Follow
Share

Mom has been in AL facility for 1 year. She is hearing impaired and cannot stand or toilet herself w/o assistance. We communicate with her through her GrandPad by email due to her poor hearing. I know it is discouraged to become attached to certain caregivers but it is human nature to bond with some more than others in this setting. Mom is not experiencing mental decline in any form so this is especially difficult to absorb. The entire family loves this woman who may be leaving. She has been very accommodating to all of us.

Find Care & Housing
I notice that you say, "May be leaving". Is this a certainty? If this person has let you know this may be happening, has she told you the reason(s)?

I'm aware that many individuals change companies because there are often sign-on bonuses involved. If this is the case, I doubt she'll change her mind.

There may be a number of reason she "may be leaving". Scheduling conflicts,
increasing or decreasing the number of hours she works, personality conflicts that have developed, problems at home, health reasons, etc.

Perhaps she is waiting to see if the administration is willing to work with her to resolve whatever is/are the issues.

As for letting all of you know that she "may be leaving" - it may be because she feels it would be more devastating for your mom if she were suddenly be gone without saying anything & that is a possibility.

If she doesn't tell you "the why or whys"

It's possible she may have ulterior agenda.

Perhaps she needs a letter of praise for her personnel file. However, from what you tell me, I can't imagine she would hesitate to ask for one. If you do write one for her, make sure you list all the various ways she has gone above & beyond compared to other people in the same position do. But it's important not to mention anything that could possibly get her in trouble because it's against policy. You will need to check with her (& show her this letter) before sending it IF THIS is something she needs &/or you decide to do.

If you suspect there's something "off" about her telling you she "may be leaving", perhaps you might want to do a background check on her.

It all boils down to a judgment call on your part.

There were "regulars" who took care of my mother when she was in AL who let her know they were leaving because they knew she would be upset if they were just suddenly gone. Each time, it saddened her but she understood. Sometimes it was harder on her than other times - because of the bond she'd formed with the person.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to martha908
Report
BethinPA Sep 25, 2020
The caregiver herself was not the person who told us she "may be leaving." Mom was told about it from another CNA when the caregiver quite suddenly was working her normal shift and then just disappeared!
The sting of it is wearing off for Mom and although she is still sad she is mature enough to understand that situations change all of the time. Hopefully she'll have an opportunity to get some closure with this woman.
(1)
Report
Accidently posted my answer twice; so, I deleted one of them.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to martha908
Report

Imho, it would be best to focus on the positives in this situation. - maybe your mother could still see this caregiver at some point.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Llamalover47
Report

I'd be wondering what the reason is for her losing her job. Who loses a job during this insane pandemic? It's hard to find good people! Unless she is leaving of her own choice. If the relationship is that good in both directions there is nothing really keeping this caregiver, if she wishes, from keeping in touch. If she's losing her job are you able to hire her privately then?
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to gdaughter
Report
Shane1124 Sep 23, 2020
I agree. Plus I don’t understand why this Caregiver involves her patients and their families in her job plight. Except to create drama.

In other words it is unprofessional to share that info with patients unless that CG has already resigned and has a last day of work scheduled. Not a “maybe I’ll leave my job”, or “they are making me leave”. I would question what this CG wants to achieve because sharing that information with your mother is only making mom upset. Again, to me it sounds like CG wants to stir up unnecessary drama and she has.
Don’t let her manipulate you.


It sounds like she is dangling a carrot in front of her patients (your mother) and needs attention drawn to herself.
You don’t know this CG’s gig and you should not. Her job is to provide good care to your mother not involve your mother in the CG’s job drama.
I’ve known these types of staff and in my experience they think that they are indispensable thus share personal information with their patients to stir things up.
My guess if you asked her to stay on and work for you privately she will not be able to due to a non compete clause. My guess also is she would charge you a higher rate because she feels entitled to it.
Ask her when her last day is and buy her cookies or something then say “adios”.
(4)
Report
I would try to explain to your mom that the caregiver had some issues come up that she can no longer be in that position of caregiving (something like she has to move and won't be in that area anymore).  my father liked a caregiver that was coming to the house (he had beginnings or middle of dementia), but we think that he must have either said something to her or maybe touched her wrong, but she requested to no longer come out to the house.  We asked what happened and they wouldn't say so dad would be constantly asking for her.  I explained that she got another job and that she no longer would be coming out.  We apologized to the place that hired that lady even though we never found out what happened.  Wishing you luck.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to wolflover451
Report

Better to focus on telling this woman how much you appreciated her work and to wish her well if she leaves for other employment.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Taarna
Report

I'd focus on the positive. I've seen a lot of firings, layoffs in my day and I've seen people voluntarily leave employment for a multitude of reasons as well. If this employee were being let go for a performance-based concern, she would be gone already from my experience. Sometimes non-performance based layoffs are quick and sudden as well - you'd arrive at the facility and beloved caregiver would just be gone. So you could tell your mom that her favorite caregiver did a great job overall and is more than likely just moving on to be a blessing to someone else. I once told my child (when a favorite teacher left the school) that she needed to be grateful their paths ever crossed in the first place and not think so much about what will never be. I think that applies here as well. Do be careful with asking questions about this situation. I have found that some organizations prohibit employees from discussing their separation from the company, so please be aware of that possibility. And, some employees who are leaving voluntarily may also choose to play their cards carefully and not discuss personal details with others. In either case, I think it's always helpful and kind to send a letter of appreciation - but I'd keep the letter's content pertaining only to your mom's care and not comment on the caregiver leaving or the situation surrounding her leaving.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to Mysteryshopper
Report
BethinPA Sep 25, 2020
Yes, treading lightly with this. So the caregiver did leave the facility and I did reach out to her to let her know we were sad to learn of this and without any prompting she said she was fired because she reported that another resident had become ill and was not sent to ER right away, the man became sicker and his family was wondering why. The caregiver was told that the report she filed "made the nurse look bad" and she (the caregiver) was fired because of it. So we may never learn the other side of the story, but Mom is starting to accept the loss. And I agree about the letter - no place for anything but appreciation!
.
(1)
Report
You might try reminding mom about all the people who change jobs, quit, are laid off etc. all the time. Maybe even her husband or herself had to change jobs at some point in life. She may be more receptive to the change if she looks at it through the caregiver's eyes.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to mikejrexec
Report

Maybe if the woman actually leaves, you could pay her a couple hrs once a week to visit and be your mom's companion.

Sad but better that your mom has her mind so she'll be able to understand the Caregiver has to leave but tell her that they'll hire another nice person.
Helpful Answer (5)
Reply to bevthegreat
Report

Do you know why she may be loosing her job?
Odd at this time when caregivers are necessary that they would be letting her at this time is strange. (Unless she has been there a while and they can let 1 higher paid worker go and hire 2 inexperienced people for the same $$)
I would send a note to the facility letting them know that you are sad to hear of "Betty Jean" leaving and include a note as to how much you appreciate the job she has done and if there is any way that they would reconsider letting this person go.
I would also send a letter to the employee "Betty Jean" and tell her the same thing and she can use the letter when looking for another job. (It is also possible that she already has a job and it is she that gave notice)

With good planning the current caregiver will "break in" another as to each residents needs, and "quirks" and that would make the transition easier.
I am sure mom is used to others as this 1 person is not there 24/7/365.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to Grandma1954
Report
BethinPA Sep 20, 2020
We do not know the circumstances of this yet - there may be some internal conflicts with "Betty Jean" and another long-time employed CNA in the facility. I know they have had other CNA's leave in the past year due to the facility not being willing to work with their schedules when the CNA's are pursuing more education. I plan to reach out to Betty Jean when we find out more details. We should know for sure by tomorrow if she is actually leaving. I know Mom will adjust to new caregivers over time but she is especially despondent over Betty Jean. Mom doesn't always trust the people to have to transition her, particularly in the shower - big fear of falling. I like your idea RE: support letters. Thank you so much for your reply!
(0)
Report
Does Mom have money to hire her a few hours a day? Will the AL allow it?

If this is possible, than the bill for Moms care should be adjusted if this aide does the work. Lets say she bathes Mom, then Mom should not be charged for that in her care plan.
Helpful Answer (1)
Reply to JoAnn29
Report
BethinPA Sep 20, 2020
That's an idea we have not considered! We will know more facts about this by tomorrow and can investigate this idea if it turns out she is leaving. Thank you for your reply!
(2)
Report
See 2 more replies
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter