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What is independant living as opposed to living in the family home? What services are provided for a person in an independant living home.? What services are provided for an assisted living home? Are these services decided on by the giver of the services and the receiver of the services on an individual case by case?

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SondraO, since you say your husband has dementia and diabetes, I would certainly look for a place who can care for your husband when the time comes and you are no longer able to do it. You say your health is declining. I would look out for my own heath too.

His condition will be progressing and it's not easy for a healthy, able bodied person to care for a person with advanced dementia who has medical problems, around the clock, even with some outside help coming in once a day.

In my state of NC, most assisted living facilities provide care for dementia patients including, toileting, bathing, providing all meals and snacks, medication administration, weighting, blood pressure and blood sugar tests daily, transport to doctor's office and a nurse on staff. Here, the only things they cannot accommodate is if the resident is violent, is not able to get in and out of bed with the help of only one person or if they wander. Then Memory Care or a nursing home would be explored.

Some facilities have IL, Assisted Living and Nursing Home on the same campus.
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I'd be concerned that although you'd be ok for IL, hubs will not. I'd try to get into someplace that has whatever his level of care needs to be for the both of you and is affiliated either on- site or by agreement with a skilled nursing facility (a NH)

I don't know if all IL do this but my mom was in IL and they would have fire drills in which all residents must be able to get outside in a timely manner. Can hubs do this if required?

As far as costs, mom went in IL @ $1800 mo in 2008 similar to Babalou's but 1 meal a day (although they could order at lunch a take out soup/salad & sandwich box which they took back to their apt for dinner - this was added to their bill) & moved out in 2011 paying $2500 which was a very good value of price.
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My mom lives in independent living in a suburb of Chicago. Where she lives, the one facility has independent living, assisted living, memory care and skilled nursing, all under one roof. So when my dad got sick and passed away, he moved from independent living into the skilled nursing section for the last three months of his life. My mom could still go visit him, which was great for all of us. So consider a facility with a variety of levels of care for you and your husband.

Babalou's description is similar to where my mom lives, but she would only get 2 meals a day and her washer/dryer is down the hall and shared by many on her floor. She pays about $4k a month.

There are also several home healthcare companies who operate in the building, so I have people from one come in twice a day to give my mom her medicines. If I wanted them to bathe her or dress her, etc, they have those kinds of ala carte services. You pay of course. It costs us $250 a month for the medication dispensing. I fix all of her meds and they just hand them to her to take. My mom has been very happy where she is and has lived there for 13 years.
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You would be able to stay in AL, longer and avoid moving from IL. Good luck.
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It sounds like either independent or assisted would be a wonderful thing for both of you. If you find independent living, I think I'd want it to have an assisted living option. That would be perfect for you both. Good luck!
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I am interested for both of us. I have so many health problems that it is getting harder to do it all. His only health problem is his dementia and diabetes. He could not live in independant living but together we could. Having someone take care of meals would be a Godsend and socialization would just be a great bonus.
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I noticed your profile says your husband has dementia and you are caring for him. Is the question about him or the both of you?

Babalou gave a great description of IL and AL based on what I know. IL seems to be for those who are able to function mainly on their own, but need support in case of emergencies.

I placed my cousin in AL, but soon she needed more than what they could provide. She had to be moved to Memory Care.

I think I would have your husband, if that who you are looking on behalf of, assessed to see what his needs are and what type of a place he would benefit from. I wouldn't let the cost be an issue as you look into the options. They are financial options, even for those with no assets, if they qualify.
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I can only tell you my experience. Independent Living, in Westchester, NY was a nice 1 bedroom apartment with housekeeping services 1x week. There was a washer dryer in the unit. There were 3 meals a day and a bistro where one could get coffee, tea, snacks. There was a pull cord in the bathroom for emergencies and all residents wore a wrist band with a button to push if they needed help. There were various clubs (stock market, jewelry making, art classes, political discussions) and a lovely library with newspapers delivered everyday. There were outings to the theater, scheduled shopping trips and transport to doctor visits. There was a geriatrician who had on office on the premises and a geriatric psychiatrist who visited residents in their rooms. This cost about $5000. per month. The difference between IL and living at home was the all on one level, socialization and people my mom could call if she had a burned out lightbulb, ants in the kitchen, etc. I visited once a week to set up her meds and take her shopping.

Assisted living had a menu of services (sort of a la carte). Upon admission, an assessment was done with the resident and the services proposed was gone over with us (medication admiration x times per day, bathing assistance, incontinence services, etc). Each level of service had a monthly price. In some cases, it was clear what my mom needed, in others, we negotiated for them to provide more or less service based on what we were seeing.

In the case of AL, none of this was discussed with my mom, as she'd just had a stroke, had vascular dementia and had no powers of judgement, so we, her family, did the deciding.
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