Just curious if anyone here gets told “Oh, you’ll miss that when they’re gone.” after venting about caring for aging parents. Things like, midnight trips to the ED after you worked a 16 hour shift, sugar scattered on the countertop, clothes left in the washer, ALL the doctor appointments to bring them to. I don’t believe I’ll necessarily miss ‘those things’. I think maybe people say it out of guilt because they wouldn’t or couldn’t be there for their aging loved ones perhaps?
People don't want to hear about your caregiving woes. I worked PT so Moms appts were not bad. I made them when it was convenient for me. Some Drs after an initial diagnosis and a couple of follow ups showed no change or she was stable in her labs I asked to come once a year. There are times once stable ur PCP can take over. Most of Moms appts were local.
No, you won't miss those ER visits (hated them) or toileting (hated) or bathing(3rd least). Or that worrying about them falling. Or all the other things that go with a person who is more like a child than the person you knew. Its been over two years since Mom passed. No, I didn't grieve because it was a blessing at 89. She had been on that journey for most of that decade. Its just, I was not a caregiver. And I guess God new it because I found an AL where the staff loved her and a LTC facility where she was cared better for than the AL. Growing up it was easy to make me feel guilty. At 70 not happening anymore. I may regret a little but I don't feel guilty. My brothers said "whatever u feel is best". And left things up to me.
I am trying to remember the good times. Mom and I were close. My friends help with that when they remember things when they hung around the my house in school. So no, don't remember that shell of a person, remember them before that horrible illness or Dementia took over.
You are entitled to your feelings. It’s exhausting being a caregiver. You are absolutely correct. You will not miss those things.
Don’t let anyone steal your joy. If anyone deserves joy in their off time, it is a hard working nurse!
Remove toxic people from your life if you can. People try to upset others by saying silly things or even mean things. Maybe one day they will realize what they are saying and apologize. Let’s hope so.
Some people are unreasonable and will never listen to reason, people like that I wouldn’t even respond to anything they say. They don’t deserve an answer. Don’t give their comments any credence. Just ignore them.
They aren’t worth your time and energy. You don’t need them to determine your self worth. Don’t ever let them cast doubt in your mind. Don’t dignify their comments with a response. You know that you are doing all that you can and doing a great job at that!
Clearly they haven’t been a hands on caregiver like you. They most likely don’t have a clue! Tell them they can come take over for a week and then ask them if they will miss all of the hard work. Bet they would change their tune then, huh?
Take care, stay safe and thank you so very much for the enormous sacrifices that you make for the rest of us! We appreciate it 💗. Thanks so much for you hard work. Nurses are our best friends!
It rubs me the wrong way, too, to hear people say:
"You'll miss them when they're gone..."
"She gave birth to you and took care of you..."
"When you were a child, they cared for you..."
"I wish I could see my mom/dad again..."
"I wish I could take care of them one more day..."
"I miss my mom so much, you're so lucky your mom is still with you..."
Most if not all of those people no longer have to care for their parents (or never have to care for their parents,) they are no longer in the trenches, no longer pulling their hair out, no longer feeling the stress of caregiving, no longer feeling burned out. So, now they have the luxury of lecturing the rest of us who are barely recognizing our former selves, and telling us how lucky we are. Grrrrr....
Makes me want to slap them upside their heads (figuratively.) If by saying "I wish I could be with my mom/dad one more day", they'd get their wish not only for one day but for years, and they'd be back to changing diapers again, they'd shut up.
People that have never dealt with it don't really understand and sometimes they say the darndest things.