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I know someone who I think may be near this point. This person is very private and I'm not sure what I should do. I just spoke with them on the phone and I'm just worried sick. My heart is breaking and I just don't know what to think or what to do.

Aww, I'm so sorry Sunnygirl. Cancer sucks.
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Sunnygirl1 Apr 9, 2019
Thank you. Yes, cancer is horrific. It has robbed this world of an angel. This man was not only an angel to me, but, many other people. He was a joy and one of my very best and oldest friends. You can't replace someone like that...ever.I take solace in my belief that I will see him again one day.
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I appreciate all of your comments. I did send him a nice card explaining my desire to help and how much he meant to me. Sadly, what I suspected was right. I received a call from his brother last night that he had passed away. Thank goodness, he did get the card in time.

It's really surreal. What a lovely man. Besides my immediate family, the best man I've ever known. He was ALWAYS there for me. The obituary made it clear that his family was by his side and that Hospice was involved.

There are no words really. He is the closest adult friend that I have ever lost, so it's such a strange feeling. I think I'm too sad to attend the service, but, I'm going to try to go. Our other mutual friends are going. I called them last night.

Just when I think I can't hate cancer any more....I do.
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Sunny, what about just sending a traditional card (or 10) in the mail, it's a low pressure acknowledgement of his illness and your concern.
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He has 2 kidneys. His other kidney is still functioning. Is this the case? If he had a nephrectomy (removal of that cancerous kidney) then his other kidney will sustain him if his other kidney isn’t affected.

Are you sure you are privy to all that is going on with him? Perhaps he just wants to be left alone for awhile.

Don’t add anymore “pressure “ as it appears he wants this to be private and he has that right.

But I am still thinking that the other kidney should still be functioning. In my experience as a nurse that is usually what happens. Plus some people are born with one kidney and are fine the rest of their lives.

Defer to his wishes. If he needs help in the future it’s nice to know he has some support willing to card for him. But if it’s privacy he wants, then stop pushing.
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I suppose that it is an option. I was just wondering if I even have time to do anything at this point. I've looked at what symptoms there are near the end, but, not sure how long they last. I'm just not sure how long he can go on this way. I don't want to add any pressure.
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I encountered this with the older generation, an attitude that illness is somehow disgraceful and secret. It is a shame because often there is so much support available if they would only accept it, but I don't no how to get around it unless you all just go as a group and "have an intervention", since s/he is already cutting you all off it can't make things any worse.
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Cwillie, they are good questions. I would like to ask them of him, but, I think he may not be ready to answer them aloud.

I am close, but, not a family member. This is long time friend who shared some portions of his medical situation with me in confidence. So, I have not been able to discuss this with our other mutual friends. IF they knew, they'd be there for him. They love him, like I do. But, he doesn't want that. He's only in his late 50's! He does live with a family member (not spouse) and has other family members coming in to check on him daily and to administer his pain meds. He's not eating much and is very weak, loss of balance and sounded like on oxygen and very medicated. I begged to him to let me come over and do things, run errands, cook, clean, but, he refused. (I think they actually already have a housekeeper.)

I would like to ask more about what he's expecting in the near future, but, I'm afraid if I do, he may stop taking my calls. I think he still thinks there's hope. And, maybe there is, but, he says he stopped treatments. He hasn't left the house in months. There is a doctor in his immediate family, so, I'm pretty sure Hospice would be involved, if my friend would agree to it. But, he hasn't mentioned it and I didn't ask. His kidney surgery was almost a year ago this month.
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Would they consider hospice? Are you close enough to have this conversation?:

https://www.agingcare.com/articles/an-end-of-life-conversation-led-by-gawandes-questions-205721.htm
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