With dementia you can "discuss" all you want but will she retain what you are saying? Will she understand the Whys? The easiest thing to do is to tour a few after you have narrowed down your search. Once you have made your selection you could ask to bring your wife for a tour and a lunch. She will get the feel of the place and feel safe since you are with her. this is also a good time for them to assess her needs. Once you have a date and bring her before you have to leave bring her to lunch or other activity and quietly leave. She will be upset, and "lost" But staff will be there to help her. Do expect that she will decline sometimes dramatically and she may or may not recover some of that. She will ask to "go home" Reassure her that she is safe and that she is home. You are both going to have a difficult time adjusting.
I did not ask my Mom who was in the last stages of the disease. I just told her she was going to a new apt and would make new friends. I was lucky, she adjusted well.
My SILs Mom and Dad went into AL together. She had no health problems. She was able to come and go knowing he was safe and looked after. She enjoyed the activities and the outings. She had her own car. Is this something you could do. My Moms AL had couples living together. Those who lost spouses remained.
This would depend on your wife's capacity to hear and understand. If there is no ability to understand then your discussion would be beside the point and worthless. You should, if the dementia is well advanced, simply make the placement. As you visit you will be met with her asking to go home and you will respond that this is her new home where she will be safe and everyone will take care of her. You cannot reason with dementia.
If your wife's dementia is well advanced to the extent you cannot speak with her about the need for these plans, then ALF is likely not the place for her; she will likely require memory care of NH care. I am so sorry you have reached this need, but relieved that you will find safe placement for your wife, and I wish you the very best.
The easiest thing to do is to tour a few after you have narrowed down your search. Once you have made your selection you could ask to bring your wife for a tour and a lunch. She will get the feel of the place and feel safe since you are with her.
this is also a good time for them to assess her needs.
Once you have a date and bring her before you have to leave bring her to lunch or other activity and quietly leave.
She will be upset, and "lost" But staff will be there to help her.
Do expect that she will decline sometimes dramatically and she may or may not recover some of that.
She will ask to "go home"
Reassure her that she is safe and that she is home.
You are both going to have a difficult time adjusting.
My SILs Mom and Dad went into AL together. She had no health problems. She was able to come and go knowing he was safe and looked after. She enjoyed the activities and the outings. She had her own car. Is this something you could do. My Moms AL had couples living together. Those who lost spouses remained.
You cannot reason with dementia.
If your wife's dementia is well advanced to the extent you cannot speak with her about the need for these plans, then ALF is likely not the place for her; she will likely require memory care of NH care.
I am so sorry you have reached this need, but relieved that you will find safe placement for your wife, and I wish you the very best.