Mom (94y/o) has been in the assisted living wing for about 2.5 years, it's a fantastic Christian based ALF with a caring staff that is amazing! Mom hates it! She has progressively declined, in particular in the last two months, both physically and mentally. I am her daughter (64 y/o), the only living family left, single and looking for work and financially unstable. She had lived with me 4 yrs. prior to moving into the ALF. It was hell! I am certain she has NPD. My brother (has passed) was the "Golden Child" leaving me to be the scapegoat. I've had counseling that was not productive. She has lied to me, can't trust her, pulled the rug out from under me when I have let my guard down and tried to trust her, threatened to call the police and tell them I was abusing her, etc. Today's discussion with the doctor and staff was she needs to be moved to the memory wing, lesser for memory care (although there is early dementia), but she is having difficulty with daily personal care, dressing, standing, etc. I help her with showers. She's refusing to go to meals, 100% incontinent so there are soiled clothes everywhere. She's experiencing chronic UTIs and severe dehydration. (these issues have contributed to some of the confusion/memory and inability issues, but it's more than that) She feels she's fine, everything is someone else's fault, certain she could actually live in her own home. She is constantly asking me to let her come live with me again. For my own sanity I can't and won't allow her to come back, it breaks my heart as a Christian, that I can't open my home to her, but boundaries to a narcissist are just a power struggle that winning is at any cost. The staff has said they would "take care" of moving her to memory care, I should stay away for about a week and let them handle it. I know they do this all the time, and sometimes taking the "family" element out of the situation helps. She says there are just crazy people in memory care and she's scared to death of that wing. When in fact, it's also for those that need more daily care like her. Somehow me staying away and letting the staff handle it is making me feel like they are "tricking" her into the move and here is this physically fragile 94 y/o that people are forcing her in to going somewhere that she refuses to go and I am abandoning her, when in fact I feel it would be in her best interest. I have many conflicting emotions, some I'm sure for the brutal "narcissistic training" my whole life. Past experience of talking or reasoning with my mother is useless, there are no discussions with a narcissist. I am just expecting holy hell to happen, both during and after. I can't explain my feelings for her as many years of mental and verbal abuse, my Christian beliefs, guilt, obligation...."muddy the waters," but nonetheless she is my mother. Any advice or situations that have worked best without WWII happening, would be appreciated.