month year), who is the president, where are you now... It gives a rough idea where someone is cognitively. Dementia can be vascular, Alzheimer's... Confusion and forgetfulness can be related also to depression or urinary tract infections. The fact that she's having delusions is significant.
Hi Jeannegibbs, Thanks for your input. As you know it takes a lot of patience in dealing with this situation. The more educated we are about it, the better we will be able to handle it. When there are other problems going on, I think we just get tired and frustrated in trying to cope. Some days are easier then others. Thanks again.
My mom is considered with dementia. not sure how the dr came to that conclusion. My mom can be negative towards me, then again she has been most of my life, mom has made mean comments now and has been that way for most of my life. I considered her illiterate, possibly due to her eyesight, that prob was ignored. Except for the delusions and the confusion of events. How do I know if it's the desease or herself? I am amazed that there are something's that I wish she would forget and those are what she remembers and those things I wish she would remember( like her dentures in her mouth and glasses in a place where they will not break or get lost.) she forgets. Mom remembers birthdays , anniversaries, feast days. She will remember dr appointment several days before the appointment and then forget the day of. Then she will be determined that it's not the day of appointment but remembers it to be for another day. Does his happened to anybody or share some thoughts about this.? Thanks Equinox
People with dementia are not like young children, in that children can and will learn new behaviors. It is our job to teach them and coach them. With dementia, people lose their ability to learn. They are not being stubborn. They are being handicapped. Sometimes new habits can be instilled by long and consistent repetition. So if you are with your father every time he is in the bathroom and remind him to wipe the seat, eventually he may remember to do it himself. (Or maybe not.) If he was used to doing it before the dementia began it will be easier to re-establish that behavior. If what you expect is a new behavior, that is going to be a much bigger challenge. Something that the person with dementia has been doing a very long time, and especially something he enjoys, will stick with him for a long time. It does not surprise me that your father can keep his beloved cars clean. Eventually he may lose that, too. Let him enjoy it while he can! You take pride in it too! My mother can't remember to take her pills. She can't remember who visited her yesterday. But she can remember how to play cribbage well enough to beat me all to heck. Memory is selective.
Unlike children, people with dementia are going to lose what they know how to do, not gain more skills through teaching and correction. If there are some behaviors that are important to you, you might try working on establishing habits. But I'd limit that to one or two things at a time. A person who is losing his abilities and skills is probably frightened and sad about it. Repeatedly being told what he is doing wrong adds to the disturbing feelings without really accomplishing anything.
This would be a good time to start reading up on dementia, so you know what to expect.
Since my father is showing signs of dementia I have a question. Do we treat seniors like young children? If a child spits food out and isn't behaving well we tell them this behavior is not acceptable. What I see is some of his habits are the same but others are not. I find myself constantly wiping up and cleaning the counter top, floors where things are dropped or spilled. Also the toilet is not being flushed with the seat needing to be cleaned all the time. I've bought cleaning wipes and told him NICELY to use them when necessary. Here's the catch. He is a car buff having two classic cars. He keeps them gleaming inside and out. So is he only doing what he likes knowing I'll do the cleaning and picking up after him? He recently told me I'm always telling him what he does wrong. Maybe I should just do stuff and not say a word????
Abuse?! Good grief. Let's not lump this with belittling someone or hitting them. Come on, really, if everything remotely unpleasant is going to be labeled "abuse" that word will soon lose its meaning. Maybe we are already there.
Spitting food out at the table isn't nice. Whether pointing that out is going to be meaningful to a dementia patient depends on a lot of factors. So it may or may not be effective, but it certainly isn't abuse.
With a person wuith dementia, there may be another reason why he is spitting out food, as the communication skills are limited and there is no way to tell you why. It could be simply that he is not hungry, does not like what he is being fed, or perhaps something physical that has not been determined.Be creative, look for patterns when the behavior occurs and have others do so as well...not sure if what you did is verbal abuse, however, it may not be effective to combat the issue......
all in the tone of voice. spoken normally, softly. it's not. speak it sharply, loudly, or both and you have crossed the line.
the chance that your patient understood you though, is small. someone who is spitting food across the table at other people is not going to understand why you have a problem with it.
the most i would ask them is to "please stop", or i would just say, "no". smaller shorter commands that they will likely remember.
It doesn't seem abusive to me if said with a normal voice. I don't know if it would register with your resident, though. You may want to feed him outside the spitting range of the other residents if he continues. At this stage it would probably be best to go for maintenance and not for correcting his behavior. It is the disease, most likely, and not your resident himself, so kind communication is a good way to go.
That is not abuse, you are simply telling him that what he is doing is not nice, and it isn't. Sometimes they just need to be reminded that certain behaiviors wont be rewarded. If he was hungry he'd eat it, not spit it out. Maybe he is not really hungry? Good luck. :)
I'd say, ask them to stop. if they don't just pick up the food and walk away. That way they get the point and it doesn't disturb or upset anyone else. I feel for ya you should be commended for the line of work you have chosen.
Thanks for your input. As you know it takes a lot of patience in dealing with
this situation. The more educated we are about it, the better we will be able to handle it. When there are other problems going on, I think we just get
tired and frustrated in trying to cope. Some days are easier then others. Thanks again.
Equinox
Unlike children, people with dementia are going to lose what they know how to do, not gain more skills through teaching and correction. If there are some behaviors that are important to you, you might try working on establishing habits. But I'd limit that to one or two things at a time. A person who is losing his abilities and skills is probably frightened and sad about it. Repeatedly being told what he is doing wrong adds to the disturbing feelings without really accomplishing anything.
This would be a good time to start reading up on dementia, so you know what to expect.
Spitting food out at the table isn't nice. Whether pointing that out is going to be meaningful to a dementia patient depends on a lot of factors. So it may or may not be effective, but it certainly isn't abuse.
the chance that your patient understood you though, is small. someone who is spitting food across the table at other people is not going to understand why you have a problem with it.
the most i would ask them is to "please stop", or i would just say, "no". smaller shorter commands that they will likely remember.