When dad died, mom had her 3 children, spouses, and grands come in and take what they wanted. I tried to tell her not to rush into this. Unfortunately some got all, and some got nothing, and with hard feelings. Now I am POA and I need to do some work on the house and once I start I don't want to move back some of the pieces of furniture etc. There are a lot of dishes, knick knacks and a few pieces of furniture. I need direction so things stay civil, and no one is hurt or has hard feelings and things are done fairly. Suggestions?

Everything that was taken prior where just my dad's. Fishing gear, firearms, etc. She did save back his two wedding rings. So I personally gave them to the 2 brothers that got nothing of dad's. I like the ideas. One thing I thought about was just putting it up for sale to the family members only. Then the money would go into her estate to be divided per the will.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to motherofdreams

We are facing this as well, and I’m not sure how we’ll do it. However, I have some friends with a lot a siblings, and in their families they did it like this: they had a disinterested 3rd party come in and assign values to each item. Then each sibling/child/grandchild (whoever you want to have a choice here) was given an equal amount of “money “ (like monopoly $) then each person decided how to spend their money - a couple big ticket items, or a lot of small stuff) Personally at this point that sounds exhausting to have to facilitate that - but they had friends who came in and did it, and it felt “fair” to all of them.
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Reply to ERAsDaughter

I have to agree with the method previously described.

When my grandmother passed away she gave her wedding and engagement rings to a granddaughter-in-law. Rightly so, in my opinion since this was the person who spent - by far - the most time visiting with grandma in her later years.

The three granddaughters we bequeathed the remaining jewelry without any specific instructions. The uncle who was the executor decided we would draw numbers - 1st, 2nd, 3rd. I think we drew by oldest first but can’t recall for sure. But the draw seemed fair rather than going straight away by age as none of us three were particularly close to GM.

Anyhoo - it went 1, 2, 3, - 1,2,3,... until everything was selected.

I do agree as well that any gifted items should be returned to the gift giver. That worked for our family also. Well - except for the big flat screen that brother and I went halves on for a Christmas gift to my mom. Brother had that boxed up and out to his car without a word about it to me. I let it pass - just didn’t seem worth the aggravation to argue about it.

Seems these types of activities - wills, money and inheritances - bring
out the worst in people more often than not. Try to not let it get reduced to petty squabbling and take the high road whenever possible.

In the end - really - it’s all just stuff.
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Reply to Rainmom

Maybe give the ones who were slighted before first choice this time.
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Reply to 97yroldmom

My mom had six siblings. First, each child took everything they had purchased as a gift for their parents or the house. They took all photos in which they or their children appeared. If there were photos with multiple siblings in the photo they put aside. They had copies made for anyone who wanted the photo. They let each sibling from oldest to youngest to pick one item they wanted. Then they picked youngest to oldest. They kept doing this until everything was gone. There were a few items that my grandmother and grandfather gave away before they died.
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Reply to UsedupDIL

I think sounds like the stuff that was desirable was grabbed already?

think about childhood....was there certain objects that were important to different kids? Offer those to just those people.

Any family grandmas dishes, etc? Offer those to the oldest daughter first. Ditto...offer Dads ring and pocket watch to oldest son first.

failing that. Have each one come at a time...and take ONE thing. Do that over and over till gone,
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Katiekate

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