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Ok, so I'm here searching for help and answers. Ok so I'm the 3rd child out of 4 children my mom had. I'm the only one who is taking care of my mom, other siblings have not stepped in to help financially, physically, emotionally, no kind of support at all. Ok so bc I have never had to care for mom before like this, I had to quit my job in order to be able that she is receiving proper care that she needed. I literally have to keep a watch on her constantly, she goes in her room and like a kid if she quiet to long I have to go check on her.
Well, in caring for my mom since her stroke, that left her w/ anphasia and disphasia, and beginning signs of Dementia. This is where I need help and understanding and how to cope with, deal with, solutions...
So, mom likes to hide her dog feces on drawers, or in her clothes in her drawers, or she puts it in the drain in the bathroom sink!! WHAT IS THAT?! I have told her nicely and yes even not so nicely that she can't do that, and she gets mad and wants to pack her things up and leave, but she never gets to the point of actually trying to leave bc she doesn't even know where to go or what her next move is. But she gets emotional and refuses to eat, and my mom is 97lbs, so her refusing to eat is a big deal to me bc she needs all nutrients she can get. But about the feces hoarding, when asked about it she just like ok, or she will denying doing it. But I'm at my wits end with this feces hoarding, I mean what is it called? She doesn't smear it or eat it, she just hoards it in her drawers, or in containers in her clothes. She goes to the bathroom and showers on her own so that's no issues there..but ever since September 15, 2020 my mom's world has been turned upside down, and I'm very understanding to that. My whole life has been a big turn around, to my income, my relationship w/ bf, my living situation, and it's not all about me, my mom has lost a lot and suffered alot too. I just need to know how or what can I do to help her progress and stop her from hoarding dog feces in her clothes and in her clothes drawers.
I appreciate anybody's time and insight on the proper care for my mom. I love my mom and want her better, but realization of it is it's just going to get worse if I don't seek help now! She has an appointment to see her Doctor February 2, 2021... see less

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My heart breaks for the situation you are in with your Mom. No one can understand how difficult caring for someone with Alzheimers is unless they have walked in your shoes. First of all, your mother's behavior is related to the Alzheimers, not the dog.

My first nursing job was in an Alzheimers unit that was locked 24/7. It was here that I learned the devastating effects of this disease on not only the patient but more so on the family. Your mother's behavior is honestly not that unusual considering her prognosis. True, perhaps she wouldn't have this issue without her dog but there is no reasoning with Alzheimers. I have seen the most unbelievable behaviors, feces smeared everywhere you can imagine except the toilet, patients getting into physical fights with each other, it's incredibly sad and frightening.

The unit I was on had a photo of each patient with a brief biography of their life in the rooms, I remember walking from room to room reading each one with hope that maybe just a little of who they were would shine through. It's important but not easy to try separating the person from the disease which is so hard to do with those we love. Especially considering the insidious and baffling nature of Alzheimers.

An appointment with her primary care Dr will hopefully steer you in the right direction by referring a specialist who can provide options and/or solutions as to the future care your mother will require.

There are many professionals who can help you navigate the deep waters ahead from support groups, home health, adult daycare to ALF/LTC.
I can sense how much you love your mom, she's very fortunate to have you, I am certain she would want you to know that. Try to be gentle with yourself too, Alzheimers is a complex disease that can be trying for any caregiver. You will get frustrated, you will get angry an impatient and that's ok. We are all human. Take care & God Bless.
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Reply to Pepzoe
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This is kind of one of those 'no brainer' situations.

Altho you seem upset by the feces hoarding, you also seem to accept it as part of mom's quirky behavior. which is is, but it's also super gross and very hard to fathom living with. I highly doubt mom can give you a reason why she's doing this.

If you cannot bear to have this dog 'put down' please turn him over to a no kill sanctuary. Most of them don't charge a fee, but it's always OK to give them a nice donation for the thankless work they do.

Then, if mom has no poop to hoard...maybe you can work on the deeper problem.

I have a friend who has one cat and she only cleans the litter box once a month or so. That was disgusting, but then someone gave her a huge dog who EATS the soiled litter. She thinks it's a win-win. So the dog licks the kids faces & hands, the cat sits on the kitchen counters--and all I can't think of when I am there is " DON'T EAT ANYTHING that comes out of this house". The smell is indescribable.

People tend to anthropomorphize their animals--treating them like humans. OK, that I get, but I wouldn't let MY HUMANS poop all over and hide it in drawers and such.
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Reply to Midkid58
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OMG this is quite bizarre. Something seriously wrong in her brain - be it dementia or mental illness. Maybe a UTI thrown in for good measure which can make elderly people act pretty crazy?

But, regardless of the exact cause, you can not allow this situation to continue. It is disgusting and unsanitary beyond words. Even if you are constantly sanitizing. And who has the time or energy for that anyhow? Can you keep her away from the dog poop? Not easily I guess. Can you keep the dog with you so that she does not take it out without you knowing? But knowing she is doing this, you must check her hiding places and properly dispose of the poop.

If the dog is not ready to be put down yet (and 14 is quite old for a dog), then I would see about having her boarded somewhere for a week or two (like you would do if you were going on vacation). Maybe breaking the cycle would be helpful.

Also helpful would be a thorough evaluation of your mom's health. Has it been awhile since she's been to the doctor?
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Reply to againx100
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Nik, I don't have any real advice. I agree with what the others say that it is dementia though. Somehow, pets can sense and get through to them where we can't. Maybe in her mind she is trying to protect her pup from the inevitable? For herself also. Sending you huge hugs and prayers for strength to see you through.
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Reply to Rbuser1
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Your mother has advanced dementia....much worse than you think, and isn't aware that what shes doing is unsanitary or dangerous. As clean and sanitized as you think you're keeping things, you're not, because dog feces is contaminated with lots of bacteria and germs that can make your mom very ill and send her to the hospital. Use some of your mother's money to send her dear dog to heaven now since he's so old, so he can run in the fields free up there now. It's in your mom's best interest because you won't be able to reason with her or explain things to her with dementia, she won't be able to understand. Hopefully she will forget about her dog in short order and you can get her a new dresser and some new clothing too.

There is no "getting better" from dementia so the best thing to do is learn all you can about it so you'll be equipped to care for your mom properly, and know what to expect moving forward. Speak to her doctor for guidance and get an opinion about whether placement in a Memory Care community is the best and safest move now.

Good luck and Godspeed, dear woman
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Reply to lealonnie1
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What is it called? It's called disgusting!! Sadly, either the dog has to go or you have to find a care facility for you mom, the two can't co-exist in the house. Don't waste your time trying to get her to stop.

Keep a diary of your mom's behavior and bring it up on your drs' visit. She'll probably deny anything you say but don't be dissuaded.
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Rbuser1 Jan 19, 2021
What a 'disgusting' reply!
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WWow!! Alot of insight and support, it's insane!😢..Thank You so much everybody..ok now to answer some questions that asked in the news feed..
Ok the dog is an old dog, she's like 14 and honestly needs to go run in the fields in heaven. My mom has had her since she was 1yrs old, but yes the dog is potty trained, just is old girl. And I tried to have her running in the fields in heaven before my mom got out of hospital, but I couldn't afford it at the time. And even though momma didn't know my name right at first she remembered her dogs name and asked about her! So, the dog is clean, and my mom's room is sanitized, I disinfect it continuously, bc I am scared that she will catch something. BUT IM WEARING MYSELF OUT TO THE CORE!!! I do take dog outside, but my mom does go with me everytime as well. And then dog is kenneled at night, but it's when she lets her out at night or when I'm tending to my online job, that she then will use the bathroom. But I never ever leave my mom home by herself... if I go some where she goes with me..period. But, I do work at home, in sales, but it's not enough income, and I'm struggling financially. And it's a strain..i diffiantly have alot of insight and options to put in affect. All of you are so amazing, and caring individuals, and I really love that there are people out there who do care enough and actually take time from their day to help a stranger (me) out with resources. I will provide future updates on her illness😢❤️🤗🙏
Please pray for this household, bc I believe the POWER OF PRAYER WORKS! 💯
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LoopyLoo Jan 19, 2021
Not trying to be mean, I promise... but this sounds like you won't do anything to change this situation. Prayer is great, but you need to take legit steps to get Mom help. God wants us to do our share too!

If the dog is in pain or can't get around much, it's time to let her go. Call different rescue groups in your area and ask about vets who can provide a painless, humane passing for reduced cost. You and Mom can't keep living like this, and you don't want to wait until something truly disastrous happens. You can do this!
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Your mother has dementia. That is what it is called. I think she is likely severe enough that she should have placement. Your giving up your job is going to leave your own life in deficit with no savings and no job history. Your doctor should have a total neuro-psyc consult done for your Mom so she can be diagnosed. I am assuming you are not now her POA. If you do not wish to be, and do not understand well enough how to be a guardian (there is a lot involved including meticulous record keeping) you may want to allow your Mom to have guardianship by the State so they can manage her assets and her placement, and apply for medicaid when and if she requires it. You and your siblings as well will have to go on with your lives providing love, and visits to your Mom. Her condition will worsen. Whatever her preoccupation with the dog feces is, it is but one manifestation of her worsening dementia. I am so sorry for all you are going through without support and I wish you luck moving forward.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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It's called dementia, and it's likely worse than you realize.
My GF had her mother living with her and knew something was "off" because she would find cheese in the cutlery drawer and used toilet paper stuffed in a bag instead of flushed, but she never realized just how bad her mom's thinking had become until she saw the results of her mom's mini mental cognitive test. Families tend to learn to shrug stuff off or subconsciously cover for the increasing lapses until at some point behaviours get too bizarre or dangerous to overlook, I think you are there. My GF realized it wasn't safe to leave her mother alone anymore while she was at work and chose to place her in a memory care/nursing home, I think it's probably time for you to make a similar choice.
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Reply to cwillie
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Doesn’t matter what it’s called. This is severe mental illness and a dangerous situation. She is doing this compulsively... something in her brain drives her to do it. No amount of telling her to stop will work. She needs way more help than you can give. Doesn’t make you a bad daughter. Keeping her like this, however, would! You can love her to the moon and back but she needs a team of people to help her.

Here’s basics of what you can do:

1. Mom needs an ER visit, and then can be transferred to a psychiatric section of the hospital. You will have to insist she cannot return to her home, which is the truth. No one should be living there unless it’s deep cleaned and sanitized. If your mother is in this bad shape, she has to live in assisted living or some other controlled environment. DO NOT LET THEM SEND HER HOME.

2. Get the dog out of the house to a safe place. It’s wrong to have the dog live like this and if there’s no dog crap in the home, she won’t have any to leave in the sink.

3. Once mother is placed, work on getting your life back to normal.
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Reply to LoopyLoo
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Is this a puppy that hasn’t been house broken yet? Do you want a dog? Does mom interact with the dog? This is an unsanitary situation.

You have enough on your plate without dealing with an untrained dog.

I am so sorry that you are doing everything alone for your mom. I was in your situation and it’s incredibly hard.

Do you want to return to work? If so, then ask her doctor to speak to a social worker to make a plan for placement for your mom in a suitable facility.

Your future is important to plan for. Are you working remotely? Or did you quit working entirely?
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Just for starters, please don’t have a dog at all in a situation like that. I’m very sorry that you quit your job, your health and future are important and it’s not good in any way to lose them trying to provide care that is simply beyond the capabilities of any one person. It’s not your fault that your mom is worsening, this isn’t the beginnings of dementia, it’s way past that and will only get worse. Please remove the dog and throughly clean the house. I hope then you’ll find a better plan for your mom’s care, one that cares for you both.
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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Why is there dog feces in her house to begin with? If mom isn't able, why aren't you taking her dog out on a regular basis so it can pee and poop? I can only guess that if there's poop in her room, there must also be pee. That is so very unhealthy for both of you, to be living in such conditions. If proper care cannot be given to her dog, then the dog must be given away to a shelter or the like. It's not fair to the dog or you to be living like that. Mom obviously has some mental decline, and perhaps caring for her dog is just too much for her. It's time to make some changes. Best wishes.
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