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Short story behind this question is Mom is a raging narcissist, mean, abusive- all that stuff. 91 yr old and can play anyone- I MEAN ANYONE to get what she wants. She has perfected her BS stories and makes a fantastic victim! She is also a hint dropper to her next "projects" to vilify someone. I got a nasty email from her and all it said was " I just took care of you legally".
What you need to know is, she just took my name off everything- She accused the bank of being in "Ca-hoots" with me and filed a complaint! Accused my husband of hitting me/unemployed alcoholic- hired people to find out- I mean paid professionals! Said we are destitute, poisoned her food and hired a lab to have it tested- claimed they said it wasn't Chinese food, it was " Compost". It's all over town to boot. This woman has no boundries and no end to what she can do on a telephone. Prior to the email- she told the girl who comes in to do small things around the house, she had to leave early that day- she had a lawyer coming to the house. That girl gave me the heads up- but that's all she knew. Couple of days go by and I get the email. Its pretty obvious she has done something.


My question is- this lawyer-has probably been played, just like she does everything else and will probably carry out in the best interest of the "victim". I have no idea who the attorney is or what she has done or said. If this lawyer catches on, great...but if not what do I do with whatever mess she has planned- if anything at all.


I know I have to wait until things blow up, but I'm just so sick of this, its never ending. I do feel bad for the lawyer, probably buying into her hatred for my husband and daughter ( oh, you have no idea!!!) and Im the punching bag ( only child) Her latest project has been driving a wedge- our son...her favorite- and he is buying into this. ya, the woman is that good of a manipulator. Bare in mind, I did not share " Gram problems" as they were young and growing up- those were adult issues and now she is working her magic.
I am positive, she will reign havoc down-even from beyond the grave, as she has made it clear in the past those were her intentions, promising I will never have a peaceful day. She has written a letter, sent it to funeral director- to be read out loud at her services to have the final say. Not sure on the content but was told - We can't read this out loud, we just won't. I can only imagine. She has 3 funerals planned, none paid for, for attention.

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Why is “that girl” that helps your mother even in contact with you? Why is she telling you things and why are you talking to her?
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Is there any reason that you have not contacted the police and filed an injunction of harassment or a restraining order against this person?

I guess I am a bit mean because I don't care what you are to me, if you are going out of your way to hurt my family, it is war and I will do everything the law allows to keep you away. If that means your old @$$ goes to jail, bye bye.

I would also draw a line in the sand with my son, he can have a relationship with grandma but he needs to leave it out of any other relationships. No taking sides and no discussions about home life. I would tell him what is what. The problem with protecting our kids from the truth and reality is that your enemy can plant seeds of untruths that you get to deal with.

You are a bigger person than me, she wouldn't have known my kids. Evil has no discretion, it will devour anything and anyone to achieve its purpose.
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Are you still paying money (over $900/month) for your mother's apartment to make up for what the apt./utilities/food? costs over and above the $1500/month income she has?

If so, WHY?!?!?! Seems like she will become Medicaid eligible, once she runs through her house money.

It's never too late to remove yourself from abuse.
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struggling1 Jul 22, 2019
HELL NO!
I quit that back in April and until she was hospitalize in June, I had no contact whatsoever. She slipped, banged her chin. Due to age they took her when she called. Its my fault I went to her house, changed her bed- did laundry, etc...while she was in there. 2nd mistake was visiting at hospital- I kept it short- in an out in an hr. Picked up the discharge scripts then cleaned out fridge and then grocery's. HUGE Mistake on my part. Last mistake, I visited twice since she was home...and then boom, here it all comes right back before I left. I did this this time, no one else. Once again kindness and narcist can not co exist. Im learning
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The OP's mother won't stop just because the OP goes no contact. This lady is a hell-raiser. She does indeed crave attention but my goodness she is a genius at getting it.

Take that funeral instruction - that firm of funeral directors is never going to forget her. They may not carry out her funeral, they certainly won't accept that particular instruction, but has she made her mark? Has she!

Struggling, in 'Understanding the Borderline Mother' Christine Ann Lawson breaks them down into four types: waif, hermit, queen and witch. I am very much afraid that you have a witch on your hands. On your doorstep, yet. I do not know what you should do. Do you have access to advice from a professional who will?
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Isthisrealyreal Jul 22, 2019
CM, I think she has the queen witch!
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How in the world could she have followed you to Florida? That is a HUGE state, no way she managed to show up just exactly where your are without some information.

no contact means no contact. If you have to stay away from twitter and Facebook...ok. Anyone who is also in contact with her....stay friendly, but do not reveal where you live.

it is easy to stay under the radar if you want to, and you certainly have enough reasons.
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anonymous912123 Jul 22, 2019
Yes, no contact means exactly that, OP had to leak out the information.
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He will represent the client, whether he believes it all or not. Why don't you go no contact and get out of her life....forever....if your son wants to sail on her ship, that is his choice. I haven't spoken to my abusive mother for 8 years, and I never will go back...been there done that.
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Countrymouse Jul 22, 2019
Bloody woman follows the poor OP around! Going no contact when she's moved to your town and everybody knows it, but doesn't yet know her, isn't so easy.
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Struggling what sends chills down my spine is that this wi- woman followed you from Florida, under her own steam pretty much.

The lawyer, if lawyer there be, is responsible to his client. Period. If he has reason to believe that his client is a total nut job, he is still responsible only to his client. What he has to do if his client gives him instructions to act in a way that he believes cannot be made valid - e.g. if an escapee from a memory care unit demanded he rewrite a will - I am not sure. You can probably find out from your state's professional association. But the lawyer certainly has no duty to protect you from your mother, and probably can't prevent his client from slandering you up and down the land if she insists on doing so. He will follow her instructions unless he has inescapable reasons not to.

This is pure cynicism on my part and based on no actual knowledge whatsoever, but it just occurs to me. If your mother is mentally impaired*, she cannot enter into a contract with the lawyer for his services and therefore cannot be forced to pay his bill. That information might concentrate his mind a bit. Just sayin'.

* I am sure, from your description, that your mother was always like this in terms of her personality. But she has also had a number of major health issues and dementia can't be ruled out. If you can truthfully inform any lawyer that dementia is a factor they will either back off, or they might rub their hands and think "oo goodie, contested guardianship coming up!"

😞

I don't suppose you might consider moving and not telling her where you've gone?
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AlvaDeer Jul 22, 2019
She will tire soon enough with no contact. Narcissists depend upon contact and drama. It's what rocks their boats. Just withdraw and she will tire of it soon enough, I am thinking.
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Yes, I think there is more going on than being a narcissist. I think Mom has some mental decline. And even if not, I would tell people she has Dementia. Tit for Tat.

Maybe u can find out who the lawyer was. If he on the up and up, maybe he saw thru Mom and didn't do anything.

Me, I would just stay away. Call her bluff. "Mom, I really don't care" "Do what u want". I would do nothing for her. If ur son wants to, let him.
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Of all the many names you attached to your Mother's conditions, I think that you did not attach the word dementia? Unless I missed it. If your mother is in her right mind then she is able to hire a Lawyer and that lawyer is to do EXACTLY what she asks be done, unless the request is illegal. It is not up to a Lawyer to work for a client dependent on her level of "meanness" or "abusiveness". As to being "played" a lawyer works for you to fulfill your wishes according to what your wishes are, not according to whether they actually "like" you. They may laugh about you after you leave, but they will be only too happy to fulfill your legal wishes, and to take your money while you are there. It is their job, after all. If you don't want to hear your mother's "final say" let her know you won't be attending the funeral. Let that be YOUR final say, then leave the house and don't come back. If you are truly sick of this, then move away from it.
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