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!! VENT ALERT !!
I’m not talking about dementia. Just a loss of, what, manners? Discretion? Consideration?
My 86 year old father doesn’t ask me how I am...he tells me whether or not he’s pooped yet...and in detail. How much, how long it took, consistency, Jezuspleazuz. Drives me crazy! He’s done this for YEARS. I don’t know if it’s become more prevalent, or if it’s just getting to me more lately.
NOW he’s started to tell me about his “scabbed up pecker” (post-catheterization in hospital) and I just DO NOT WANT TO KNOW! I have told him for years that I don’t want to know about his butt or his bowels...deaf ears.
He lives in a senior facility. He has regular doctor’s visits & home nurses 2x a week. So he certainly has an ear (or an audience) for his butt/poop/penis concerns.
WTF?!?
Some things a daughter DOES NOT WANT TO KNOW.
It may literally be driving me crazy. It definitely keeps me from calling or visiting sometimes, I just don’t want to hear it, but it’s inevitable.
I just realized recently that my grandfather did the same thing.
What the HELL?!?
Ugh...

Did you all lock each other in homes instead of taking care of one another like family should? Then you have the utter inhumanity to go and mock growing older and the idiosyncrasies that come along with it? You’re not human at all. Shame on you. One day you’ll be old, and I hope all the evil you spread in this world comes back to you x 1000. I hope your own children speak the same way of you. I have a strong feeling you definitely taught them just the same.
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Reply to Peacewill21
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I know what you mean. My mother was the same way. She would give me a daily report on her bowel movements and nasal discharge. I dreaded asking how she was because she was never just “fine”. There would be a half hour dissertation on every bodily function of the previous 3 days.

She never used to be like this in her younger years. It slowly developed over about 10 years as her health declined from COPD and she became less and less active. Her mental faculties were as sharp as ever though.

I came to the conclusion that it was because, as she was less able to get out and about, her entire world was drawn inward to just her apartment and her physical condition. She had no daily experiences to share - except her illness and her bodily functions.

This realization didn’t make it any easier to get through her poop updates and phlegm color reports, but at least I understood why. Her world had shrunk.
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Reply to ItsOnlyMoi
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OMG! I’m crying from laughing, not at your situation but how you stated it. At least you have your sense of humor. My mom does the same and included bleeding hemorrhoids! I don’t know what it is about telling body functions. It’s so hard!
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Reply to JoyZee
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WELCOME TO LIFE :) NO FILTERS NEEDED............ CRAP HAPPENS.........

Sometimes you just gotta face the facts........ and perhaps these are issues that are bothering him.... scabs.... okay... that sounds like it may be an issue... take him to a doctor.....NO, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO CLOSELY EXAMINE HIM.... JUST make the appointment..........LET THE PROFESSIONALS LOOK AT HIM CLOSELY.... and decide if this is an issue.. seriously.... it may be... but I certainly do not want to examine him.... :-
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Reply to MAYDAY
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I think there's another issue of aging that affects what are known as filters:  priorities, especially physical and aging priorities.    Aging bladder and bowels can significantly affect mobility, ability to travel, and freedom.    That's a major change in someone's life.

Add to that the many public facilities closed during the pandemic, and limitations are even greater.  Where does one go when an urgent need arises?    Despite a variety of useless devices on the market, I haven't yet learned of one which addresses women's needs in a manner than addresses men's needs.    I learned this from a female backpacker who spends days if not weeks on trails.  

Men can carry urinals in their vehicles, but it's not quite that easy for a woman.   Getting out and finding a sheltered spot in the woods or whatever isn't the best option either.  

This can I think lead to a focus on those functions, which others interpret as loss of filters.  Perhaps this is what it is; perhaps these folks in these situations are just thinking ahead and trying to plan their day as they could decades ago.

I think there's another issue that doesn't affect seniors but reflects a loss of filters:   the apparent tendency to share one's personal life (such as that congressman who was posting inappropriate photos of personal areas).  

I've noticed over the last 4 years that some women anchors are wearing lower cut blouses, dresses and sweaters.   Two on the local news wear clothes so tight and far too small that even their arms are bursting out of their clothing.    Some female meterologists also wear inappropriate clothing, at least a size or more too small.

I think this is tacky, and trashy.  People who dressed like this years ago were considered low class; today it seems to be acceptable.    Whatever happened to modesty?
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Reply to GardenArtist
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MAYDAY Mar 18, 2021
Over The Last 4 YEARS? Now you just been watching the weather? People dress nicely, especially Dallas, a matching tie and scarf, shirt. nicely tailored.
so weather gals dress nicely too. some more tailored than others.. perhaps ask their employers what is acceptable or expected.
so, the camera puts on an extra 10 pounds? If yo don't like it,,, change the channel,,, or look up the weather online.. Pick your battles...
THIS IS THE AMAZING PART... YOU DO HAVE A CHOICE !!! DO NOT WATCH THAT CHANNEL... Change it and be done...
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It’s part of the territory of being old!

So sorry that you are dealing with this issue.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Welcome to it. When I was a kid my great aunts and uncles would be sitting in a room together and all they would do is talk about bodily functions. On year at the Thanksgiving Table my grandmother ( in her 70's) told the whole table "my rectum is messed up". My mom is 87 and mentions her bodily functions endlessly. I have never figured it out. Just smile and nod, just smile and nod.
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Reply to Jhalldenton
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Next time he starts in on his BM talk, tell him in great detail about going to the gynecologist . 😳
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Reply to metoo111
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I think we are sisters. It is amazing how they think these topics are good conversations to have in the middle of a restaurant. My mom died of cancer in 2003 and for the next 10 years, my father was obsessed that he might have cancer. Within a minute of talking to him, he had to bring up the subject of cancer. I used to time him. Then his new obsession was bowel movements. I so missed the cancer talks! He would tell me in graphic detail about them. Or he would announce at the Thanksgiving Dinner table that he went! Many times I yelled "Why are you telling me this???!!!" and he kept saying "I thought you'd want to know". No I don't! My feeling is, at this stage this is the only NEW thing in their life. They have nothing else to talk about. They are no longer interested in others, just themselves and this is the only thing new.
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Reply to lkdrymom
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jacobsonbob Mar 15, 2021
A few years ago I saw of list of things that are different between young and old people, and one of them was as follows:

Young: Hoping for a BMW
Old: Hoping for a BM
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Sometimes small strokes, TIAs, can effect people's behavior. My grandmother became a different, much friendlier, person after having a few.
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Reply to Frances73
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jacobsonbob Mar 15, 2021
I wonder often these events IMPROVE a person's personality like this!
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Well my FIL once told me, in front of my DDs friends that we needed to replace the toilets at the river house because his "balls hit the water when he sat down". I was laughing so hard.. told him that was his sons problem...
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Reply to pamzimmrrt
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Beatty Mar 13, 2021
LOL 🤣🤣🤣
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Unfortunately, it could be that this is the only thing discussed with him by the caregivers that you mentioned. It might be wise to make a list of topics that he use to like to discuss. Yes, this might help so you don't stop visiting which probably would bring on a level of guilt that you also would not like as well.
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Reply to Krissyann
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: ( My brother was the opposite. He was dying in hospital and he was concerned if I was in the room when the nurse came to change him. Because of covid, if I left the room I'd have to leave the hospital for the day. So I'd go into the bathroom and wait out the changing or bathing or putting in or taking out of the catheter, whatever. Even if I promised to not look, to look out the window with my back to him. My husband, though, tells me EVERYTHING and wants me to see EVERYTHING going on with his bodily functions. Somewhere in the middle of these two attitudes would seem reasonable to me.
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Reply to ArtistDaughter
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You must not have ever had a teenage boy. I've had two of them. My dad got into that talk at the end of his life (fortunately, only for about a week for my ears), and my husband has always had that obsession, too. I think it's wired into their DNA from early on. :-D
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Reply to MJ1929
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Perhaps he's raising these issues b/c they affect him so intimately, as well as his sense of bodily control and security?   A lot can change when someone has to accept bodily changes that can no longer be controlled.  The sense of loss and vulnerability can be hard to comprehend, let alone accept.
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Reply to GardenArtist
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There's more to dementia than memory loss...

https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/health-and-fitness/health-advisor/theres-more-to-dementia-than-memory-loss-know-the-signs/article18884152/
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Reply to cwillie
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