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His anger usually only lasts one day because maybe he realizes the absurdity and he apologizes, but what is the best response in the moment to the situation? Ignore the untrue accusations and his feelings of anger and betrayal? Stand up to him? Deny everything that is untrue? Laugh at the absurdity? I know reasoning doesn’t work well, but some of it does sink in later.


Of course some of this depends on the person and the degree of memory loss. Mine has vascular dementia, and he has a lot of mental capacity still to remember things that happened earlier in the week, but not what the weather is like or things that happened 5 years ago. It seems like random memory loss.


What response have you found that works?

Then follow it with "Oh, you said divorce, I thought you said intercourse"
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Reply to Gershun
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JuliaRose Jan 30, 2019
Lol!!
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“All right, when I get a minute, I’ll get you a list of divorce attorneys in the area. Now, do you want a ham or turkey sandwich for lunch?”
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JuliaRose Jan 30, 2019
I wish he was distracted that easily! But, he will go on for hours.
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"Not tonight honey, I have a headache. "
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Reply to Gershun
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Say....
Then lets sit down and talk about this.
Get out a pen and paper and sit down together and start going through all the things you have done and use this opportunity to "divide" memories.
You can start by...I remember when we met...and write down your thoughts about that. He may respond by saying I remember...my first car, first job....and write down his thoughts.
This is also a good way to possibly pull memories that you were not even aware of.

Next time he mentions this you can "divide" the items in the room..get him to name things in the room he "wants".

Some of this you can say...Ok, lets talk about it after lunch, or dinner...
You can laugh about it.
Sometimes you can say...oh, let me think about this and leave the room for a moment.
There were times when my Husband was doing things I would try to distract him from doing and once I just broke out into a laugh..a real belly laugh and for some reason that stopped him in his tracks and he just started laughing as well. And funny thing was that was the first time I had heard him really laugh in quite a while. His mood changed for quite a while. So I would sometimes just laugh for no reason and it did the same thing. (maybe laughter is the best medicine)

But please, I hope this does not hurt your feelings or that you take this seriously even a little. Yes it might hurt for a second but I am sure you know deep down he does not mean what he is saying.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Is he capable of being left alone for short periods? If he still has the capacity to know what he is saying I would tell him (gently) that you are not going to argue and leaving for a bit to let him calm down.
You could go for a ride around the block, take a short walk, or even just go outside for awhile.
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Reply to katydid1
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It's impossible to stay mad for long at someone who doggedly remains loving and considerate. Respond with 'I'm sorry' (you feel that way). Then get out of his way.
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Funny responses here. Yeah, just let him talk and when you've heard enough leave the area and go do something else. It's hard, but don't take the bait to engage in that topic. Zip it, roll, your eyes and go eat some ice cream or bake some goodies.
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Thanks for the questions and for these answers. They help me prepare for what is probably coming. He has one time accused me of infidelity, then realized right away how ridiculous that was. But as the decline continues, these will be good tools to have in my coping kit. I do know for certain that if I use the “thought you said intercourse” line, that would (at this point) deflect anything. But then I’d also have to deliver! LOL
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Segoline Feb 2, 2019
Yes, therein lies the rub, 😆
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They usually aren’t as easy to redirect as these answers suggest. Frontal lobe and VD are similar and I’ve found (with a mom tho) I have to heartbroken agree. Withdraw and when I come back whatever that big deal was is over. It is so individual to a persons personality, I know that may not work for a husband. But it seems like they’re wanting the war, not the actual divorce.
does anyone help with him? Maybe take a few days away? Or even a respite week? If this got really bad there’s no redirecting that will work. Time is all that helps. I will be following to see what you learn. ((Hugs))
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Reply to AT1234
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JuliaRose - you say your husband doesn't remember things from the distant past, like 5 years ago, but remembers things within the week.

Perhaps, you can tell him that you and he already got divorced several years ago. And now you're just here to take care of him out of compassion. Will that work? You can print an "official divorce decree" form off the internet which you can fill in your name and his to show him and pass it off as the real thing. Hopefully, this phase will pass and he will stop asking eventually.
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